Feelings for my married best friend

[bounder]

Thanks, that's worth something to me anyway. I am feeling a bit guilty now...I believe very strongly in the Golden Rule, don't do anything you wouldn't want done to you. How much does the fact that she's cheating on him and an inevitable divorce balance that out? If I were her I'd hate me for it, and now I feel duplicitous. But she'd be hypocritical for feeling so since the baby's (probably, get that damn test Jack!) not his and she's cheating on him right now. Frankly she should want me to fucking him on the side, that way she could go visit her man. However you're right as far as me being a bystander to the final disposition of their marriage. If it's over nothing I did ended it, and if they put it back together somehow I'l stand back and stay out of it. The paternity test is the key...if it's not his it's over for sure, and if it is then who knows that might bring them together again and I would not stand in their way (and I'd stop fooling around with him and just be friends). The chances of it being his though...

This should be on Maury. I would definitely watch that episode.

 

[CGHJ]

You know what? I was momentarily all hot and bothered by the idea that he might have been upset last Sat that I didn't go far enough and wanted something more from me than just some fun.

Don't get me wrong, just 'some fun' is just fine. If he didn't want anything more than that I wouldn't be crushed or even mildly upset. But when the possibility presented itself that maybe he wanted something more I got all excited and carried away.

And that possibility still exists. I'm not discounting it. But I'm not going to directly pursue it, either.

So there was a party last night, and I invited a whole bunch of people (it turned out to be a marine meat sausage fest, which if course I didn't mind). I invited Jack and the wife, but Jack didn't want to go out to any party. A party with kegs...who doesn't want to go to a party with kegs? I woulda gone to a party without kegs just to hang out with him...I went to a bar that I fucking hate last week just cuz he was there. I'm not insulted or hurt that he didn't want to go...I know he likes me, but if is passion is not so intense as to want to make the effort to go to a party with free beer, it's not so intense as me to risk anything pursuing it.

He did want me to go to the movies with him, which would have been nice except that he wanted to see GI Joe, which I heard was excruciatingly bad. I might have sat through that for him, but I'm broke right now.

Anyhow, like I said the party was a cock buffet. One of the guys I'd fooled around with before was there and it was good to see him (a very good bro, very straight, hot as a motherfucker, and our experimentation made us closer friends). An old friend of mine who I care very much about and hadn't seen in a long time was there. He has a buddy who was a) really fucking cool and b) really fucking hot and is now a best friend...a got invited to a river float trip with a bunch of them next weekend. Point being, I didn't miss Jack very much at all.

I still love him to and in no way do I not want to be friends with him...we care about each other deeply, but as bros or something else is the question. Giving things a minute has allowed me to step back and see a bigger picture. I'll have an honest conversation with him about what he wants and then go from there.

Will probably see them tonight...not sure I want to have this conversation until she leaves on the 18th, not so far away now, when he and I can really take the time to talk about things. I'm not even going to speculate about possible outcomes until I know what he wants. I'll let y'all know what happens though.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Yeah, keep us posted.

I doubt things will work out. These moments are always brief and transitory; leaving you more hungry and alone than before. At least you get to keep the experience despite its tragic end.

 

[CGHJ]

I don't think the end will be at all tragic. If he's not interested in something more, we'll still be best friends.

Well it could end tragic for him, he could stay married to that bitch and she could make his life a living hell for who knows how long until he finally realizes that he's an awesome person who deserves better than being bitched at, berated, and then cuckolded by someone who no longer loves him just because he has a steady paycheck and access to military medical care and can possibly get him to pay child support for someone else's kid. Yech.

The really hot, cool new best friend that wants me to go on the float trip next week just txted, he wants me to come over and drink pineapple/rum drinks with him...when I said I had too much work he wanted to know if he could help out...I got my choice of amazing hot marines here so I'l be good no matter what. I'd choose Jack over all of them if it were up o me but if it's not up to me...there's a line of guys waiting to take my mind off him, if it comes to that. I'll be fine.

And yes, I will cherish the experience for the rest of my life, no matter what.

 

[rareboy]

Well, if your friend is so stupid as to put up with the nagging bitch and pay child support for someone else's brat.....it doesn't sound like much of a loss.

Oh well, on to the next super hot marine. We'll all be looking forward to every update.

 

[baldwin]

Do the next chapter.... do the next chapter...

Guess you should make it a novel... I'd love to read it...

 

[CGHJ]

Arrrrrggghhhhh...

Not really sure I want to. The problem is, Rareboy's right...but I can't help myself. I actually love this one...and I know that I shouldn't. I know it's a terrible idea and I should run like hell. And I'll have only myself to blame when I'm all sad and fucked up about it later, and Rareboy will get to say "I told you so," which I will doubly hate because he'll be right.

