So, this is my first real entry on this forum, apart from replying to a couple of posts. I am afraid it probably will not be a very cheerful or positive one, just the way I am feeling right now.
I have been reading this forum for a while now. Some of the stuff applies to my situation, but we are all unique in the way we handle things.
I am a bi guy, out to my wife and 3 of my best friends.
I left my wife 14 months ago as I could not handle the constant arguments we were having. She loves me. In a way, I still love her but I found her temper gets in the way and we could have the most terrible arguments. She’s knows I am bi since we first met and doesn’t have an issue with me meeting up with guys. As she puts it: “do whatever, just don’t tell me about it when you do it”
We’ve been trying, since I left, to work things out. I don’t think it will work. The same old stuff keeps coming back and we end up arguing again. It must be terrible for her to leave alone in our big house as my 16 year old son moved in with me. She really wants us to come back home. I don’t think I can.
But I don’t seem to be able to move on.
I own and operate my own medium size business which, in recent times, has not been going very well. Another factor of stress.
To make things worse, I think I am now developing a crush on my very best friend. I was the best man at his wedding in December. He’s 28, nearly 20 years younger than I am. All bar one of my best buddies are a fair bit younger than I am. I came out to him in October and of course he took it well. He lives and works overseas so I only get to see him a few times a year. I never thought of him sexually (though he’s hot as hell, a beautiful man inside and outside, I might add) until a couple of months ago I had an erotic dream about him. That really surprised me and, to be honest, scared me a little. I really love him, until now I thought as a friend/brother/mentor/whatever, but this is new and unexpected. On one hand, I don’t want anything sexual to happen with him, as there is no way I would want to risk the friendship, plus his wife is a terrific woman and it would not feel right. On the other hand, the idea of course is exciting and I have had more than a few JOs with him in mind. Freakin’ confusing, lol.
As, mentally, I am in a confused space, I am finding myself wasting time, procrastinating. I spend so much time watching porn and trying to hook up during the day. The amount of time spent masturbating online is amazing. And then I feel bad afterwards for spending so much time on that
. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, I know, but if it becomes a fixation, it could be a worry.
I am truly bi. I have asked myself the question so many times (as have some of my friends) if calling myself bi is just a way of avoiding saying I am gay. I am now comfortable with the fact I am bi. I love sex with both. I get equally excited with a girl and with a guy. I love going down on a woman as I love sucking cock. Emotionally, I used to say I would mostly relate to women but those recent feelings for my friend have challenged that belief. Lately, I have been hooking up with random guys more than with women only because it’s much easier to find guys ready to have sex on the spot. And I am still hanging on to a small hope my wife and I will miraculously get back together.
So, yeah, lately I am feeling like crap. And it’s been going on for a while. I am usually a positive person and am not used to these feeling lasting for so long. Still, there is a lot more unhappiness in the world than my petty issues.
Anyway, that’s my rant. I don’t suppose I am looking for answers. Perhaps it’s just a way to vent off.
I have been reading this forum for a while now. Some of the stuff applies to my situation, but we are all unique in the way we handle things.
I am a bi guy, out to my wife and 3 of my best friends.
I left my wife 14 months ago as I could not handle the constant arguments we were having. She loves me. In a way, I still love her but I found her temper gets in the way and we could have the most terrible arguments. She’s knows I am bi since we first met and doesn’t have an issue with me meeting up with guys. As she puts it: “do whatever, just don’t tell me about it when you do it”
We’ve been trying, since I left, to work things out. I don’t think it will work. The same old stuff keeps coming back and we end up arguing again. It must be terrible for her to leave alone in our big house as my 16 year old son moved in with me. She really wants us to come back home. I don’t think I can.
But I don’t seem to be able to move on.
I own and operate my own medium size business which, in recent times, has not been going very well. Another factor of stress.
To make things worse, I think I am now developing a crush on my very best friend. I was the best man at his wedding in December. He’s 28, nearly 20 years younger than I am. All bar one of my best buddies are a fair bit younger than I am. I came out to him in October and of course he took it well. He lives and works overseas so I only get to see him a few times a year. I never thought of him sexually (though he’s hot as hell, a beautiful man inside and outside, I might add) until a couple of months ago I had an erotic dream about him. That really surprised me and, to be honest, scared me a little. I really love him, until now I thought as a friend/brother/mentor/whatever, but this is new and unexpected. On one hand, I don’t want anything sexual to happen with him, as there is no way I would want to risk the friendship, plus his wife is a terrific woman and it would not feel right. On the other hand, the idea of course is exciting and I have had more than a few JOs with him in mind. Freakin’ confusing, lol.
As, mentally, I am in a confused space, I am finding myself wasting time, procrastinating. I spend so much time watching porn and trying to hook up during the day. The amount of time spent masturbating online is amazing. And then I feel bad afterwards for spending so much time on that
. There is nothing wrong with masturbating, I know, but if it becomes a fixation, it could be a worry.I am truly bi. I have asked myself the question so many times (as have some of my friends) if calling myself bi is just a way of avoiding saying I am gay. I am now comfortable with the fact I am bi. I love sex with both. I get equally excited with a girl and with a guy. I love going down on a woman as I love sucking cock. Emotionally, I used to say I would mostly relate to women but those recent feelings for my friend have challenged that belief. Lately, I have been hooking up with random guys more than with women only because it’s much easier to find guys ready to have sex on the spot. And I am still hanging on to a small hope my wife and I will miraculously get back together.
So, yeah, lately I am feeling like crap. And it’s been going on for a while. I am usually a positive person and am not used to these feeling lasting for so long. Still, there is a lot more unhappiness in the world than my petty issues.
Anyway, that’s my rant. I don’t suppose I am looking for answers. Perhaps it’s just a way to vent off.
