Few questions

[Pickwick]

Hi guys !!! Short version to give you an idea of the situation. I've left my partner (for two years and a half) a little bit more than two months ago, but I have to admit that I was no longer in love with him for a little more than six months prior to that. So in two months I've changed country (we lived in the UK and now I'm in Spain on Gran Canaria Island (which is probably gay heaven on earth)) and started everything from scratch, but that's not my story.
I started a new job as a waiter a little bit more than three weeks ago, and as soon as I started the kp started to kinda flirt with me. So the guy is really cute and sexy right but "straight" (for those who "know" me here you'll realise that it's only another one) and at first I really thought that he was jocking and I really didn't feel like starting something with another "straight but not too much" guy that would ditch me asa things get serious. Well after few days he started to change his behaviour, he was still jocking and kinda flirting but he was also staying longer after he had finished his shift or keeping food for me to take away when I was done things like that and one of my colleagues (who is also gay) told me that he had never seen him doing that with anyone else and that he might just be really interested in me. But I told him that I was really not into the idea of getting a "staight" fuck buddy (or just a fuck buddy). Well one night he came back after half an hour that he was finished and he joined me at the back of the bar just to give me a piece of paper, on which was written his full name (so that I could find him on Facebook). I didn't add him at first but after few days he asked me why and so I finally added him the same night and the next day I was in his bed and boy how much do I love his skin, his smell, his body.... (well done for a guy that didn't want to have a "straight" fuck buddy). Well that was two weeks ago. So we've been having an affair for two weeks and everything is really good at the beginning he was telling me that of course he didn't want anything serious, that he was only looking for good sex and that he didn't want anyone to know (normal "straight but not too much" bullshit so far)... but after three days I told him that people are not stupid and started to notice details like him stopping to jocke with me or even talk to me and stuff, I didn't tell them why so I lied. But yesterday he blew me a kiss in the middle of the kitchen (well he was discrete but still) and then later one of my colleague was celebrating her 25th birthday so we went out with her and others... it's been really hard for me not to just be natural with him as so far our physical relation is really natural and intense it's like our skins have been made to touch each other. But I hold on and didn't say or do anything that would give us away... but at the end he made it obvious that we were going home together !! Like coming to tell me "come on let's go" when I was actually letting him go before me for not making it obvious.
My point is that I don't understand him. So far he is acting in contradiction with what he told me and he is really not acting like straight men I'm "used to". So I'm feeling great and I really don't want to do something that would ruine our relationship but the thing is that I don't know what is our relationship and I'm scared to get attached to him emptionatly and to find myself crying in few weeks because he would freak out, because I'm still expecting him to freak out at one point or another... what should I do ? Should I ask him what is actually going on between us ? Should I try to just enjoy what we have ? A part of me can't trust him and à part of me just want to.
And to finish (and sorry for the long story) sex with him is great, really really great but I seem to be blocked as I can't climax. Well I have but only two times. At first I thought that i couldn't because I was tired or too drunk or whatever but even if everything is set to make me have a good time I can't reach an orgasm... is a trust problem ? Thanks in advance for reading all this and for your answers.

 

[KaraBulut]

Probably time to update your relationship status and location.

...the thing is that I don't know what is our relationship and I'm scared to get attached to him emptionatly and to find myself crying in few weeks because he would freak out, because I'm still expecting him to freak out at one point or another... what should I do ? Should I ask him what is actually going on between us ?

He's already told you what he wants, what he doesn't want and what he wants the relationship to be. You can ask but don't expect a different answer.

Should I try to just enjoy what we have ?

You can try but that little voice in your head is telling you that you're likely to get hurt if this relationship doesn't morph into what you hope it will be.

At first I thought that i couldn't because I was tired or too drunk or whatever but even if everything is set to make me have a good time I can't reach an orgasm... is a trust problem ?

Your brain is either preoccupied or is holding back.

