Finding the right person

[curiousel]

It seems like I have a bad track record. On adam4adam and plentyoffish and a few other singles sites right now. My relationships so far seem to be a mixed bag. Perhaps my entire approach is wrong. I write that I'm looking for friends first and sex second though like any other guy I can be very physical.. lol I think I'm a decent looking guy. Not GQ, but not horrible. Thanks to anyone who replies.

 

[Artisticboy89]

Ok looking at your Adam4Adam.com profile I can tell you a few things that you can do to improve your image on it.

Picture:
you are using a picture in which you are holding a camera and facing strait toward a mirror (also your eyes in picture two are a bit scary). I would suggest either taking a picture yourself with a timer or have a friend take a picture of you that's more flattering.

Profile summary:
"I know this is adam4adam so my expectations aren't especially high. Looking for someone normal to be friends with and possibly more depending on how well we get along. I'm 25, d/d free, professional, like to keep things simple. I don't think sex should be the #1 priority when meeting someone. Mostly into white and latin guys close to my age. If you think we have something in common drop me a line. Not really wanting to share my whole life story here, lol.


Business, Cars, Web 2.0, Technology, Documentaries, TV, Reading, Exercise."

-Leave out the negative. You start off on a negative note and that's not good.
-I'm not sure what d/d free means, which probably means others don't know what it means, try not to use acronyms.
-Your stance on relationship first, sex later isn't wrong (I share a similar view) but in order for that statement to work your going to have to give readers a reason to want to get to know you better, flesh out your hobbies a bit more.
-End your note with something positive, not what you don't want to do.
-Don't use Lol/Rofl/haha/heh/ect. it usually reads bad.
-Try to use proper grammar, make sure to not have sentence fragments


Please don't take any of this as harsh, you questioned if you were doing things wrong and from a writing stance there were a few ways I think you could improve (think of it as a dating resume)

 

[bearfan]

Go to a gay bar.

 

[Gin&Tonic]

Get off Adam4Adam... Don't go to a gay bar... do things you feel comfortable with, and a very special guy will come into your life.

I think you are so cute btw

 

[Artisticboy89]

Get off Adam4Adam... Don't go to a gay bar... do things you feel comfortable with, and a very special guy will come into your life.

I think you are so cute btw

I don't see anything wrong with being on Adam4adam.com or going to a bar. A lot of people do it and there is a chance at finding someone you like on those kinds of sites/bars. Limiting your surroundings only limits your possibilities, do it all and eventually you will find someone (but don't solely rely on online sites, make sure you do go out and be sociable)

 

[Gin&Tonic]

I don't see anything wrong with being on Adam4adam.com or going to a bar. A lot of people do it and there is a chance at finding someone you like on those kinds of sites/bars. Limiting your surroundings only limits your possibilities, do it all and eventually you will find someone (but don't solely rely on online sites, make sure you do go out and be sociable)

He is looking for 'the right person' not 'the right hookup'

You don't find your life partner or the right guy on Adam4Adam... you meet guys that wanna have sex with you.

Sure you can meet guys in a bar... But what will you find there?

Not a long lasting relationship.

It's just the truth.

 

[Artisticboy89]

He is looking for 'the right person' not 'the right hookup'

You don't find your life partner or the right guy on Adam4Adam... you meet guys that wanna have sex with you.

Sure you can meet guys in a bar... But what will you find there?

Not a long lasting relationship.

It's just the truth.

I wouldn't be so quick to judge, there's a lot of people on those sites that aren't looking for a hookup. Whether it's on a field, in a bar, or online they are all people, and for every one person there is another who will fall in love with him (its statistically probable) the more people you talk to the better the chance.

 

[SimpleMan]

Man, I'm in the same situation... almost *exactly* the same, really. It's tough when you're looking for a real connection, not just a hook-up. I just try to be patient, and keep an open mind. As stated before, it's almost impossible to find what guys like us are looking for on dating sites, or in bars.. which really seems cut down on the options. I guess it's true, you can't hurry love.

On a side note, with me, pretty much my biggest interest is cars, and it's really not that easy to find gay guys who are into cars as much as me. So, that always cuts out a couple hours of interesting conversation potential, haha. So with me, finding instant common ground to work with is a rare occurence. Therefor, in my profiles, I try to list as many interests as I can think of, even ones that I'm not *that* into, because if you know anything about a subject, it's at least something to spark conversation (and maybe even some quality time if the guy wants to teach me more about it )

So don't get discouraged. Honestly, you're absolutely adorable *and* you know what you want. That's never a bad combo.

