Finding "The One" or at least "Someone"

[M4P]

Welcome to the forum and thanks for posting. I hope to see you posting again soon

Small towns can be a tough place to be when you're looking for gay friends. Have you considered looking for some volunteer opportunities?

This is one of my first posts. I've been around quite a while, but haven't provided much input. My input comes today about the lack of gay culture in small towns.

I live in an area of about 150,000 people, and it seems impossible to find other gay or even bi guys. I don't even know where to begin looking. It seems that no one worth dating hangs around the gay bars, so where do I find guys? Are there any suggestions from other members in small towns, or do I just need to move? I'm just so frustrated.

 

[Evsann]

Hell, I am in Atlanta and am having trouble with this. I have been wondering if there are options other than bars.

 

[Ninja108]

One thing I learned is if you try too hard, you'll never find love. Not the world's best advice giver but from my expierence, you can't go out and find it, it finds you.

 

[NickCole]

Be out in public as much as possible and take the initiative to talk to people.

Places like coffee shops, bookstores, counter service at diners can be good places to meet people.

Adopt a friendly dog and walk him in public parks, established hiking trails -- places where you're likely to run into people willing to take a few minutes to talk.

Find out if there are groups that attract gays, centered on stuff that interests you, and join in. In my area, for example, there are cooking classes through a boutique cooking supply store, and the historical society attracts gays interested in antiques and vintage architecture. Go to local cultural events, plays, art shows, musical performances, or athletic events, whatever interests you, and talk to people who appeal to you. But also (I hope this makes sense to you) be a little aloof -- there's something about the human animal that is attracted to what isn't too easily attained.

Talk is where it begins. Be friendly and engaged, interested, willing to open up a little. And if you meet someone you click with don't be shy about asking him to join you for a cup of coffee or sandwich. I also like to bring up potentially controversial issues because if you agree it can be a really good ice-breaker. Waiting in line for a cup of coffee at Starbucks last week, I saw the front page of the paper and Bush's response to the Iraq commission's recommendations. I commented on it to a woman (I didn't know) next to me, and a guy ahead of me turned around to respond to what I'd said. The woman left and he and I had a fun conversation. By the time the friend I was meeting arrived, the new guy was clearly interested in me and hinted he wanted to join us -- but I'm in a LTR, and also my friend and I hadn't seen each other in years and we'd been looking forward to catching up. Otherwise who knows ...

Take a chance, be bold. There are people everywhere who would love to meet someone new and interesting. In some ways a small town can be easier than a city.

 

[Homoerectus]

Find a church which accepts gays and has gay programs. The more gays you meet and meet their friends, the greater are your options of meeting someone.

 

[drhladnjak]

Even in mid-sized cities, it's hard to meet people. When I used to live in the research triangle area of North Carolina (population of about a million people), it was difficult to meet other gay people even though it was a fairly accepting place. There were few volunteer opportunities, only 3 gay bars, virtually no non-bar places to meet, virtually no common interest clubs, a few gay-friendly churches. In a small town, the situation of course is even more limited.

Online dating has probably given gay people living in rural or small town areas more new opportunities than any other group. Sure, it has its drawbacks, but it can help you to at least find other gay people for friends, hookups or if you're lucky something more serious.

Regardless of what you do, it will simply be harder to meet guys in a small town than in a large city with a sizeable gay population. The truth is that most out gay guys who grow up in small towns leave for the big city. I see it all the time here in Seattle with guys from places like Alaska, Montana and Idaho in particular. I'm not saying you have to leave, but you should consider what you want out of your life. Is being near your family really important? Do your prefer small town life (and you can't really answer this question until you've lived in both a small town and big city)? Do you want to be somewhere you're less likely to be discriminated against for being gay? Do you want better access to finding a boyfriend, listening to live music, gay bars/clubs, gay volunteer opportunities, gay-friendly churches?

 

[wilehart1978]

I hear ya, dude...as much as I love my friends who are straight..I'd love to spend time hanging out with some guys that are into guys... It would be really cool to have some friends who not just understand but relate....Good luck in your search....

This is one of my first posts. I've been around quite a while, but haven't provided much input. My input comes today about the lack of gay culture in small towns.

I live in an area of about 150,000 people, and it seems impossible to find other gay or even bi guys. I don't even know where to begin looking. It seems that no one worth dating hangs around the gay bars, so where do I find guys? Are there any suggestions from other members in small towns, or do I just need to move? I'm just so frustrated.

 

[drhladnjak]

Just thought I'd mention that the 2000 census did not allow people to identify their sexual orientation. It did however for the first time allow people to choose "unmarried partner" plus a gender when describing other members of their household. So in effect, the census has only been able to count couples who share a household (no singles or couple who don't happen to live together). Moreover, only people who are comfortable enough to be out to the census bureau choose this bubble. In previous censuses, people generally would have selected options like "housemate/roommate" or "other non-relative" instead.

 

[spreadeagle]

This question comes up time and again - I'll try for concision.

There is no 'Mr Right' ready-made relationship waiting for you.
The only way to find appropriate potential partners is by engaging socially in areas of life that you feel passionately interested in. Frequenting bars, clubs, saunas etc merely signals your insecurity about your solitary status. By contrast, when you're enthusiastically involved in some pastime that is not about looking for a partner, then you are at your most interesting, attractive and real.