Here's the bottom line to all of this: you're freshly out of a relationship but makes you a rebound candidate. You've resisted getting into a physical relationship with this "straight" guy but you talked yourself into it largely because it was a "straight but not too much" guy that wouldn't have any of the entanglements that come with dating a gay guy who could like you in the same way you like him.

In all of this long opening post, there's not a lot about what you want. Maybe the answer to all of this is to stop worrying about what the other guy wants and to put that effort into deciding what you want.

If you're happy with a "straight" fuckbuddy who probably will never be anything more than a fuckbuddy, then accept it for what it is and accept that it isn't going to be any more than that.

On the other hand, if you want more or you are worried about getting emotionally involved in a futureless relationship, then it's up to you to make the change.

 

[Pickwick]

Wow thank you. I've told him right at the start that I was not looking for just a fuck buddy, I even told him that as we were in the second biggest gay area in Europe he could find another guy if he was looking just for sex. That was after the first three days. It's been so intense we've seen each other every nights and made love like crazy, so I understood pretty quick what I was putting my feet into... but he answered that I was right and that if he was only looking for just sex he could go anywhere and find someone (you can basically and literally walk from my work for less than 50m and get a blow job, the whole center turns into a huge cruising aera at night). He told me that he felt good with me and he enjoined my personality and that he didn't want us to stop seeing each other. The thing is that he does things that make me melt... so I'm trying hard not to get too emotional but every time he breaks the wall by doing something I'm not expecting... like he gives me the choice always, since the beginning there's never been one time when he just decided that we would see each other now and that's it, he always asks "if you want" or "as you like" or "if you can"... he is always very concerned about how I feel and he looks to be very attentive to my needs... he really is acting more like a boyfriend than a fuck buddy... but I don't think that he realises it...
Now is he just playing ? I don't think so but I can't stop thinking that there is something odd about all this.
I don't wanna have a rebound relationship and I don't want to have meaningless sex either. I just want to have something chill and pleasurable but in which I could open up and I defo need stability in my life so the all idea of having just a sex friend is kinda contradictory.
I think I will have to just talk to him. Thanks

 

[SeaCore]

like he gives me the choice always, since the beginning there's never been one time when he just decided that we would see each other now and that's it, he always asks "if you want" or "as you like" or "if you can"... he is always very concerned about how I feel and he looks to be very attentive to my needs... he really is acting more like a boyfriend than a fuck buddy... but I don't think that he realises it...
Now is he just playing ?

Wow.
I don't think that this behavior should be unexpected at all. If I were fuck buddies with someone I'd be acting that way too; so I wouldn't read too much into their behavior as meaning something different.

Honestly, it sounds like your previous fuck buds may have been utter douchebags if they just 'decided' that they were gonna see you.

 

[Pickwick]

Closeted men are douchebags and no his behaviour has nothing to compare with my previous experiences... he is very tactile and has no fear touching me or else at all, he is very sweet and has no problem cuddling, he would stay a whole night in my arms after we have fucked, only the fact that he stays at my place is already a lot, the night before yesterday we went back home I was wasted, and I told him while we were making out "do you realise that I can't do anything right now" how many guys I know would have told me that they would go home ? Nope he answered "it's ok we'll make love in the morning" he kiss me cuddled and we slept like this.... you know he is not the first "straight" guy I've slept with, I had more "straight" sexual partners than gay ones, and they would make anything not to make it emotional or if they don't they would freak out as soon as they would understand it's getting too much. So yeah I'm expecting him to freak out as well...

 

[KaraBulut]

...I think I will have to just talk to him. Thanks

That's ultimately the best thing to do.

Sometimes there is just chemistry between two people. That doesn't always mean that the chemistry becomes sexual but sometimes it does, even when one person identifies as straight.

Just be careful and take care of your own feelings first.

 

[Pickwick]

That's ultimately the best thing to do.

Sometimes there is just chemistry between two people. That doesn't always mean that the chemistry becomes sexual but sometimes it does, even when one person identifies as straight.

Just be careful and take care of your own feelings first.

I will thank you