Feeling weird after telling my mum

[guyfan]

First a bit of background. I'm 21 and just finished uni and still living at home. I'd only told two uni friends I'm gay a few weeks ago and only over Facebook after lectures had finished so I've only seen one of them since. They were both really positive and I felt quite good reading their responses. But I've just told my mum and I don't feel the same way.

I told my mum I'm gay this morning. She smiled and said she's never thought about it and then thanked me for telling her. She then asked how long I've known for and later said that we are who we are. So her response was pretty positive I guess.

The thing is rather than feeling relieved, I kind of feel worse now. I've got a worse knot in my stomach than before I told her and I'm just feeling really weird. Like a mixture of happy and sad, but more sad. I don't know if it's just because I don't really know if things will be the same between us yet or because I still haven't told my dad (I only see him on Sundays) and my sister (she's on holiday until Thursday) and I'm nervous because I feel I've got to tell them now I've told my mum. But I'm not sure if I want to now cos of how weird I'm feeling now.

Has anyone else felt like this after telling their mum/dad?

 

[sixthson]

Feelings are rarely a good barometer of anything. You have held a secret for a long time and now you have told a few people, maybe it makes you feel vulnerable? Opening up to others can do that to you. Just know you did the right thing.

It sounds like your experiences so far have been positive. Just keep being yourself with your friends and your mother because you are the same person they have always known.
You will become more comfortable with yourself and others as time passes.

You did good, guyfan.

My experience with my family was different because I was outed by my cunt of a sister-in-law when I was 20. I never had the chance to tell them myself. It didn't really matter because I always knew I would be rejected for it. And I was. I am happy for you, buddy.

 

[jknightuk]

I agree with Sixthson's reply to your topic... and I admire your courage! I 'came out' at a young age. I knew I was gay when reaching 14 years of age... but then of course it was too early in life for me to start out! lol

I told my Mom when I was 30!!! All those years I had spent being absolutely scared to tell her... and when it happened, all she could say was: "So?!" HMMPH! I had never felt such mixed emotions

In all seriousness tho.. you did great, and that was a bold step. Just be yourself... and don't be afraid of speaking out (coming out). I'm totally out to everyone now, and must admit I have left it too late in life! lol. But you have a good future ahead of you

All the best to you

 

[Seasoned]

In a way the secret was a friend, not a good friend, but nonetheless a companion. It caused you to do things or not do things. What you are experiencing, in my humble opinion is a loss of the known. You were in the closet where you felt safe. It was so healthy and brave to open the clost door. The light is steaming in and there is a whole world waiting for you.

It will get easier and you will get more comfortable being out then you ever were being closeted.

Good luck to you.

 

[fetaby]

Have you ever fantasized what she would say when you come out? Did you ever expect it to be the worst thing ever? That she would kick you out, ridicule you, scream at you?

Perhaps her lack luster approach to the situation isn't the warm welcome you'd hoped for either. In fearing the worst, you also hope for the best. When reality often will give us something from the middle.

There will be more discussion of this part of your life in time. Just remember to keep coming out.

 

[AreYouON21]

When I told my mom, we both cried and she had many questions about homosexuality because of bad coverage by the media ... She asked about AIDS/HIVS and asked what made me gay etc.

It's almost been a year since I told my mom... and I can honestly say I'm very happy with my life right now. She even asked me about my ex and how we broke up lol!

 

[guyfan]

Thanks for all the responses guys. I'm feeling better now although neither of us has mentioned it since - I think it'll take a little time to adjust and for that slight awkward feeling that I've got to disappear. Spending the day apart yesterday was good for that. I think that those of you who said the secret was comforting are pretty accurate.

fetaby - I didn't expect her to reactive negatively (I wouldn't have told her if that was the case) but beyond that I don't know what I was expecting. I think it's something that you build up to for a long time and then when you get a luckluster reaction it's kind of a let down and it knocked me a bit. You read about other people saying it was the best thing they ever did but perhaps it takes a while for it to feel that way rather than it being a instant thing?

 

[fetaby]

it was the best thing they ever did but perhaps it takes a while for it to feel that way rather than it being a instant thing?

There's a couple things here. The logistical, practical side of letting those around us know. The termination of the closet...

Over time, as we see our lives taking the different path that has been afforded to us by coming out doing so will of course be seen as the best thing. It's that fork in the road that defines a large portion of our lives.

Comparatively the school one chooses to attend can also be seen by some as the best decision they made.

Or perhaps you've decided to walk to work one day instead of taking the subway. Later you discover the subway train crashed and killed everyone aboard. The decision to walk that day would be the best decision one could ever make, no?

It's all in the context.

If you push your sexual side, your intimate side, your loving side down and out of the way, it may not be the biggest and best decision to come out. If you don't pursue the opportunities to find affection and love and friendship, what would be the point?

That's why I say keep coming out. As long as people assume we are heterosexual, we will always have to correct them.

Meanwhile, enjoy your time here. There's no telling when it will come to an end.