So I went over to their place Sat night. She came and picked me up, and I felt terrible because no matter what kind of insanity she puts him through, she's nice to me. And I feel like a lying asshole, which I am. I just felt rotten and I resolved then and there not to go any further, except that I'd sit him down and tell him that if he ever left her for whatever reason, he'd know where to find me.

When I got there he was in his boxers.

Now, he's not really all that 'super-hot'. Many of the other ones are, they're all built and buff and they're all a lot straighter than he is. He's got some little love handles growing on him now, which is a shame because he came back from Iraq all buff. But there's just something about him...it's not a physical attraction between us, it's a mental thing. And its intense.

She goes to take a shower. He's there in his boxers. But I resist. He's playing 'Call of Duty' and we don't say much beyond "Hey buddy."

Finally she demands he stop playing and pay attention to us. They've just got 'GI Joe Monopoly." Me and him consume a fifth of the cheapest bourbon imaginable (bottles gone now and I forget the name, but it's some cheap shit).

I took some pics with my iPhone. I blurred them out pretty hard...

OK so he doesn't look that hot in this one. That's because I have to block out his eyes for anonymity purposes and his eyes are his best feature. And the light sucks. But like I said...all the other guys I've fooled around with are hotter. Jack has personality in spades...

OK sure he's getting smoochy with his wife here. It's just for the picture though it's the only time he was like that all night. Notice the boxers...

Anyway, hours later, I've won. Jack--without me asking or anything--teamed up with me to beat her. Out of the blue he gives me money from his pile, like if he owes me $200 for a property he gives me $500. At one point he collects a pile of cash from Free Parking and gives me half. I did no such thing and eventually he landed on GI Joe Headquarters with a Defense System (Boardwalk with a hotel) and I won.

He gets in the shower. When he gets out, I go into the kitchen and notice that the door's open, so I jokingly look in on him. He's standing their totally naked...despite the stuff we've done, this is the first time I've seen him all the way starkers. I give him a dirty (hot dirty, not angry dirty) look and duck back in the kitchen, he says "c'mere!" but right as I'm about to look again--he's prolly got his cock in his hand--she walks in and is like, "What's going on?!" Thank god I wasn't looking at that moment. He covers and says "He didn't see nuthin!"

I pass out on their chair/ottoman thing again...man that things is uncomfortable...and spend the rest of the night getting up occasionally to drink water and eat bread because I feel one hell of a cheap-bourbon-hangover coming on.

In the morning he wakes me up to take me home. She was supposed to be the one to drive me back, but I can tell he wants to do it. I can also tell he was trying to wake me up quiet enough to not wake her up, but she's up.

On the way back I'm like, "That was funny last night when she was like 'What's going on?'" and his answer is, "I don't care."

We get back to my place, and I say "Well I'd invite you in but ____ is probably expecting you back." He says "Yeah, I wanted to but she said she was gonna try and stay awake till I got back."

When I'm about to get out of the car, he leans over and kisses me, and we start making out. And somewhere between this time and last time, he's improved substantially. Everything I meant to say or do or say and not do goes out the window. The whole world just goes away, and there could have been a nuke dropped on the base right then and I would not have noticed.

And then he says, "On the 18th she'll be gone for a week and we can do whatever we want."

And then he goes home and I go back to bed because I still have a terrible hangover.

So: I know that he has feelings for me. Whether he's in love with me, or wants a relationship or not, I cannot tell yet. But it's more than just a horny grope, which is all it is with the other guys. Could be he just likes me a lot, could be he's in love too. I'll find out soon enough I guess.

I'll tell you right now, I don't have the will power to resist him for a week when she's gone. I just don't. It's gonna happen.

Now, she was over today using my internet, and I had a long conversation with HER. Oddly enough, she and I talk way more about stuff than he and I do. She talked about all the times they almost got divorced...how she doesn't want the baby and her mom is trying to convince her to divorce him and get rid of the baby, which seems impossible because it's due in 2 1/2 months, I just going to assume she means give it up for adoption. How when they were separated last year she had a boyfriend...but when Jack cheated on her after he got back from Iraq she was really hurt because they were together then. Which made me feel like shit (give it to me Rareboy I have it coming).

And then she says she bets if they ever DO get divorced he's gonna turn gay. I almost bit my lip.

Here's what I think is gonna happen. I'm going on a float trip next weekend with a bunch of super-hot marines (I'll make sure I get some tape of it just so you guys can see a little bit of what my life is really like here), so I probably won't see either one of then again until she leaves.

