Feeling frustrated and lonely

[SAdude]

Im not even sure what Im gonna put here, but will just start writing and can hopefully try and explain how Im feeling and why Im feeling this way because frankly Im not sure

So after years of repressing being gay over the past few months Ive started accepting it. In the past 2 years Ive had 3 online relationships, Im from South Africa, 1st was an American living in Holland, 2nd was a Scottish guy and 3rd was a Canadian, I told them all that once I was done studying Id move to them because I didnt see myself being out in SA. Each relationship lasted a few months, 1st I stopped talking too because I had strong suspicion and evidence that he was lying to me about some things, 2nd guy decided we were better as friends, 3rd I just stopped hearing from, he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and somehow after that something must have happened after that, he really loved me though and I loved him.

Anyway this was actually before I had fully accepted myself, I had got requests from guys I had met online to hookup for sex and although I wanted sex badly (being a complete virgin), I was always too scared to actually meet them in person because none wanted to even chat 1st, plus I had still not got past the religous issue at that time.

The 1st gay guy I met (that is also the only person I know that knows Im gay) was in August, I had been chatting to him for 2/3 months before that, and eventually got confident enough to meet him in person. I even managed to go to gay pride with him and his friends in a far town without my family or anyone suspecting anything.

Now Ive been chatting to a few other gay guys online, without going into the details, most are from Joburg which is a town 4 hours away from my town (Bloemfontein). I was planning on moving to Joburg next year, but after meeting my fay friend I think Ive decided to study an extra year to get more comfortable with being gay and not to have the stress while working which I would if I moved to Joburg now. BTW if I had gone to Joburg I would be staying with my brother and sister, who I sometimes visit in holidays. I also told some of the Joburg guys Id meet them for coffee,etc when I was in Joburg, which is true.

Also I went on my 1st gay date 2 months ago, and the guy wants a 2nd date soon but he works and stays with his grandfather and me with my parents, he is also basically in the closet so its hard to find time for eachother. He claims he loves me, etc but I know he has gone on at least one other date after that with another guy I had chatted to online, and this other guy knew I had gone a date with him a few days earlier because he saw us in the mall.

Needless to stay I dont want to talk to him anymore, even though it doesnt sound like the date went as well as ours. Anyway I messaged a few of these guys today and not one replied. Im starting to feel lonely and not wanted and dont know what to do. Also dont know if I should go for a relationship in my current situation of being in the closet and worrying about getting hurt, etc.

Slightly off topic, this one guy I cammed with keeps asking me to give him a bj, and being a virgin am still nervous but at times I feel I must 'force' myself to do it because I think that maybe I just need my 1st time to be over and the rest will be easier. Any advice on this part?

Hopefully Ive covered enough and that you guys can give me some advice

 

[SAdude]

Basically Im starting to lose faith that Ill meet a nice guy and dont know where to start

 

[fbhwes]

Do not fret too too much my friend there are plenty of us who have similar stories to yours the fact that you are trying to have things change is a very good sign . At least that's what i've been told about my situation and i believe it applies to you here. I mean just look back through what you've written you've been trying right ? You may be a bit misguided but you'll get on track . I would suggest not doing anything just to get it over with because that could lead to a very dangerous line of thinking just keep cool and let things with people take a natural course of action.

 

[Seasoned]

Your brain is moving at 100 miles an hour while your physical self is moving at 1 mile per hour. You are trying to accomplish things in your mind that for now you are not yet ready. I've no doubt you'll be fine if you can quiet your mind and begin taking life one day at a time. Good luck to you.

 

[Eagle653]

Your brain is moving at 100 miles an hour while your physical self is moving at 1 mile per hour. You are trying to accomplish things in your mind that for now you are not yet ready. I've no doubt you'll be fine if you can quiet your mind and begin taking life one day at a time. Good luck to you.

These were my exact thoughts as I read your original post.

I also realize that what you're doing stems from the accurate title of your thread. Being frustrated and lonely, you're trying to nip those negative feelings in ways that, ultimately, may not serve you well.

It might be just a matter of putting the horses and the carts in the right order, here. If you're in a city or living arrangement that is contributing to your frustration in not being able to find romance, then change that, but do it strategically. First thing is finding a job or good career move AND in a location in which you can explore your sexuality more freely. Trying to find internet romances and then planning to relocate to those people whom you've not met and really don't know very well is backwards.

If you can get established somewhere else, meet people, make friends, network, and meet even more people that way, chances are you will find a soulmate with whom you click and you will know more easily who is, and is not, for you. You can date around, play the field, and explore without all the stress and upheaval of moving jobs, moving locations, and the trauma of finding out people weren't who you thought they were.

Good luck to you. Start planning and get moving. It's a big world out there and there's someone for you. Let us know how it's going.

 

[Lube]

^ Yeah, what they said.

An online relationship is not a relationship at all. You'll find many guys online who are jerks, freaks, misleading, or truly have no concept of what they themselves are really like in person.

Online is fine for chatting and maybe even light friendships, but it's rare (not impossible!) to find a life mate that way, for reasons described above.

You're also making mountains out of molehills. It seems like any kind of slight, and you write off the guy for good.

As you get out in the world and make real, live, gay friends, you'll get a better idea of the foibles everybody has, and what's a minor infraction and what isn't.

Relax! You don't build friendships & relationships in a day. But you're definitely on the right path by coming out and asking what to do next. You'll do fine.

By the way, how old are you?

 

[SAdude]

Thanks for the positive responses so far guys! Really appreciate it! Although could you guys please give me more feedback about the guy that wants me to give him a bj, so I shouldnt just do it and get it over worth hoping Ill feel better afterwards even though in a way I have to tell myself to just do it even though Im nervous

By the way, how old are you?

I turned 23 in September

 

[SAdude]

Also how do you guys feel about my decision to study an extra year?

Also can you help me on my other thread http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=323823

 

[altlover85]

Let me try something different. Instead of me just giving you answers, why don't you answer some of my questions. I think you'll get more out of it.

Why would you want to have your first sexual encounter be with some guy that wants a blowjob?

Has he said he'd do anything for you? If not, how do you feel about that and what do you think that means?

Have all the conversations just been about him wanting a blowjob? If so, what do you think that means?

As far as your decision in the other thread, you've already made the decision to take another year and study, right? So, don't worry about what we think about that. Instead focus on your studies and other ways you can get more comfortable with your sexuality.

Good luck and try to relax a little bit, as difficult as that may be.