Finding Non-Thuggish Black Guys

[Zildjian]

For those of us who were unfortunately [at least in my case] born with darker skin tones [i.e. darker than paper sacks], it's increasingly hard to find an intelligent, non-thuggish African American guy for dating etc.

I'd like to find a guy my age who doesn't ascribe to the overly and biased portrayal of horrendouly-dressed, hip hop crazed thugs of the African American [male] culture.

Where are such prospects found?

 

[quipmstr]

Good luck. It's hard to find non-thuggish dudes of any ethnicity anymore. At least in America below a certain age.

Sadly enough, too few people realize the irony that "Thugs" come from "Thuggis", literally worshippers of Death (Kali). You know, like the villians in "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom". And so the drug/gang/unsafe sex culture proliferates, becoming another more virulent cult of death.

 

[Nagash]

Unfortunately their not that common. I mean I'm Caucasian, and by no means racist, but I think it's unfortunate that many African Americans see being a thug as part of their culture. It only makes people look at them with less respect, and gives those who are racist, ammunition to use against them. Ultimately hurting the cause for equality. What happened to the greatness, and sense of unity of the AA community during the 60's and 70's? Whats equally as disturbing, is that Caucasian people are taking up the same mantle of stupidity, and disrespect.

To answer your question though, I would hazard a guess that the best place to look for more down to earth AA's would be more rural locations. Avoid the cities where gangs are centered. I live in a small town community, and I had a few AA classmates in high school. None of which possessed the stereotypical thug demeanor. Of course, the difficult part after finding a non-thuggish AA guy is finding one who's gay in a rural town. It's not an easy job either way. I only know of one guy fitting the description of what your looking for, and he's in a relationship already.

 

[boy0boy]

Well I would think some college types could somewhat fit into that category.

I mean they're in College, which is a sign of wanting to further education, something not typical for the gang/thug type usually.

 

[-Lance-]

Thug-Love

<3

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Well I would think some college types could somewhat fit into that category.

I mean they're in College, which is a sign of wanting to further education, something not typical for the gang/thug type usually.

Absolutely. Go for the college, young professional kinda dude image and you'll do well.

SC

 

[NephilimSin]

From where I live there are plenty of gay/bi African American guys who are not the thuggish type. I agree with Napash and boy0boy, rural and colleges help.

I am black and dress goth, I am far from the thuggish look.

 

[CHUCK905]

For those of us who were unfortunately [at least in my case] born with darker skin tones [i.e. darker than paper sacks], ?

Hate to get all PC on your ass, but could you please explain the word "unfortunately" in your post. Or did you mean that ironically.

And I disagree with one of your responders in that I think it would be easier to find non-Thug African-American males in cities rather than rurally. That is, if one is looking for out gay blacks. Out gay blacks are much more visible in urban areas and a quick look in a free gay paper listing could lead you to clubs, bars, organizations etc. that cater to any ethnic type you want.

C

 

[Zildjian]

I'm as black as it gets, and I am far from being "thuggish".

Really? Your picture [avatar] says otherwise.

 

[kdskid2004]

wow.. ok .. not sure what city ur in but theyre out there. i'm black as it gets and i dress 'normal' and i guess dont fit the 'stereotype' youre talkin about. Even though it definately exists. Major cities and colleges for sure. I didn't grow up in this country so yeah.. its funny.. my black ass is afraid of black people sometimes but thats another story lol..

 

[Zildjian]

But still, I am rather dark-skinned. That avatar pic just happens to have flattering lighting.

Oh I see. I figured that.

Why do you have such issues about the darkness of your skin?

I want you to open up about that a bit more. I know your story from reading other threads of yours, but you should really try to get to the bottom of it. As long as you see your dark complexion as unattractive, you will never really feel good about yourself.

I don't really have issues about the darkness of my own skin, per se. In fact, I'm quite fine with it. I'm sort of a lighter skinned, bronze-esque man and I've accepted for years as a young 'black' man.

However, I do find that I have an overwhelming attraction to other races, primarily 'white' guys. Obviously I want to act on my attractions, but nothing will be accomplished because 'white' guys are mostly not attractive to 'black' guys. Yes, I have seldom attractions other 'black' guys [like your avatar picture is attractive] but usually they're straight or the thuggish type [which turns me completely off].

So I'm fine with my skin color, but it feels impossible to act on my attractions because of the limitations my skin color carries.

You see my point? I'm essentially stuck between a rock and a hard place.

[Maybe I should just get a little dog and stop wanting to find a guy altogether.]

Back to the topic at hand...

it's not that hard to find non-thuggish black guys. I met and went on dates with plenty of other black guys who don't fit that category.

You are lucky my friend. That's very difficult here in North Texas - looking at all the major dating sites and on Myspace for the Dallas/Ft. Worth area will let you know what I'm talking about.

 

[Soilwork]

To be honest, it doesn't seem contained to the Black community so much as to men under 25.

When I was that age, Hip Hop and rap weren't popular so all the young "thugs" were into hair metal. It was kinda silly seeing all these guys thinking they were BAD while driving around and blasting music by men in spandex pants.

I can tell you that even on Fratmen shoots, we have guys who need full-body make-overs before they shoot with us. Hair cuts, take out the earings, take off that hubcap from around your neck and stop flashing those silly "gang signs"... you're from Minneapolis.

