Feeling alone.

[Audio Tech]

You can't make an Omelette without breaking a few eggs.

All I can tell you is that I lived that lie FAR to long in my own life. Yes, I DID loose some friends when I came out, and others became BETTER friends.

One thing you MUST remember: Those friends you loose were never your friends to begin with. Friendship should not have specific conditions to it.

And in the end, you'll be much happier when you can just be yourself and live your life.

The best part is that you are realizing this at 18. Don't try to please others like I did and wake up at 45 one day never having lived as yourself. It's NOT worth it. But it's certainly worth loosing a friend or two so you can be HAPPY!!

Best of luck to you.

 

[loveguys72]

You can't make an Omelette without breaking a few eggs.

All I can tell you is that I lived that lie FAR to long in my own life. Yes, I DID loose some friends when I came out, and others became BETTER friends.

One thing you MUST remember: Those friends you loose were never your friends to begin with. Friendship should not have specific conditions to it.

And in the end, you'll be much happier when you can just be yourself and live your life.

The best part is that you are realizing this at 18. Don't try to please others like I did and wake up at 45 one day never having lived as yourself. It's NOT worth it. But it's certainly worth loosing a friend or two so you can be HAPPY!!

Best of luck to you.

This. If you become open about your sexuality, I can guarantee you life will change. Some ways will be good, some ways not so much. But, at least it will be your true life, and you'll have a much better chance of not feeling alone and isolated. This is not to say you won't feel lonely sometimes, even after you're out. We all do. It's just a part of life. But it's a lot easier to get past it when you don't have "the big dark secret" hovering over your life.

Good luck, my friend.

 

[gingentleman]

Once you are out, you will be amazed at how free you feel. That new-found freedom will translate into the way you project yourself in public and you will be much better able to meet guys and find a relationship. Best of luck!

 

[Seasoned]

It's not unusual to feel lonely at 18 given that's a usual time to have more freedom especially if you've begun college. The closet makes it worse and it's because peers are most likely freely dating and/or hooking up. It is a big lie to say nothing or pretend you're straight and it's also damn frustrating.

The most difficult person to come out to can be oneself. Once you are comfortable looking in the mirror and knowing who you are the easier it might be to start letting some important people know. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to older men, but do keep an open mind. Once you decide to come out you might not be as afraid of your peer group. In any case don't worry about it. A lot of people are attracted to "types," and as long as you are happy and fulfilled it doesn't matter to whom you are attracted.

Check in here as often as needed. Best wishes to you.

 

[Howlly]

My life really didn't change all that much after coming out (I've only been fully out since the end of last year). I didn't lose any friends, family or anything else. I actually gained friends, and I've got a better social life now that my boyfriends friends and my friends are now one big group of friends (Straight and gay, old and young).

You need to do it at some point, you may as well do it sooner rather than later, it only gets harder.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi loosingyourmind,

So you are a guy of 18 with alot of nice friends, including at least one gay guy, and you have open-minded parents. I can imagine very well that you feel alone and lonely, as there is this 'big secret' you don't talk about with them. Likely, some / several of your guy friends will have a girlfriend / talk about nice girls, and you must try to hide that you have not such feelings for girls.

There is no rule (or whatever) that you need to cut all relations with your old life. No way. So you can keep doing everything like you did it before. So you don't need to copy the life style of your gay friend.

You are not happy, as you are right now experiencing that living with 'the big ly' is not a relaxed way of living. So how about your parents? Why not start telling them that you are gay? What would change if they would be aware that you are gay? And how about your straight friends? How did they react when your gay friend told them (or they got aware) that he was gay? Did they start to shun / disown him, or make him ridiculous?

Besides that, reacting on flirts with gay guy in the bus [and becoming friends with him, talk with him during the daily bus trip] can be a very easy way to let people know that you are gay. Straight guys of your age who are single also don't bother about 'other people' when a sweet girl in the bus is smiling to them: they will smile back and say 'hi' to that girl and they will try to make contact with her.

Many closteted guys have been in this situation. You want to be happy, and you can only be happy and relaxed when you don't need to be bothered by living with the 'big lie'. Are you really sure that no one around you ever had thoughts why you don't have a girlfriend, and why you don't flirt with girls? Are you really sure that all your female friends / classmates will never ever have thought about this?

I would not be too scared to loose your straight friends. Guys and girls who don't want to be your friend anymore after it becomes clear that you are gay, can never ever be considered as 'an important friend of you'.

Good luck, and just say 'hi' to the guy in the bus when you meet him another time.

Feel free to react.

 

[Illmatic]

I feel you bro, 20 and closeted here. Feeling lonely especially when Im around my crush (which I see almost every day).
But I THINK your friends will still like you when you come out, atleast your real friends! Just keep thinking your definately not alone on this.

 

[winterkill]

Simply DO what fascinates you instead of daydreaming. Create FACTS on the ground. The explanation and advertising of your actions should be afterthoughts.

 

[Scealle]

You can't make an Omelette without breaking a few eggs.

All I can tell you is that I lived that lie FAR to long in my own life. Yes, I DID loose some friends when I came out, and others became BETTER friends.

One thing you MUST remember: Those friends you loose were never your friends to begin with. Friendship should not have specific conditions to it.

And in the end, you'll be much happier when you can just be yourself and live your life.

The best part is that you are realizing this at 18. Don't try to please others like I did and wake up at 45 one day never having lived as yourself. It's NOT worth it. But it's certainly worth loosing a friend or two so you can be HAPPY!!

Best of luck to you.

This I agree. Thinking back, If I didn't came out to my friends, I probably will not have any friends. People can be more accepting than you think. Luckily most of the people I have met in my college life is very accepting and actually encouraged me throughout. You are only 18, those feelings are very normal. Yes I still feel really alone sometimes even though most of my friends are open minded and I have yet to meet a gay guy.

 

[memphis77]

hi , first i'm not good at grammar or writing . I would just like to say i can relate as i 'm not out yet to family and friends but i'm tired of pretending . I love lookin at younger guys and getting oral from them . I'm 40 yrs old and i work with so called str8 guys all day so being around gay guys is a luxury for me . I usually go 2 glory holes -not bin 2 gay bars etc.. I 'm really going 2 get myself in shape now that i have finally given up large portion of carbs . I really feel free , but still wish i could come out 2 family/friends but i'm really embareassed to .

 

[Audio Tech]

Once you are out, you will be amazed at how free you feel. That new-found freedom will translate into the way you project yourself in public and you will be much better able to meet guys and find a relationship. Best of luck!

Oh my god.... THAT is a total understatement!

That was one of the best feelings EVER!!!! It's like I grew wings. I think I really got the analogy of that.

 

[bw92116]

Simply DO what fascinates you instead of daydreaming. Create FACTS on the ground. The explanation and advertising of your actions should be afterthoughts.

I love that post. It reminds me of one I read on another site:

"Go on a one man mission to notch your bed post and if she wants you back after a year, you make her prove it. Consider it a blessing in disguise. Go forth and get your swerve on."

 

[Seasoned]

You ought to be guided by honesty coupled with safety. No one knows your situation better than you. If you live in a country where it's not safe to come out you might want to look for a gay underground.

 

[Howlly]

http://www.patroc.com/rome/

Try there!

Apparently you need a membership card for the Saunas/Cruise Bars/Parties, but they seem to be easy enough to pick up. There's also a map and list to show you the go-to places.