I am going to spend the week over there with him while she's gone. Because to be honest, I think when that week is over, the itch will be scratched for both of us. I think it's the fact that we steal these little moments that keeps our feeling for each other up, and if we spend a week together with any luck we'll annoy the living fuck out of each other, like the hot, horny friend that was staying with me did. I was all kinds of crazy about that guy until I actually got to know him real well. Maybe that's what Jack and I need...to really get to know each other.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Omgosh, that's his wife? I thought she was a man at first!

Well, continue to keep us posted.

 

[CGHJ]

Sounds very plausible to me. From your posts it does sound like you're still confused about what this 'relationship' is supposed to be. Right now it's probably just exciting for you.

Not so much exciting as...how do I put this? I have never, ever in my lifetime had someone have love feelings for me that I had those feelings back.

I've played around plenty and had a lot of hot times, especially recently with horny straight (and yes, super-hot) marines, and that's been lots of fun.

How many threads are there on this board about guys falling for their straight best friends? I never had that problem. I like straight guys...and one of the reasons is, they're NOT going to fall in love with you. I like my freedom, I like being my own man, I never wanted to have a relationship. Weird, I know, but I'm comfortable with it.

It's part of why I identify as bi but mostly hook up with men...men can separate sex from love. [Many...most?] women want relationships. Especially with me it seems. As a matter of fact I'm the guy they always hold out on to see if I'll date them for a while before we get to the sex. Not to sound like a horndog, but I only want the sex. To my credit, I've never told anyone I loved them just to get laid. I'm very honest about what I want and don't want. I'm pretty sure that's why these straight marines feel comfortable hooking up with me, they know I'm not going to fall for them.

I like being my own man...I can do what I want, pick up and leave when I want, not have to have my decisions approved by anyone. I can run off with a hot stranger for a weeks and no one cares where I am. That scares some people, but I thrive on it.

This thing that Jack and I have going on, I've never had that before, with anyone, ever. Frankly it scares the shit out of me.

I'm almost hoping that after a week of really getting to know each other we'll both be over it and I can go back to being me (that is, playing around with horny, hot, straight marines) and Jack can go back to his wife, and we can get on with our lives. It would be a lot easier all the way around.

And honestly, that's the most likely outcome. I'll have a hot 'affair to remember' and that'll be that. He'll get to explore his gay side and get that out of his system before he settles down with his wife and (somebody else's) kid. The end.

Or, we'll realize that we were meant to be together, and we'll deal with that from there. At least we'll find out soon.

And you'll get to watch the video...I almost forgot that the last thing he said was that we were gonna tape some stuff while she's gone (quote, "We're gonna make Joe some money!"). I don't know if he meant solo videos or what...but you guys (and me both) have that to look forward to...at least if it doesn't work out I'll have something to masturbate to

 

[Babyboyfl]

CGHJ;

First of all let me commend you for your deft writing skills. I was hanging on every word of every sentence of every post with rapt attention. I can hardly wait for the next chapter to be written.

2ndly I will say this..... Unlike some of our JUB brothers above I do not have a judgement about you or this situation. I firmly believe that every person has the right and the freedom to pretty much do as they please. Regardless of the consequences. Personal responsibility has nothing to do with morals but as Neo so aptly concluded....the real problem is choice!"

I do not presume nor do I pretend to have any advice for you. From what I can discern, you have about as much control over this situation as you do the wind. However it does appear to me that something wonderful and unexpected has happened to you. And as such I say simply enjoy the ride and see where it takes you.

I will conclude with this...As I read your tale I was reminded of my own personal experience which was very, very similar to yours in many of the details (except for the expected baby). I wont muddy the waters of your story with my own but i will say this.... It is possible to share a special bond with another man without it being a "text-book" romance. This I know for sure.


Good Luck & Namaste

 

[CGHJ]

Hey man, thanks, but actually I was thinking about this some more, and I'd rather people stepped up and called me out as an asshole for it.

There's no way it works out well. I'm blinded by something I want, and what I want is wrong. It might be fun, it might be hot, he might want it, but it's still wrong.

I have some other friends who have a great phrase that applies here: "Make right choices." And as the 40 yo guy with the life experiences, I have to make right choices for both of us.

The math just doesn't add up: slim chance of happiness vs huge chance of everything getting fucked up all to hell.

It's not like I'm lonely here. I do have plenty of hot guys here to occupy my time. The hot guy I met at the party that wants me top go on the float trip? He's been texting me and I'm pretty sure he wants to play. And isn't attached to anyone. Last text was about him wanting me to come over and drink fruity rum drinks with him. I'm inclined to do that, maybe he can help me drink Jack off my mind.

It'll be hard...and Jack will surely be disappointed, and so will I, and I'll prolly be depressed about it for a while, and maybe he will be too. And then we'll move on and forget about it. He'll get out of the Corps, go to college in another state (what, did I think I was gonna go to college with him? WTF?!), and maybe if he's lucky the kid will actually turn out to be his and everything will work out.

