Feeling so alone...

[pelouze]

I'm so happy this thread exists. I'm in largely the same situation, attending pharmacy school in the south. Any events outside of school I attend, everyone brings his or her significant other. I wonder if I'll ever be able to meet a gay guy suitable to bring to these occasions. I dislike clubbing. I would go to the bar for a drink during slow times, but it seems that only older men are trolling the bar at that time. I came out at the start of this semester, and no one has even mentioned it to me. I maintain the same weak platonic relationships with the boys in my class, and they have not said a word to me about my orientation nor insinuated anything negative, being that it is professional school and no one wants to make enemies. Since coming out, the girls at least are more friendly towards me!

 

[pelouze]

^You can be open about your love to a potential BF, but just not in public. I don't exactly see same-sex couples holding hand/making out/etc in my area, if you know what I mean.

This is kind of a funny aside to the topic...so one of my study buddies, whom I used to study 4-5 days a week with (I don't study with him anymore as he is dating a classmate of ours and I can't stand studying with the both of them because they are all over each other all the time) broke up with his long-term, live-in GF of 5 years. When this happened, my friend told me that she accused him of having a gay affair with ME. I seriously almost died from laughter. Right, the best place to have an affair is in the library...haha

Anyways, I looked on that meetup website...is it me or are most of the people attending those events quite a bit older than me...wouldn't that be kinda awkward?

There is a straight boy in my class with whom I love to study, and he has been without a girlfriend -- despite being funny and attractive -- for a few years. Sometimes we study with girls who are interested in him, and I'd have to discontinue our friendship if he actually hooked up or started dating them. I'd be crushed!

 

[pelouze]

I doubt you will be alone forever, first of all. Right now, with the career path you have chosen, your love life HAS to take a back seat. I would rather go to a doctor who was a bit lonely than one who spent all his leisure time drunk or stoned! Once you ARE a doctor you can focus on finding Mr. Right, and I am sure you will find him because the anxiety of med school will be behind you. Having said that, a love life is something one doesn't plan. It doesn't work that way. Love has a way of finding you when you least expect it and perhaps that is how it should be. You are certainly not too old, because love is not determined by age when it is real. It just happens. As for the difficulty of finding a BF, you are absolutely right. It will be harder than getting into medical school, but the end result will be just as satisfying if not more so than your degree. All I can suggest is that you be patient and get your education first... the rest will follow as it should.

Medical students know the meaning of sacrifice for future gain. However there is also the problem that looks fade over time, so waiting may not be advised. Maybe it's not quite as urgent as the problem women face, that is, meeting a guy while they are still fertile so they can crank out babies.

 

[altlover85]

Medical students know the meaning of sacrifice for future gain. However there is also the problem that looks fade over time, so waiting may not be advised. Maybe it's not quite as urgent as the problem women face, that is, meeting a guy while they are still fertile so they can crank out babies.

Well, if you are dating shallow guys that only care about looks, you'll have bigger issues than just your looks fading. It's better that your age weeds out the shallow guys.

Unless you graduate medical school at 80, I'm pretty sure the right type of guys will find you attractive for some time.

No disrespect to 80 year olds, I just know that not a lot of people are into them.

 

[airtw0004]

^Haha, I have a feeling I'm going to end up as, literally, a 40-year-old virgin.

Yes, looks do fade over time and I can't even imagine what I'm going to look like when i finish residency...

Sometimes I feel like I am sacrificing too much in order get my future gain of what exactly? The ability to help people, have a respectable/nice paying job, etc...? I believe I have already given up my best years in the look for love, free time, etc.

Well, I think overall it's somewhat comforting to hear from other guys in similar situations.

Pelouze, have you ever try to make a move on your study buddy? Sounds like a straight guy, but no GFs in the past couple of years? Fishy....haha...j/k

When you are done with school, are you planning to stay in the south to work or are you wanting to move somewhere else?

 

[altlover85]

^Haha, I have a feeling I'm going to end up as, literally, a 40-year-old virgin.

Yes, looks do fade over time and I can't even imagine what I'm going to look like when i finish residency...

Sometimes I feel like I am sacrificing too much in order get my future gain of what exactly? The ability to help people, have a respectable/nice paying job, etc...? I believe I have already given up my best years in the look for love, free time, etc.

Well, I think overall it's somewhat comforting to hear from other guys in similar situations.

Honestly, I'm thinking if you were meant to be with someone when you were younger, it would have happened, but it didn't.

You'll be in your late 20's when you finally finish residency right? I wouldn't think you'd look that drastically different in another 5-8 years unless you totally stop taking care of yourself.

