Finding Serious Relationships

[TheOscar]

Do you think that being gay makes it harder to find a serious relationship with a man, since men are more likely to not be looking for something serious? What has been your experience or what are your opinions?

For the most part, I would love have serious relationships, but I'm unsure how easy it'll be to find a serious relationship, in the first place, if [possibly] most gay men are not looking for that....

 

[silverbelt]

I don't buy that most men aren't looking for a serious relationship. I think that's just the perception given by media, that men are only looking to fool around for a while. There's plenty of guys out there who are looking for serious relationships.

That said, I do agree that it's harder to actually find one. What with so many guys being closeted or afraid to reach out, it's logically more difficult to meet people. This is exacerbated by lots of gay guys turning to sites like Manhunt and Grindr, where it really is more likely that members aren't looking for something serious.

 

[bacchus]

the problem isn't necessarily finding a serious relationship, at least for the people i know. the problem seems to be finding one that fits your (using the word 'you' in the general sense) criteria for what a relationship should be.

some people have to redefine what their priorities are when it comes to being with someone, and broaden their searches. in my experience, at least the minimal experience i DO have, the person who has made me the most content is the one who made me question what it was i was looking for, and helped me realize that what i thought i wanted and what i needed didn't coincide.

 

[jasoncrew03]

I wasn't looking for anything serious when I met my boyfriend, I thought it was going to be like all my other sexual relationships and be a one-time only thing. But it did, granted I kept running away from it and coming back for almost a year before we really got serious.

 

[sixthson]

For the most part, I would love have serious relationships,

You say relationships (plural). How many serious relationships do you want? To me, a serious relationship means someone with whom you would like to settle down. Is that how you define it?

 

[borg69unimatrix]

the problem isn't necessarily finding a serious relationship, at least for the people i know. the problem seems to be finding one that fits your (using the word 'you' in the general sense) criteria for what a relationship should be.

some people have to redefine what their priorities are when it comes to being with someone, and broaden their searches. in my experience, at least the minimal experience i DO have, the person who has made me the most content is the one who made me question what it was i was looking for, and helped me realize that what i thought i wanted and what i needed didn't coincide.

Great Post!

 

[sixthson]

If you are with someone for several years.. is that not serious?

IMO, just because you are serious with someone means you want to get married and have kids together.

And men aren't less wanting to get into serious relationships.. they wants families too.

The fact that gay men and women cannot procreate and don't fit the traditional nuclear family I believe makes the idea of settling down not so urgent.

Thank you, TheOscar.

 

[sixthson]

Hey, just giving my 2 cents

I appreciate that. I was just asking the OP to clarify his definition of "serious relationships" since he used the plural. I was not being critical of him in anyway, but I was sarcastic with you and I apologize.

 

[TheOscar]

You say relationships (plural). How many serious relationships do you want? To me, a serious relationship means someone with whom you would like to settle down. Is that how you define it?

I forget to add "to". Darn not being able to edit after a bit...

But it's plural because I am not sure if the very first person I'm in a serious relationship with will be "the one". So, if that doesn't work out, I'd still like to find another serious relationship. It's the type I'm gonna be generally looking for. If that makes more sense to you.


(I was wondering why you called him "TheOscar". I figured it was sarcasm, haha.)

 

[MoltenRock III]

Men by in large do want serious relationships, just not many at age 20 or 25 as the majority of men here are, and that's perfectly understandable and healthy. Let's be honest, guys from 17 to 22 don't even know themselves at all, know what they really need, and have the emotional maturity to handle it, and that's both reality, and ok. This isn't a petty slight, it's reality.

People change so much from the ages of 18(+/-) to 25(+/-) it's amazing. Another thing we all learn along the way is the things we thought we wanted, in many cases turned out to not be the things we actually needed. This was especially telling with my selection in men, and what I thought I wanted in a relationship was not in any way what I needed as an adult, gay male.

Far too often people want a relationship to fill some hole inside themselves or to cover over an emotional deficit. What makes a relationship strong, and lasting is when the both of you are happy, well-adjusted, and full individuals on your own, and the coming together just makes all of that become better. It's hard to explain sometimes.

 

[TheOscar]

Men by in large do want serious relationships, just not many at age 20 or 25 as the majority of men here are, and that's perfectly understandable and healthy. Let's be honest, guys from 17 to 22 don't even know themselves at all, know what they really need, and have the emotional maturity to handle it, and that's both reality, and ok. This isn't a petty slight, it's reality.

People change so much from the ages of 18(+/-) to 25(+/-) it's amazing. Another thing we all learn along the way is the things we thought we wanted, in many cases turned out to not be the things we actually needed. This was especially telling with my selection in men, and what I thought I wanted in a relationship was not in any way what I needed as an adult, gay male.

Far too often people want a relationship to fill some hole inside themselves or to cover over an emotional deficit. What makes a relationship strong, and lasting is when the both of you are happy, well-adjusted, and full individuals on your own, and the coming together just makes all of that become better. It's hard to explain sometimes.

You're right, I often do get confused on what it is exactly I want, but I know don't want to be sleeping around all over the place, either. And I certainly see myself changing in five years, no doubt.


(And I could have sworn the majority in here was slightly older-than-that men)

 

[maxpowr9]

You're right, I often do get confused on what it is exactly I want, but I know don't want to be sleeping around all over the place, either. And I certainly see myself changing in five years, no doubt.


(And I could have sworn the majority in here was slightly older-than-that men)

Well, we all are constantly changing. You don't just his some magic age and suddenly everything is set in stone.

This is something that I would like to add to what MR3 said and what I say over and over in the CO/R section here when people talk about dating while closeted or dating closeted guys...

"You can't love anybody else until you love yourself."

Just keep reminding yourself of that and I feel a guy will see that love inside of you.

 

[TheOscar]

Well, we all are constantly changing. You don't just his some magic age and suddenly everything is set in stone.

This is something that I would like to add to what MR3 said and what I say over and over in the CO/R section here when people talk about dating while closeted or dating closeted guys...

"You can't love anybody else until you love yourself."

Just keep reminding yourself of that and I feel a guy will see that love inside of you.

But I do love myself! =D *hugs self*

I am just not out, but that has nothing to do with me not liking myself and will not stop me from being out to other people. ;D