I said earlier I really wanted what's best for him, and I do. Now I just have to have the strength to make sure that happens. It's gonna suck and I'm gonna be sad for a little while, but fuck it.

God give me the strength to hold to this position the next time he calls through.

 

[rareboy]

What a train wreck.

 

[CGHJ]

Not yet I don't think...it's heading for one, and it's time to pull the emergency brake on it while there's still time and switch off to a different track pronto.

 

[rreese]

J. you know you're my boy. I wasn't going to say anything. I know you have said his wife is a super BITCH to him and that there is a connection between Jack and you. I can't help but feel sorry for his wife though. You guys are messing around behind her back. It's like playing with a loaded gun in a since. It doesn't seem like something you would normally do. I would just hate for her to find out some way and things get a 100 times worse. They just need to call it quits if its that bad. I only have one question. Is this truly worth it and are you ready for any bad consequences? Just some food for thought ;-)

 

[CGHJ]

Yeah that's why I gotta be a man and do the right thing. It sucks that the only guy I've ever really cared for is attached, but no it is not truly worth it and I'm def not ready for any bad consequences, I got enough shit going on right now. I'm bailing on this, I just gotta keep up my willpower to do it. It's wrong, I know it's wrong, and I'm better than that.

Love sucks, this is why I never do it.

 

[aijalon18]

I'm sorry but 40, is not old, but is too old for you to be in this mess with a 21 year old who's about to start college. This is ridiculous. Love or not it is a bad idea all around. This kid is not sure what he wants and will not know any time soon. Unless you really enjoy drama run dont walk away from this kid. Pretty soon youll be bleeding your checking account helping him pay for divorce lawyers.

 

[CGHJ]

So in my quest to forget all about Jack...

The marine that wanted me to go on the float trip called. We're leaving tomorrow morning at 0430. They're coming to get me later so I can stay on base with them tonight and we can all just leave together.

Wants me to ride with him in his truck...OK.

I have the choice of going down the river in a tube or with him in his canoe. He seems to want me in the canoe.

When we get to the end we'll be camping out overnight. He has a 5 man tent. There's 6 of us. "Just dudes," he warned me.

He said, "Bring the video camera, you never know we might end up shooting some porn." Oh believe me, it's charging up right now!

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>Why do I have to be so damn proper?

Boring is the new exciting. I love my boring, safe life. No, I can't start a thread about the nice time I had at dinner last night, or about the laundry I did last night, or the cool book I'm reading, and expect people to get all hot and bothered about it. But I'm enjoying my life. My life isn't supposed to be interesting to others. It's supposed to be interesting to ME.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

No, I'm not. I mean, yes, I feel lucky I found the guy I did, and I'm extremely happy in the relationship. But my happiness isn't dependent solely on me being partnered. Before I met Pubert, I was working a job I loved, I had good friends (gay and straight), and I loved my hobbies and pasttimes. Meeting Pubert was simply the icing on the cake.

Lex

 

[G-Lexington]

You need to drop the entire "my life is worthless unless I'm in the perfect relationship" thing. Because 1. it ain't true, and 2. that sort of attitude never attracts guys, and in fact often repels them.

One of the things that my partner and I found attractive in each other was our general upbeat attitudes, and our own rather squirrelly (but fun) way of looking at life. I didn't have much in the looks department, but that didn't matter. We had some similar interests, we clicked, and we jumped into a relationship.

Part of what he found attractive about me was that I found myself attractive. Not in a jerk-off-in-front-of-the-mirror sort of way, but I liked me. I'll go so far as to say I love me. I'm not perfect - nowhere near it. I'm a major klutz, I'm forever forgetting where I put my keys, I can be thoughtless about those closest to me, I can get pretty lazy, I've got some extra weight, etc etc. But I've accepted my faults. They're no big deal. I love myself regardless. I go about my life enjoying who I am, and loving what I do. I love my goofy T-shirts I wear, I love the weird books I read, I love the stuff I write, I love my eclectic taste in music. And I've found that the more I love what I love, the more upbeat and positive I am. And the more people seem to like me, as well. It wasn't something I planned - it was just a side effect. But I think it's worth remembering.

So give it a try. Love what you love. Not tentatively, but wholeheartedly. Life's too short to just kinda like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. REALLY like them. Eat them with gusto, so the jelly dribbles down your shirt, and you make those "mmm" sounds. Don't just kinda like your favorite songs - crank them. When someone asks, don't say "Well, I guess I kinda like opera" - say "I love opera." Love what you love. And accept yourself for who you are, warts and all. Fat guys, small-dicked guys, less-than-pretty guys do fall in love. And people do fall in love with them in return.

Lex