As far as giving up your career, if the only reason why you're going to give it up is because of some fear of aging and that your best years are behind you, I don't think that's a very good reason.

If your heart isn't in the medical field that's another issue entirely, but that's not the impression I get from reading what you've written thusfar.

Take a step back and a deep breath.

You'll be fine.

 

[airtw0004]

Yeah, I guess you may be right...I've always gotten along better with people who are older than me.

I will be anywhere from 31-35 when I finish residency (the length depends on what kind of speciality you do). So yeah, I will probably be bald and have terrible wrinkles by that time...haha

 

[altlover85]

Yeah, I guess you may be right...I've always gotten along better with people who are older than me.

I will be anywhere from 31-35 when I finish residency (the length depends on what kind of speciality you do). So yeah, I will probably be bald and have terrible wrinkles by that time...haha

Haha, I know very few people in their early to mid 30's (or even their 40's) that have terrible wrinkles.

They make rogaine for a reason if you are losing your hair.

 

[pelouze]

Pelouze, have you ever try to make a move on your study buddy? Sounds like a straight guy, but no GFs in the past couple of years? Fishy....haha...j/k

When you are done with school, are you planning to stay in the south to work or are you wanting to move somewhere else?

It is fishy! He would be a great catch. Hard to believe he hasn't hooked a cute girlfriend yet, unless that is, he is not looking.

Regarding future location I have no idea

 

[hughmc]

Medical school in "a conservative" state in the South could be, and obviously is, a problem for you. Although not from med school, but having graduated from LSU I know that seems the case, but I also found that by asserting myself and joining a couple of gay organizations, I was able to be myself and to learn to love myself.
Why do you not want your parents to find out? because it would be coming from others who know them, rather than from you? or do you hope to be in the closet for the rest of your life from your parents? If the latter is the case, I find that to be unrealistic.
You seem to express surprise at there being LGBT doctors - I think that most of our major cities have them, many of whom specialize in HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. Where I currently live in CA the Yellow Pages have a listing of doctors with those specialties. I am sure you would find that to be true in cities like Atlanta, Charlotte, Birmingham and of course, New Orleans. It could be a help to you to contact one or two and just discuss your situation and seek some advice.
Feeling alone and isolated as you seem to really sucks; but only you can solve that by asserting yourself and seeking advice and understanding. And even though you kid about being bald, wrinkled and a virgin - remember it is what comes from within you that will be the basis of a lasting relationship. One that is based on a ripped body and good looks will last only as long as they do.
And lastly, I think the candid openness and honesty you present here would make me pleased to have you as my personal doctor

 

[rareboy]

I'm definitely not a troll and I pride myself in how I present myself (ie-clothes/grooming wise). I have been told by some of my friends that maybe I appear unfriendly/stuck-up/intimidating for people to approach me. I don't know if this is true, but I feel that gay men aren't attracted to super-career-oriented/intelligent people. I'm also not into the bar and club scene which could be why I haven't dated anyone, but I don't feel like the people I would meet at those type of places would be the type of SO I would be looking for anyways.

Every time I read this from some lonely guy I want to scream.

Pull the pickle out of your ass.

Relax. Smile more.

Learn to laugh. Get sloppy and scruffy. Be a great listener.

Don't want to drink? Then don't.

But you sound like you are no fun at all to be around because you are wanting everyone to live up to your standard instead of being comfortable with theirs.

Over my years, I've met a lot of guys like you. In medicine.

Give yourself the chance to be a real person who loves others for what they are instead of in spite of what they are.

 

[airtw0004]

Hey guys, well I have a little bit of an update, just in case any of y'all are actually interested...

Well two weeks ago, after our first major exam of the year some classmates and I had a 'gays night out.' It was funny because I probably have not even spoken to some of these people in my class and they invited me anyways...Guess I wasn't as inconspicuous as I thought, haha.

We drove quite a ways out to the nearest metropolitan city and went to a huge gay nightlife area and bar/club-hopped.

Despite my non-drinking I actually had a really great time and my classmates were all fun to hang out with. I guess since we have never run in the same social circles in class, we never got to know each other way back during first year.

My spirits have definitely been boosted and I'm ready to take on this year. It's a great feeling knowing that I have people who can understand my situation and that I have other gays in my class...HAHA!

Despite not getting hit on in the clubs/bars, it didn't bother me a single bit. I just danced my little butt off anyways.

 

[NCDogGuy]

I read your OP, and it sounds like maybe you overcame some fears and internal obstacles and ended up having a great time.

Pat yourself on the back for that!

Then start planning on doing it again! (That's the hardest step for me when I "stretch" myself as the counselor calls it.)