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Fell in Love and he doesn't love me back.

I don't think there is much hope for that ever happening. I have made my peace with it, I only have a few more months in this city but if things had worked out I would have stayed for him. Right now I just want some sort of closure. Just to see him once; be as cold as he is to me and show him that I am over him. Or for the first time we are on the same page. I seem to be thinking about him lesser as the days go by, but I don't think I am anywhere near letting him go right now. There is just too much pain and after a long time I am learning to control my emotions.

Reading this thread over and over again is the only way I seem to realize that he was not good enough, I just wish I had known this earlier.
 
Better late than never. Glad you're doing better, even if in just small increments. (*8*)
 
I seem to be feeling much better day by day. I still do want to meet him once and just get some closure and knowing him I know he will never do that. I drove by the street where the "almost-rape-blowjob" happened and well it got me to thinking that if that was going to be the last time I was going to see him I would have done things differently. I would have been compassionate and loving, and it just proved how shallow he was. He knew that it was the last time we were meeting, but all he wanted was to use me as ruthlessly as he could and just spit me aside.

He is not what I always thought he was. I know he is a liar, a poser and someone who can never be true to himself because his pride and ego will never stop him from revealing his true self. I think I am moving on and I also think I am gaining my strength back. I don't want to be picking up anyone's crap and I just want to do things for me. It still does hurt, maybe I still think if things change I could take him back. But the chances of that are close to none, and I have made my peace with that. I think of him what for the most part he thought of me, I don't care if he is happy or sad. In a matter of weeks he will be non-existant, fleeted from my memories and eventually I would just stop bothering about him.
 
Everyone deserves someone who cares about them. I hope all those selfish people out there live to see what they did to others come back to bite them where it hurts most.
 
So he sent me a message on Facebook. Making it quite casual as if NOTHING ever happened. Asked me how I was, how my exams were going and said sorry "for the bad treatment". And then ended it with cheers and enjoy.

Well if all of this couldn't hurt anymore, it just did. I did everything for him, I probably would have been okay if he actually meant any of it. Once again his ego superseded his empathy. Because if he has any idea what I have been through he would written something more than just Sorry.
 
If you like you could tell him that what he did was more than bad treatment. But make it very short and make sure to end it with you on top; saying something like "I got over it, and it won't happen again." and see how he takes it.
 
This is what I want to say. But I think this is too long for it all; I guess im not really ready to forgive him yet, especially if he thinks im so worthless that I would come back running to him over one line.

"It was more than rough treatment, especially because i treated you in the exact opposite way. You shut me out in the time i needed you the most and i got over it. I don't think anything suffices for this, because it hurts to have yourself open up to a person so much thinking that they are probably the exception, who is actually good and won't run you over. But you stepped on and on and on on me. If you were actually trying to find out the exact moment where you could break me down, you accomplished. You did that a month ago and I hope that you realize that as good a person you think you are; you aren't because of everything that I went through because of you. You thought your actions were harmless, but you actually destroyed my self esteem in the worst way possible and I don't think a one line message can ever be enough."
 
polski said:
This is what I want to say. But I think this is too long for it all; I guess im not really ready to forgive him yet, especially if he thinks im so worthless that I would come back running to him over one line.

"It was more than rough treatment, especially because i treated you in the exact opposite way. You shut me out in the time i needed you the most and i got over it. I don't think anything suffices for this, because it hurts to have yourself open up to a person so much thinking that they are probably the exception, who is actually good and won't run you over. But you stepped on and on and on on me. If you were actually trying to find out the exact moment where you could break me down, you accomplished. You did that a month ago and I hope that you realize that as good a person you think you are; you aren't because of everything that I went through because of you. You thought your actions were harmless, but you actually destroyed my self esteem in the worst way possible and I don't think a one line message can ever be enough."
Click to expand...

Please don't send this. The point of keeping it short and telling him you got over the whole thing (even if you haven't) is to show him that you're strong. The one you have written shows a certain degree of desperation. I'm sorry if saying that offended you, I didn't mean to. I just want to help you to look strong. The best way to face those who hurt us is with strength.
 
I replied with "okay" and a line about how my exams were going. And that was it. I think I have realized that if I had any idea of what I was doing before, I would have treated him the way he treated me. But I just thought he was the one for me, and I set myself up over and over again for him. It is nice to see that it has all ended now.
 
polski said:
I replied with "okay" and a line about how my exams were going. And that was it. I think I have realized that if I had any idea of what I was doing before, I would have treated him the way he treated me. But I just thought he was the one for me, and I set myself up over and over again for him. It is nice to see that it has all ended now.
Click to expand...

