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feeling low

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falloutboy

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...my mum and dad have just found out im gay. and they are very nice too me about it. but my mum comes out with things that keep getting me down, like how hard life is gonna be and that gay people dont stick around and how she wishes i was normal. (not in a nasty wa btw, and pleasee dont go slag my mum off lol) i dont blame my mum and i know this is how she will deal with whats happened 4 now. do things get better, and is life reallly that hard?
 
You've mulled over being gay quite some time.
Your mother has known for, what, a day?
She's going to take some time to adjust.
During that time, she'll feel the need to say things. Things that she might think are helpful and/or supportive, but may prove not to be. She's probably thinking she's preparing you for potential problems...as if you hadn't thought about potential difficulties. :)

Is life really that hard? As hard as it is for straight people, I guess. But you won't have the additional burden of having to live a lie. Perhaps finding a boyfriend will be a bit more difficult than finding a girlfriend would be, but other than that, it's pretty much business as usual.

Do things get better? Oh, HELL yes. :)

Lex
 
If they have only just found out give them time. It sounds like she doesn't mean to be down about it, just a lot for her to take in. Give them a little bit of space to get used to it, but also dont change how you are around them as it doesn't change who you are.

I'm not going to say life in general gets better, I dont have the power to make that statement, no one knows what the future will bring, but if you mean will things get better with your parents, of course they will, just have to show them your happy and it doesn't change you as a person.
 
I think your mother loves you very much, wants the best for you and doesn't want you to suffer from any of the stereotypical pitfalls of homosexuality (promiscuity, HIV, prejudice, hate crimes, etc.). It's natural. Parents worry about their kids...that's one of the things they do best.

You just have to show your mother that life is what you make of it no matter if you're gay, straight or bi. I think you'll come across tons of JUBbers who are living safe, happy and healthy lifestyles.
 
Your mom loves you very much and is simply concerned about you and the life you will lead being gay. My mom had the same type of concerns when I told her. Once she realized how much happier I was being me and not hiding it, she became very comfortable with the ideal.

I dont think life is more difficult, it is just different. We have different issues, problems and concerns that we have to deal with in life. I look more and the joy and happiness that my life.
 
All of the above have great advice. Sounds like everything went pretty well. Just give your parents a little time to adjust and all will be fine.
 
Everybody's got to eat a peck of dirt before they die and I don't see any evidence that straight people are getting off any easier than we are.

As someone who is still best friends of my first partner 27 years on and still with the same guy after 25 years along with a lot of fun times along the way, I can tell you that you can be successful, caring and a part of any community you live in.

It is up to you and what you do with your own life.

Good luck.
 
Sounds like you're one lucky boy with a loving family. Just as you needed time to accept yourself, they (your parents) too will need time to accept you. Take it easy!
 
Your mother is acting out of fear and love for you. She doesn't understand the real gay world, and she's only saying these things that she's heard from secondary sources and stereotypes.

The best thing you can do is assure her that you'll stick around with your partner and that if you're that kind of person, then there are most definitely others like you.

As for life being hard, just let your mom know that life is hard at some point for everyone no matter what. This happens to be what might make your life harder. But it won't help you if your mom can't shake her fear and only reminds you of how heavy a burden she thinks you're carrying. She can make your life that much easier by being supportive.
 
Maybe your mom is still under the surprise effect. With time, she might very well modify the way she acts.
 
she will needs time. If i come out my mom would rip me into pieces.
 
Your parents are still in shock. When you say 'they just found out' it sounds like they discovered by accident which may have been more of a shock than if you had had time to prepare them in advance.

Life in London for a gay 21 year old in the 21st century need be no harder than it is for any other Londoner. It might help of you got a bit of perspective on things by going to a gay bookshop and doing some reading about gay oppression in other times and cultures. Or get out 'Bent' or 'The Naked Civil Servant' from the video shop.

There's nothing that a straight man can do that a gay man can't do with considerably more flare and style.
 
Parents know that today's world is
not always gay friendly or supportive. It is natural for a parent to
feel concerned and a bit protective. At the same time, I have learned from my three children that it is difficult for them to screen out what ever I say from my parent role in the family.
Shep+
 
By the way, I know of one young man who came out to his homobaiting Dad and his very worried Mom a couple of years ago.....she was also concerned and worried for a couple of months. In part, it was knowing that there were others, including me, who had led a happy and successful life being out that helped her come to terms with her own concerns.

He subsequently became regarded as the most normal and balanced of their three children....and is graduating from university this year with his boyfriend. Their other straight children are struggling with drug addiction and bad marriages and no focus on careers etc.

I think they now wish all their kids had been gay.
 
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