feeling threatened

[evanrick]

so my friend and i went out to eat after work the other night, ever since ive felt really uncomfortable about what happened and didn't really put the pieces together till i got home.

the topic came up about me asking him to do tasks at work, which isnt out of the ordinary. he asked why i had been asking him to do things for me lately, as if i was targeting him specifically to take on more tasks.

then he goes onto say that others do this as well, including another employee whos job it is to delegate tasks. he feels targeted, but the other associate does this to him and others way more than i do, even to me, and i never gripe about it.

i accepted his criticism that i had given him tasks i wouldnt normally ask of him, but in hindsight i shouldn't feel critical of myself if i am becoming more assertive.

i felt he was being confrontational, as he waited till after work to corner me about it. seeing how its not my style to be so direct with people, i was kinda like a deer in the headlights moment.

i would say he is my friend but hes also insubordinate and ive never really felt the desire to continue to be his friend ever since this happened.

as we were driving in his car to another town to eat, he brang up the topic about how he didnt have his dad in his life, and how his dad was a negative influence on him and hurt him and his mother pretty bad.

we often talk about personal stuff so that part wasn't out of the ordinary.

he told me about some incidence that his dad essentially kidnapped his mom, without going into details, that is sorta how i felt the night he confronted me.

i actually felt physically threatened with someone whom i normally get along with pretty well.

not sure if i should share my experience with my manager or not, as neither him nor I would ever confront a manager in this way.

i know there are sorta two separate situations here, but i dont like how they mixed that night.

am i picking on him? opinions about the situation?

 

[Seasoned]

He gave you his perspective on things and you've been thinking that through. This probably needs closure. I'd have a chat to give him your perspective. It's ok not to have an immediate response as you are learning to become assertive, in fact, it's preferred to a bad knee jerk reaction. With practice this gets easier.

 

[FlaMan]

moral of the story..keep your work friends at work and your personal friends out of your work..never mix the two..But if you are his supervisor then I would explain to him ..on company property and on company time...his job responsibilites as well as yours...Yours is to give him task to perform and his is to do those task in a timely manner..And at the end of the day go your seperate ways..If more issues arise at work inform him of the correct way to address those issues..i.e. inolve Human Resources or personnel dept if necessary

 

[Georgiadude]

The others have given great advice. I'm a bit confused as to why you felt physically threatened. Unless something happened that your not telling us about I really dont see where that's coming from because it certainly doesn't sound like he threatened you in any way.

It doesn't sound like this is going to work out. I'd cut out the off work socializing and keep things work related. If it's his job to perform tasks that you ask him to do, then he needs to do them. On the other hand you need to be fair about what you ask him to do and make sure your not dumping things on him that aren't his responsibility to perform.

Steven.

 

[evanrick]

so an update if anyone cares. today he got into an argument with another employee and started dropping the f bomb on him on the sales floor in front of me, another employee and customers.

ive never seen anyone behave that way towards another employee.

why cant people get along?

 

[Georgiadude]

If he acted like that where I work he wouldn't have finished his shift. He'd be in the unemployment line.

Cut him off. Especially the off duty socializing. If your a supervisor of his in any way he can turn things around and sue you for harassment and make your life a living hell. Possibly even costing you your job. He's trouble. I'd start documenting EVERYTHING. Every interaction you have with him that isn't a simple "hello". You need to cover your own butt because this has trouble written all over it. You may need to get HR involved at some point. For now I'd cut him off and keep a journal with days, times and what happened. I've been down this road before. Different situation but there are similarities.

I do care and would like updates. Feel free to PM if you want to chat outside of the forum.

Steven.

 

[rareboy]

You need different friends.

 

[evanrick]

You need different friends

Im coming to realize that, one of the reasons i became his friend is because I felt sorry for him and his situation.

Im tired of doing good things for people and saying good things about people only to have them do stuff like this.

it was painful watching my friends fight each other, i think one of the reasons i want people to get along is because my parents would fight each other.

 

[Enduster]

Im coming to realize that, one of the reasons i became his friend is because I felt sorry for him and his situation.

Im tired of doing good things for people and saying good things about people only to have them do stuff like this.

it was painful watching my friends fight each other, i think one of the reasons i want people to get along is because my parents would fight each other.

You're over thinking this methinks. Stop pretending to be the victim, as you yourself put yourself in this situation. It sounds codependent, ya know?