Finally Came Out To My MOM

[Lostlover]

So i just came out to my mom yesterday.
Ok... honestly i don't feel happy, or sad or anything for that matter. It's just like... nothing has happened. Does that make me dead?
But anyway moving on with what i said and stuff.
(WARNING: IT MIGHT BE LONG SO THE ITALICIZED SHIT YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP IF YOU DON'T LIKE LONG AND BORING STUFF)

So i told my mom during the evening yesterday (which in her time was midnight). I kinda kept her up (bad son). But i felt like i needed to do that at that time before i chickened out and yea. So it started with some conversations about this and that.
Then i was telling her that i don't believe in relationships and marriage and i hate children (which are all true to a certain extent). Then i was explaining to her why... and said that it's because i couldn't have any of them.
Then there was a pause and she said "you like boys". At that time i should have said yes but no idea why but i didn't and instead said no. I guess it's because i was really shocked by that answer.
Moving on, i kinda created more crap in between and then i gave her a scenario question and asked her "what would you do if i was gay?" which she kinda didn't answer until i kinda like forced her to. But she answered with stuff like she'll talk to me and all, try to convince me otherwise. And if all else fail she would come to terms with it or something. That's what she said.

So then i kinda talked a bit more crap. And finally i was gonna admit to her. So i started by saying i had a secret and she musn't tell anybody. This part was where i chickened out again.... So i said it's about my brother. (not true, i panicked) So then she was like asking what it was. Then i kinda didn't say anything then i can't remember what lead to it. But i blurted out saying "i am gay, you know". And there was kinda a pause a little. And then she was like doing that "mm" sound, like she was just agreeing with me.... I didn't know what i was expecting but it sure wasn't something so... calm?
But anyway, she changed the subject back to my brother's "secret" so i had to crap soemthing up. And when i asked her about it, she said she didn't know what to believe, cuz one minute i said i was and another i wasn't.... And she kinda really didn't say anything much about it. Saying she was tired and stuff (it was about 1-2 in the morning for her. Yea i know i shouldn't do this but yea... i did so, whatever?). So... she said she has to sleep and all and talk to me tomorrow(today).... So yea....

I don't know what to make of it...

P.S: Ok... it's not THAT long, but to me i find it too much?

You did something really smart, by keeping her up. You should look up "Decision Fatigue." The longer the day goes, the less decisive (or judgmental) people are as they've used a lot of their critical thinking abilities midday. She's reached the point where she doesn't have the energy to care.

Good for you.

What did you make up about your brother by the way?

 

[Seasoned]

The reason you're numb is because you've got some explaining and some apologizing to do. You've obviously had a lot of built up fear dealing with coming out to your mother and you did the best you could do. My advice is to come clean today explaining your fear and apologizing for the story about your brother because, at the moment, she doesn't know what to think.

Homophobia isn't just a word. It's powerful and it can show up anytime, anywhere, even within us. It gets easier to deal with when we are free from the big, burdensome secret. Once you are honest with her about your fear things should get easier even if she's not fully accepting at first.

Please be honest with her about what happened during your call last night. I'm a parent and I can tell you that right now she's worrying needlessly about your brother. At the same time don't beat yourself up for telling the story. It was due to your reaction to homophobia and it will get better for you. Take care and best wishes.

 

[glasvegas]

Good job bub! I am here to give you some support. Proud of you mate.

 

[Racer Dave]

Sounds to me like she's still working through it, even when I came out to my mom two weeks ago she initially didn't react at all she just said that I was glad I told her and that she accepts me for me. I went to see her again about 4 days later and she asked me sit and talk to her for a bit and then we had a long discussion about it. We totally cool now again and she seams comfortable again. So give her time she'll work through it in the end

 

[Rolyo85]

A little less wiggling, a lot more firmness. Tell her it is NOT a decision, and that she needs to deal with it, period. Don't explain and give "scenarios". It sounds like you are too scared to stand up to her, but at this point you have precious little choice.

 

[FREDDIE187]

Geez. you are wearing your poor mum out. Now wonder she just goes to bed when you start.

Just tell her in nice clear english, without any scenarios, that you like boys and not girls.

Give the poor woman a break.

 

[bhandsome]

Despite your scenarios, you've taken a bigger leap than I have with telling my Mom. That's an achievement.

 

[bigbear13201]

I did on Tuesday morning, over coffee.

I posted elsewhere, but I made a list of New Years Resolutions (for once) and have already accomplished most of it!

Until this past weekend, I was closeted and never had any real relationships either.

I had no idea what her response would be ...

and it was "I wish you would have told me sooner."

(BTW- I'm 37! if it makes you feel any better).

 

[Ganoderma]

What's gonna happen? i don't know. But i don't have to hide it anymore now.

hi Para0402,

Good to read you have told your mom that you like boys. I tend to think that she already had some clues that you had not alot of interests in girls?

I have no idea what will happen. Maybe you mom is curious about any boyfriend? Or about any of your gay friends? Or maybe your mom is curious if you will take with you a boyfriend when you will visit her again (all the way back to Malaysia)?

Well, be open to her, and try to tell her abit more about your friends and your daily life over there in the UK. Who knows, maybe she will tell you that you have a gay cousin / uncle as well.

Best wishes.