Feeling gay and lonely....

[DanC76]

I think I might be gay! All I know is that I'm very sexually attracted to men and have been all my life. I had a brief homosexual experience when I was 13 with another boy my age and remember I really liked it at the time, but that is the only homosexual experience I have ever had. I grew up in a very conservative Baptist family and always understood homosexuality to be a sin, so I never acted on those feelings again. I have been married now for almost seven years to the same woman, but we have never had any children. She told me several days ago that she wants to end the marriage, that she hasn't been happy in our relationship for several years, and that she has found someone else in her life she believes she is more compatible with. Although the word divorce devastates me, I know deep in my heart that she is right. I guess I have never really ever been in love with this woman, I realize now that I married her more out of a sense of what my family expected of me. I feel rather guilty thinking back on it now and am now just coming to terms with the fact that I might be gay! I often long to be held and loved by another man, but wonder if I dare think such thoughts. The whole ideal about being gay gives me a deep feeling of loneliness, in that once I reveal this to my family and friends that they will cease being my family and friends. Can anyone give me advice on how to make this transition? Feeling lonely and lost in Texas!

 

[Soilwork]

Well, first of all, the best thing to do is allow your wife to be with the one that she's got the connection with.

As harsh as it sounds, she was always just a prop to you like the lamp and arm chair, right?

Being attracted to men.. well, that's gay. No matter how you slice it.

And trust me, that deep feeling of lonlieness disappears once you find youself in the arms of a man who cares for you and just wants to hold you and be with you. Sure, there's some hard stuff to deal with once you come out to family and friends.

but you don't have to do that tomorrow, and it's probably best to do things one at a time.

My advice? give your wife the divorce and let her be happy.. you owe her that, dont' you think?

Next step is to maybe consider contacting a gay community center and maybe find a gay Christian's group if you're still a Christian or maybe just join a gay baseball team and make some gay friends in a non-sexually charged environment.

Next step?

We'll get there.

No need to rush.

 

[Roland00]

*hugs*

Welcome

 

[confusedboy23]

i don't know what to say except i don't believe that God hates homosexuals.

anyway, welcome and

 

[CoolBlue71]

I think I might be gay! All I know is that I'm very sexually attracted to men and have been all my life. I had a brief homosexual experience when I was 13 with another boy my age and remember I really liked it at the time, but that is the only homosexual experience I have ever had. I grew up in a very conservative Baptist family and always understood homosexuality to be a sin, so I never acted on those feelings again. I have been married now for almost seven years to the same woman, but we have never had any children. She told me several days ago that she wants to end the marriage, that she hasn't been happy in our relationship for several years, and that she has found someone else in her life she believes she is more compatible with. Although the word divorce devastates me, I know deep in my heart that she is right. I guess I have never really ever been in love with this woman, I realize now that I married her more out of a sense of what my family expected of me. I feel rather guilty thinking back on it now and am now just coming to terms with the fact that I might be gay! I often long to be held and loved by another man, but wonder if I dare think such thoughts. The whole ideal about being gay gives me a deep feeling of loneliness, in that once I reveal this to my family and friends that they will cease being my family and friends. Can anyone give me advice on how to make this transition? Feeling lonely and lost in Texas!

DanC76,

A few years back, I was in an ice-cream store. Popular one I won't mention. I overheard a woman talking to her, I'm guessing, five-year-old child. The subject: religion.

It got me thinking about how religion is taught in America. You administer the teachings to another individual when that person is single-digit in age. That young body hasn't formed independent thought, all that much, and it's the perfect time to "raise the child according to how/what you see right."

It's really no surprise that one can grow up with family influence so powerful as it is. But as you grow, you also develop into a separate entity.

I wish you good luck with this.

 

[Steppenwolf]

One step at a time, DanC76. I couldn't have said it better than Soilwork. Both you and your wife will need to go your separate ways first. Hopefully you're parting on good terms. Then slowly try to make connections in the gay community. You might be surprised how many support groups, organizations, and gay-friendly places there are. There is no need to rush things. Getting back into the dating scene after several years isn't always easy whether you're gay or straight. And don't worry about the sex part. That'll take care of itself in due time.

As for your family and friends finding out, that's an issue we all deal with and deal with differently. Not everyone has to know, although who finds out is sometimes hard to control. What you'll find in most of the threads on JUB is that most of us have told friends first and then family members. With me, it's only my two closest friends and immediate family. Only you will know if and when it is time to come out and to whom. You can never know what kind of reactions you'll get, and it is probably easier if you've made some friends in the gay community to help you through this. I wish you well.

 

[Elwood]

DanC76 I know what you are going through I have been there myself. Take things slowly! You have to be comfortable with who you are!! It took me a long time after my divorce, to be comfortable with the new me. I only came out 21/2 after my divorce when I was truly happy with the new me. If you would like to talk or just feel you have to get things off your chest feel free to PM me, like I said I know what you are going through!! Take care things will work themselves out.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Some great advice above, I just want to say I feel for you. I really do. You have no idea how many gay men have been in the very same position as you.

 

[cesco]

Hey Man,
Welcome to the party. Similar situation, except 16 years with abusive spouse and three awesome kids. Seperated over a year and finally over the depression.

The issues I'm facing now are, thanks to church, an overwhelming GUILT at being attracted to another man. Aye Carrumba!!! The HORROR!!!

Its not just about cock in the ass, it is, as mentioned above, about the 'safeness' of not having to worry about your feelings.

I head to the "gaybourhood" in Philly and have met some very nice people, all who are compassionate about the newness of my situation. I am getting more comfortable and want to start getting into areas I can meet with people.

As time moves on the guilt subsides quicker and doesn't overwhelm me as it once did. As mentioned in previous quotes, if you have no kids there is no reason to continue the marriage, then simply hang out in places you can safely reach out to other gay men. If there is no gay neighborhood, go to one or chat with others here. Remember that as you get more comfortable with yourself you'll stretch out.

I wish you luck.

 

[Riverrick]

Well, you're making it through step one which is coming out to yourself. You don't sound like you are questioning it and that's quite an accomplishment.

Stick around here. Tell us more about you and what you're thinking and feeling. And be sure to listen to all of that other good advice in the prior posts.

Welcome!

 

[DanC76]

Thanks guys! You all have been very encouraging. Not quite sure how I'm going to do it, but I am going to take each of your suggestions and advice to heart.