Feeling let down.

[MindBlast]

Well guys, something kind of painful just happened to me.


I've known a certain friend of mine for about 3 years. We've always been kinda flirty with each other, even at times jacking off to each other (not in person, there's a bit of a distance between us). He stayed over at my place about a month ago overnight, and he's the one who initiated a kiss with me. I was taken aback but I went with it, as we're friends so I felt comfortable maybe taking it a bit further.

Turns out I was wrong. Today we talked about it, finally. He's not interested in me in that way, further than friends that is. I'm okay with that, as I'd rather be his friend than have anything more anyway.

There's only one thing that bothers me is that he would he initiate a kiss and take things that far with me if he just intended to tell me later that he wanted to keep it at just friends. I would have been okay never having messed around with him like that. I'm glad he and I are back to being friends and could talk and joke around again. I don't think any more sexual stuff will happen though (which I'm okay with).

I'm just feeling a little hurt. Okay, a lot hurt. I'm not blaming him though. It's all kind of inside my head and I never should have let myself develop feelings that were a little stronger than they should have been. I DID tell him that I liked him though, numerous times. It would have been a little easier on me if he was more direct from the first time I said something like that to him. The conversation I had with him though tonight really helped and I'm very happy that I haven't lost a friend ( the most important thing to me is friendship first).

Am I crazy to feel sad too though? I'm in a weird state of both relieved and sad. Sorry guys, I just had to get this all off my chest, and I know you guys have some good advice.

 

[hackingnomberr]

No, you're not crazy, your reaction is completely normal and I'm pretty sure we both know you'll get over it. ;]
I like your avatar by the way. c;

 

[Corny]

And that's why you never should have sex with friends unless it's absolutely clear where both of you stand. Sorry to be so blunt .. but it can ruin friendships otherwise. You're lucky that it seems that you could get back on track...
But don't blame either of you, when people are that close .. feelings/hornyness and desires can form a dangerous mix. Maybe he had many " what ifs" in his head as well - and now sees clearer.

 

[MindBlast]

Maybe he had many " what ifs" in his head as well - and now sees clearer.

I'm thinking that's the case as well, and I can't lay any sort of blame for my feelings on him. It's not fair.

I know 100% that I'll get over it (I'm pretty close to over it already). There's a lingering little bit that will take awhile to disappear. I just gotta let my feelings run their course.

I already knew that it was a bad idea to mess around with a friend like that, but I wasn't thinking clearly and I let it happen.

 

[Rooster]

Disappointment. It sucks but it is a fact of life. You get your hopes up and then they come crashing down. Life would be pretty boring if you never took the risk though. Now there will never be any lingering doubt in your mind of "what could have been" because you know that it was never meant to be.

 

[backpacker]

Was there alcohol involved the night he stayed over? It has a way of changing people's thinking so that they do things they wouldn't be sober. Even if alcohol wasn't involved, it could be one of those things that he wasn't thinking clearly about at the time. It doesn't sound like he meant to lead you on, but that is what he did. You certainly have a right to feel let down. Stop being so hard on yourself. He certainly shares the blame with you. The good thing is that you can remain friends. In the future, be sure to avoid anything with him that crosses the friend line. Good luck!

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, this is why it's so complicated to get involved with friends- you trust them, you let down your guard and when things don't really work out, it's very hard not to take it as a personal affront.

There's a lot of reasons why guys do this- fear- of failure or of success is a big one. Fear of losing a good friend is another big one. Fear of getting hurt. Fear of getting emotionally involved with someone who doesn't live near enough for a relationship.

Lots of reasons and you may never know exactly which one it is. It's entirely possible that even he doesn't know.

Most of us around here would say your friend is crazy not to get involved with you. Just be happy that he was mature enough to be honest with you before it ruined the friendship.

 

[MindBlast]

Most of us around here would say your friend is crazy not to get involved with you. Just be happy that he was mature enough to be honest with you before it ruined the friendship.

I am happy about that, I kind of knew he'd come through. It was just really hard to get the discussion going in the first place because it was awkward. Neither of us wanted to bring it up.

I do feel better now that I've had a night to sleep. I actually slept easier now that everything is laid out on the table and I know for sure.

 

[Blueboy369]

Many Years ago my straight best friend and I started fooling around. What started out as fun turned into ,full on, sex. After some time I developed real feelings for him and later found out that he was just "having fun" and didn't take it as seriously as I did. It was a painful experience. If I could turn back time I would have just enjoyed the sex for what it was, a good time, nothing serious. If you could separate the two you will save yourself a lot of heartache. Now he is married with two kids and I've been with my partner for many years.

 

[MindBlast]

Many Years ago my straight best friend and I started fooling around. What started out as fun turned into ,full on, sex. After some time I developed real feelings for him and later found out that he was just "having fun" and didn't take it as seriously as I did. It was a painful experience. If I could turn back time I would have just enjoyed the sex for what it was, a good time, nothing serious. If you could separate the two you will save yourself a lot of heartache. Now he is married with two kids and I've been with my partner for many years.

My friend isn't straight and has said so himself.

The bottom line is that I'm very happy being friends with him, and hadn't REALLY considered anything more until what happened (and am not considering anything more now).