Feelings of guilt/grossness after sex?

[Dolmance]

I understand that this is quite a common phenomena, not only amongst gay men, but men in general. I find it difficult to fully empathise with, as I've never experienced it; for me, sex has always been extremely satisfying in every aspect. the sense that usually follows is a warm, weightless glow, like being borne up on an amber wave. Though I have been with other men who express this sense of being somehow soiled by the act. It is something that needs to be worked through, one way or the other, as Rareboy and others have suggested.

 

[mbamike]

I use to feel remorse after masturbating when I was a teenager. I got most of my moral code from the church I was raised in. Seemed like everything was a sin according the them.

Then I realize that they, "the church," did not tell the whole story on sex, IMO. Sex is wonderful and completely natural. It is intended for us to enjoy, IMO.

Now, I don't have any problems enjoying sex, alone or otherwise.

 

[NSX577]

This happens to me all the time. Like you said, I thought over time it would go away but in my last two relationships, it has been the way. My ex-girlfriend who I was with for about 8 years it started a few years in and my newer relationship is about 8 months and it has been that way ever since. I really wish I knew what it was. I have thought of everything; sex without marriage, not in love, etc. but none are the case. I really wish I could figure it out so it would not be so overwhelming.

 

[ixthrock]

Read Stephen King's "Carrie," then watch the movie. He backhandedly lampoons society's often unspoken dictum concerning the dirtiness of sex. I think it may help reframe those feelings of yours once you can clearly see them in a very silly light.

 

[ButtFlute]

I feel the exact opposite, actually. I remember when I was a kid living in an evangelical household, sex and masturbation were thrilling almost exclusively because of their association with eternal damnation.

Touching or being touched by someone of the same sex was so profoundly wrong that even thinking about it was like doing a line of coke.

Now that I understand that the clouds are just vapor, sex is no more appealing than a hot cup of coffee and a slice of pie.

I suggest doing some reading on the origin of our species. It is difficult to feel sexual shame when you understand why you feel it.

 

[Chuck69]

I feel the exact opposite, actually. I remember when I was a kid living in an evangelical household, sex and masturbation were thrilling almost exclusively because of their association with eternal damnation.

Actually, you're on to something similar to what I was about to post...

Anybody having "guilt or grossness" issues as a response to sex or even just masturbation clearly has to get passed it. My recommendation is not to "try and avoid feeling dirty" but instead wallow in the guilt and preversion you're feeling.

In other words, sexualize the shame. Allow yourself to feel disgusted and decimated -- and enjoy it from that angle. Make it a personal kink.

Of course you're not doing anything that warrants guilt. But since part of your brain has been socialized to feel "bad", once you embrace the Badness in yourself, you'll learn not to mind. In fact, that can make it even more fun.

Just keep telling yourself: as long as nobody dies, it's fine.

 

[bankside]

Nothing wrong with being a mid-20s virgin. I was one well over a decade ago and I enjoy my sex life.

In my case I waited until I found the right situation with the right person so I wouldn't feel awkward or guilty or gross, and we fuck like bunnies. It was worth the wait.

But I do know what it is like to be jumpy and to have difficulty surrendering to the moment. I can still be that way, and jump at the slightest touch, super ticklish even when he isn't trying to, teh whole deal.

I just told my guy that he wasn't doing anything wrong, just that i was jumpy and he just needed to wait it out till i relaxed into his arms. And he was smart enough to believe me. So I'm a bit skittish but I still settle down and enjoy the sensual side of things after a short while.