Feeling kinda depressed.

[Rolyo85]

Of course you are. And we've all had similar problems. However, I don't agree that not being out is not the problem. Not being out is ALWAYS the problem, even though it sometimes doesn't feel that way from the inside.


Also, your type changes. Don't get fixated on only one group of guys. Once you come out and start meeting real people, you'll see how much broader your type will become

 

[TX-Beau]

Gay guys in the closet are usually depressed, angry, and unhappy.

I was, I don't know a former closeted gay man who wasn't some variation of that.

You are a normal person for what it's worth. What isn't normal is the closet. It's a trap made by other people that you're keeping yourself in.

Of course you're unhappy, you're having to lie about yourself and hide who you are.

 

[Ganoderma]

hi Loosingyourmind,

Being open about your sexual wishes (= sex with a guy) towards others will also mean that it is much easier for other interested guys to see that you are 'looking around for a guy'. I mean, how can these guys find you as long as you are hiding yourself in the closet (=pretending you are straight & single & looking around for girls)?

I agree with others that your depressed feelings have alot to do with being in the closet. So what's preventing you to be open about the real Loosingyourmind (= a gay guy)?

Best wishes, and I hope soon u will meet a nice guy.

Take care

 

[Seasoned]

Heterosexism is the reason for your emotional entrapment and it's something every gay person faces, the acknowledgement of one's homosexuality. The initial awareness can be isolating and depressive. Depending upon our individual personality we may not act on coming out until our emotional pain is greater than our fear of being found out. That time is not a total loss because it allows us to fully come out to ourselves, giving us the confidence to eventually come out to another person even if it's a therapist.

I think you're right where you are supposed to be in the process. Notice, I used the word process. Your task is not to stay stuck. All the best to you. You are on your way and you have a bright future ahead of you.

 

[Kulindahr]

Not being out may not be the cause of a particular episode of depression, but it is always a factor: if a guy who's out, and a guy who isn't, both are in identical circumstances making them depressed, if all other things are equal the guy who isn't out will be more depressed. And it isn't necessarily additive; it's often a multiplier -- so the guy not out probably won't be just a bit more depressed, but more like twice (or worse) as depressed.

It isn't just depression, either -- not being out makes all negative emotions worse. Stress is amplified, apathy is amplified, anger is amplified.

You need to pick at least just one person you can tell, even if no one else knows. But the amplifier effect won't actually disappear until you don't care any more if someone learns you like guys than if they find out you like singing in the shower or whatever.

 

[wikke1]

This is such a small but valuable thread. I wanted to bump it
Some great words here, above.

 

[winterkill]

I only like a particular type of men, which means that the possibility that a person I like, like the way I look and act, is quite impossible.

If you are good-looking and a bit feminine it should be pretty easy to find tons of average-looking middle-aged or old gay men. Perhaps you need a wingman who dares to approach the older men?

didn't came out yet but thats not the problem.

Agreed.

If you tell your family that you like much older men they will find your taste difficult to understand at first; in all likelihood they will accept the fact sooner or later. But I doubt that they will organize men for overnight stays in your room or at least a wingman. Providing practical help is what counts. :->

because you all seem so peaceful with being gay.

Appearances are deceitful. See below.

I feel kinda depressed, lost. I almost feel like the I'm the only dude in the world living such a situation

Totally normal – you desperately want something and see no way to get it – no light at the end of the tunnel.

Therapy? Finding the right man often requires hard work. Make use of your brain power and hunt down your men at least once a day. If you can't do that alone get a wingman who finds older men totally unattractive.