They all listen to this music that I can only describe as "Some guy bragging about how much jewelry he wears, what kind of car he drives and how big his dick is." Not like it's much better, but in my day the men in the songs bragged about how hard they rocked, how bad they were and how many women they had.

Most hair bands wrote songs about their penises. David Coverdale named his band after his.

Not much you can do.. but just like it's been said above, there are plenty of guys who aren't in fitting with the current trend. Hey, when all my friends were pretending to be members of the KISS army, I was a Bruce Springsteen look-alike in sweatshirts and jeans. You just gotta look for the rebels.

 

[najfus]

Obviously I want to act on my attractions, but nothing will be accomplished because 'white' guys are mostly not attractive to 'black' guys.

Not true (in my experience).

I'm caucasion and have been in a relationship with a black man before.

You don't know unless you try.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>So I'm fine with my skin color, but it feels impossible to act on my attractions because of the limitations my skin color carries. You see my point?

Well, kinda. But from two steps back, it looks like you've got a problem that's extremely common with folks here - you're not a "hottie", however you want to define that. In a standard gay setting, gays would always skip over me, as well. Not because of my skin color - I'm white - but because I'm kinda pudgy and I'm not that attractive. There's the 1% (or so) of gay guys out there who attract the eyes, and then there's the rest of us. This means it's really unlikely that we'll lock eyes with the hot stud across the crowded room, and we march outside to go to one of our places for hot monkey sex.

So what's that mean? It means we gotta do things the slow way. We gotta attract guys with our personalities. It takes longer, we generally don't get as many boyfriends, but I've found that the relationships seem more stable this way.

Lex

 

[Zildjian]

>>>So I'm fine with my skin color, but it feels impossible to act on my attractions because of the limitations my skin color carries. You see my point?

Well, kinda. But from two steps back, it looks like you've got a problem that's extremely common with folks here - you're not a "hottie", however you want to define that.

Correct. I'll admit it. But I'm not bad looking though [I'm in physical shape, I dress well, I groom well]. But I'm not "HOT" or "Eye Candy" [whatever that means].

 

[Soilwork]

EVERYONE has trouble finding men who are attracted to them.

I'm sure that everyone has their hurdles... skin colour I'm sure is one and I can tell you from personal experience that if you're under 5'7", people tend to ignore you as well. Either that or they pat you on the head a lot.

Honestly, looks and "type" are less important when you're in love with someone, although yeah.. I'm not sure I could date a guy who was always "blinging out" and flashing Snoopy Dog Dog signs all the time. But that goes for any race, height or age.

 

[Zildjian]

Well, I'm glad to hear that you have accepted yourself as a black man, period. As you should.

Like you, I also seem to find myself primarily attracted to white men- but as I've told you before, I will not get upset because that doesn't seem to be the case the other way around. You just have to find those guys who are attracted to you.

Yes- regardless of how rare it seems, there are white men out there who will date you...with no reservations whatsoever. Those are the men who have enough common sense to know not all black guys are alike. They will fall for you as an individual.

Also, white men may be what you prefer, primarily. But please know and accept that they are not the "be all end all" to the world of dating. You may encounter them more (they're the majority), and may see more that you find attractive (they're your preference), but when you find that right man who you click with that knows how to treat you and love you...guess what? He just may be...black. Or Indian, or Asian...or something else.

Chances of you running into a guy you really like may look slim now, but (as much as I hate to say it)...you find things when you are not looking for it.

Thanks Huntneo for those edifying words. I appreciate it.

 

[Aflute04]

I'm as black as it gets, and I am far from being "thuggish".



We're out there.

Ditto! Well, except I'm fairly light skinned... But still. We'lre out there. College is a good place to look.

 

[Oden_grey]

Well I would think some college types could somewhat fit into that category.

I mean they're in College, which is a sign of wanting to further education, something not typical for the gang/thug type usually.

That's the thing though... Thugishness is more a style thing for educated blacks. I mean I've known more Fubu dressed black men in college than the Banana Republic type. I also know that blacks of hispanic origin tend to have better fashion sense.

I know where Zildjian is coming from with this. I've probably had the preppy look as long as I can remember. I've gotten a lot of flack for it from other blacks for dressing "too white". That's when I realised that blacks that thought that way were just big fucking lead anchors in my life. They just wanted to keep me marginalized and mediocre like them.

It was hard at first abandoning people I knew because of their criticisms, but for all intents and purposes the preppy look was a lot more comfortable... I mean I didn't want to be hoisting my pants up all day and wear Tshirts that are 2 sizes to big. If you have a decent body, wearing clothes that fit only accent it more. Furthermore I never understood the reason for wearing big baggy jeans and timberlands in the dead of summer... I'm more of a shorts and flip-flops/sandals guy.

I think furthermore, wearing mainstream clothing gets you more respect... it is sad but true. Everyone takes you on in a more positive light if you speak English the way it was meant to be spoken and you dress in a presentable way. And I think this is something that anti-social blacks have a problem with. I mean, our Black American "leaders' spend so much time making our youth think they are perpetually victimized, when just about everyone in America who isn't white gets treated like rubbish from time to time. The only thing these kids can grasp onto that is their own is just a culture of negativity and perpetual poverty. Meanwhile those so called "leaders" wear the best clothing, live in the finest houses and drive only the best cars money can buy... and that's the way they like it. They like us all to be negative and stupid, because if we are all a little more positive and smart... they'd have to give up their cushy livings as "Reverend so and so" and actually get jobs.