You know, I used to think that the net was pretty useful – and there are aspects of it that are. Many times it can give a community to guys who are isolated, or need to talk, but then you hit a story like yours.
Some blunt advice. You don’t know this guy. No matter how much you’ve chatted, no matter what was said. This guy is pixels on a screen. You don’t know if what he says is real, or not. You don’t know how much of what you feel for this guy is the image you’ve conjured up of him in your head.
You don’t have anything beyond an internet chat interaction until he’s a real person, one you’ve met, one you’ve spent some time with, in the real world.
So why are you investing so much time and emotion in this? Because you have feelings for him? What feelings can you really have for someone you’ve never met?
I know that sounds harsh, but think about this from the outside. How probable is it that this guy is exactly what you think he is? Even if he’s been scrupulously honest with you, you still have no idea how you’d react to him physically, you have no idea whether the image you have of him is correct. I know in our post modern therapy society we all get told we have to love people for their insides. But that isn’t reality; the physical plays a big part. You could meet him and discover that what you thought about him was hopeful filling in the details on your part.
If you have the time to spend so many hours on the net chatting with this guy to the point where you’ve developed feelings for him, you’ve definitely got the time to put yourself out there and find a real guy.
So what’s stopping you?
Kara has it right. You need to get off the net, and go look for a real person.
Something else you’re not going to like. Sometimes I think that we use the net as a crutch. We don’t have to worry about all the insecurities and fears of rejection that are definite risks in putting yourself out there in real time.
We can absolutely control how every interaction progresses.
I’m not telling you this as criticism – we all see the allure in that. It’s incredibly safe, but therein lies the problem. How much time do we spend doing this in the hopes that one day, one of these pixel guys will turn out to be exactly what we want him to be?
The other guy is usually playing the same game. Even if – as you have done, you develop feelings for some pixel guy, what recourse do you have? You can’t date your computer. You can’t wake up with it (or I suppose you can but that would be weird (grin),)
The best of all scenarios would be I suppose that you do meet and are compatible. But how often does that happen? But you don’t even have that hope. He isn’t interested in having a relationship, even a pixel one.
Walk away, for yourself, for your own sanity. Limit your contact with him, and get out of your house. Go out, go to the coffee shop, go see a play, do something else, something that puts you in contact with a lot of real gay guys.