BTW the mirror pic made me laugh my ass off

all the best,

SimpleMan

 

[curiousel]

Man, I'm in the same situation... almost *exactly* the same, really. It's tough when you're looking for a real connection, not just a hook-up. I just try to be patient, and keep an open mind. As stated before, it's almost impossible to find what guys like us are looking for on dating sites, or in bars.. which really seems cut down on the options. I guess it's true, you can't hurry love.

On a side note, with me, pretty much my biggest interest is cars, and it's really not that easy to find gay guys who are into cars as much as me. So, that always cuts out a couple hours of interesting conversation potential, haha. So with me, finding instant common ground to work with is a rare occurence. Therefor, in my profiles, I try to list as many interests as I can think of, even ones that I'm not *that* into, because if you know anything about a subject, it's at least something to spark conversation (and maybe even some quality time if the guy wants to teach me more about it )

So don't get discouraged. Honestly, you're absolutely adorable *and* you know what you want. That's never a bad combo.

BTW the mirror pic made me laugh my ass off

all the best,

SimpleMan

Hi SimpleMan. Yeah the mirror pic was really supposed to be a joke. I guess someone people picked up on it, others didn't. Perhaps I could have been a bit more subtle. I could easily focus on just the physical, believe me I've gotten quite a few offers. However after it's all said and done, I'd rather have a guy who enjoys being with me and is willing to grow together than one who wants to get in my pants regardless of how cute or well off he is.

I like to read car reviews and videos on youtube about the latest models / tech developments. That new Nismo 370z looks wicked.


Yes, it seems like the pool of potential matches is fairly small. I've even completed one of those lengthy personality profiles on okcupid. I deleted what I had a while back but might just go back and do it. What's the worst that can happen right? I suppose it also can be an obstacle that I'm still living with my parents. They aren't used to having company over at all.

Just today I started talking to a new guy on okcupid. He messaged me around a year go, I stopped using the site and we never chatted again. Planning to hang out with him on Thursday. Talked for over an hour. Totally wasn't expecting it. He's an intellectual too, which could be good or bad. I hope we make a good match. Thanks for the kind words also.

 

[curiousel]

Artisticboy89 I appreciate your feedback. From my perspective adding the little bits and pieces to my writing adds a little personalization to what otherwise could be a bland profile. The picture was meant to be a mildly artistic form of humor, a demonstration that I'm not all serious. The points mentioned on negativity and grammar will be duly noted.

All the people who have messaged me on adam4adam didn't fit any of my criteria, primarily asking me 'sup' or other very general questions.
Didn't share anything about themselves with me or give me a reason to be interested them other than the physical. In that light, one could totally consider the 500 odd characters to be a mini dating resume.

 

[curiousel]

Go to a gay bar.

Despite 6 years of embracing my sexuality, I have never went to a gay bar. I went to a lounge some years ago, but there were lots of straight people there. However as the saying goes don't knock it until you've tried it?

 

[curiousel]

I appreciate the replies from all of you guys! It means a lot to me.

 

[youngnihilist]

Why not expand racial preferences?

 

[yuengling]

Yeah but if you don't go to a gay bar you'll end up falling for straight guys all the time or initially deciphering whether they are gay or not when you only look in average places.

 

[curiousel]

Why not expand racial preferences?

Well I know what turns me on, so I figured I'd make it pretty obvious.

 

[curiousel]

Yeah but if you don't go to a gay bar you'll end up falling for straight guys all the time or always wondering when you talk to guys....

You make the assumption I go to bars frequently. My average is once a month, simply because my friends are there.

 

[hotatlboi]

I don't see anything wrong with being on Adam4adam.com or going to a bar. A lot of people do it and there is a chance at finding someone you like on those kinds of sites/bars. Limiting your surroundings only limits your possibilities, do it all and eventually you will find someone (but don't solely rely on online sites, make sure you do go out and be sociable)

This is so right. I've met several friends on adam4adam and craigslist (friends as in we dont just see each other to have sex) and the perception is that those sites are only for hookups. There are other guys looking for other things too like friends and relationships.

There's no "one right method" for meeting people interested in more than sex.

 

[KaraBulut]

Artisticboy89 has given you feedback on your profile and the over-used mirror picture. It's a view of how someone who has to make a judgment based upon your profile will view you.

Take the advice. Fix your profile. And get pictures that do you justice.

 

[curiousel]

Well the date I went on tonight didn't go nearly as well as I planned. We have some common interests, but overall he's not a good fit for me. I shook his hand at the end and told him I'd chat with him online. Then I get home to see he defriended me from fb. Another learning experience.

 

[curiousel]

Took some more pictures, didn't come out very well. Think I'm keeping my shirt on for a while, lol. I also need a haircut. :/