That was a good reply. Short and to the point. And by the sounds of it, you're doing loads better than you were when you started this thread. I'm glad. Will you please let us know how you really feel?
 
I was with someone for eight months. In that time he used me for my money and sex, refused to acknowledge that we were a couple, and ended up discarding me for someone else after he told me he loved me. I loved everything about him and I would have done anything for him. In retrospect, though, he was one of the best and worst people I have ever known. He treated me so poorly and I was so wrapped up in him that I barely saw it. When he discarded me it was a crushing blow and I convinced myself we would somehow end up together or at least be the best friends that we used to be. I was an idiot. He got what he wanted and shut me out when someone new came along.

Respect yourself, walk away, and learn and grow from this experience. You'll be better off in the long run. You don't need someone like him in your life.
 
Ever since the message, I just feel like I am relapsing in some way. It just reminds me of how feeble he thinks of me, to even send this message is just a testament to how he can never stop hurting me. I keep on telling myself that I can never see his face again, because it just hurts. I am aching to move on, because I have finally convinced myself that I can never forgive him, or ever give him another chance.
 
OK, this is to be expected, that's why I asked you to tell us how you feel.

When those we love who don't love us back are distant, it helps put our minds at rest, because we don't see the sides we don't want to see. We don't see the neglect, the carelessness and the lack of love. When they do come in contact with us again, the painful side of our passion is ignited again, and we're reminded of the negative side of these complicated situations.

It will stop hurting, and sometime in the future you'll be able to see his face and feel nothing. You just need more time. I know you might be scared of a time like that. You might not want to feel nothing for him; you might want to keep him inside your heart in some form, but for the time being, focus on regaining your strength.
 
I still can't see the face of my ex. It has been 2 years, and one day he walked into a cafe while I was sitting there with this guy. It just led me to have a panic attack and I just keep on thinking if I see this guy in the future. I will feel the same way. It took me 2 years to finally come into a place to love again, and now I don't think I can ever recover.
 
You will, the same thing happened to me, I broke up with my ex at the time... nasty breakup ! I could not get out of bed for a week, when I finally went back to work I stopped for a coffee on the way home and there he was with his new boyfriend. I thought what do I do cause a scene or get my coffee and leave, I chose the latter, mind you I was crying all the way home ! When I got in, I was checking my voice mail and one was from him, saying how rude I was for not coming over to say hello to him and his new BF ! That coffee went flying I was so mad, but it helped in a strange way for me to get on with it. I ended up in another relationship that ended amicably.. I was out one afternoon, and saw the guy from the breakup, he started to go the other way, I think he thought I was going to kill him ! Once maybe, but that's water under the bridge... we ended up getting together " for old times sake ". And all through it, I kept thinking he's trying to do everything I liked ! It was amusing to me, because the spark was not there anymore, that's how much I had changed. That was 17 yrs. ago, we still talk and I think he is now on his 11th BF since me ! Trust me, you'll recover !
 
Thank you to all of you who have told me their experience with people like these. It means a lot, to know that one day I can get out of this entirely.

However I have another thing that I want to talk about. He has two facebook accounts. One he used for friends and the other for his family. He blocked me from the account he used for friends. The day he sent me that apology note he sent it from the unblocked one, and right after that he unblocked me from the other one as well. I won't be sending him a friend request though. I just don't know why, he pushed me so far away and ruined me emotionally. And now he wants to be friend with me?
 
He doesn't want to be friends with you. He wants to see if he can get you to take him back. It's a game. Don't be foolish enough to play it.
 
Sounds like a game to me. I'm at that age where I've been there and done that shit. I don't have the time or the patience for things or people like that anymore. My advice is to keep the focus on yourself and keep moving in a positive direction, I wouldn't play into it.
 
Yup, just like they're saying, he's playing around. Push him away. Ignore him. Work on yourself. It'll take time, but everything will be OK.
 
Is it wrong of me to want to confront him? I have only 3 weeks left in the country, and somehow all I want to do is to tell him everything. I am not going to invite him anywhere or something, but I don't know whether I will be able to control myself if I run into him. Yesterday I ran into his cousins and somehow everyday i run into someone we both know and it just brings me back to thinking about him.

I still wake up dreaming about him everyday. After he 'raped' me or something, I took anti depressants for 10 days as soon as I woke up just to calm me down and somehow stop thinking about him. I think I ruined my exams, thinking about him and all that he has done to me and it just makes me sad how I let my guard down so much in front of someone.

I just need to know, if I do run into him (which has a high chance of happening), what should I do? And is there really a way for me to stop dreaming/ think of him as soon as I wake up because it just brings back a rush of feelings and I don't like starting the day in such a way.
 
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