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- Sep 19, 2011
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Hey guys. I've never really told anyone but I've never had any sexual encounters in my life. The most i've ever done was kiss a girl at a camp when I was younger and was so afraid I ignored her for days, eventually leading her breaking up with me. Now, that was like 6-7 years ago but at the time I still being really attracted to older men. I'm 20 now and still a virgin but I've been getting tired of that so I tried joining a sex/dating site for heaver guys (I'm sorta heavy but hitting the gym lately to fix it) and after posting a pic, actually got a flirt or two from some older men. Now, he's even gone and messaged me.
The first thought that someone was interested in me actually made me kinda happy for once. The thing is, I'm freaked to death over what to do. I mean, where do I go from here? I wanna respond but don't know if I should in case my mind changes or I freak out over what's next.
Maybe I think I'm just really self conscious about my body and the act of sex itself. When I was getting heavier over the past 2 years, my body sorta got a few....stretch marks is how I put it. along with some back acne that I'm trying to clear up, I fear what this person who could be my first, think of me if they are open to more. The strange thing is, when I go to the gym, I have no fear being fully nude around tons of older guys and even sitting in a hot tube with them nude. Then there's another part too, I fear that I'd be so unsatisfatory to someone as I'd probably release just by them touching me as I've never really done anything before. I'm excited just by the idea of what could happen and what could not happen.
I don't know why I keep ranting, sorry if this is too long.
Edit
kay, not a minute after this post, I responded to one person. My first anything at all, I'm nervous as heck right now.
The first thought that someone was interested in me actually made me kinda happy for once. The thing is, I'm freaked to death over what to do. I mean, where do I go from here? I wanna respond but don't know if I should in case my mind changes or I freak out over what's next.
Maybe I think I'm just really self conscious about my body and the act of sex itself. When I was getting heavier over the past 2 years, my body sorta got a few....stretch marks is how I put it. along with some back acne that I'm trying to clear up, I fear what this person who could be my first, think of me if they are open to more. The strange thing is, when I go to the gym, I have no fear being fully nude around tons of older guys and even sitting in a hot tube with them nude. Then there's another part too, I fear that I'd be so unsatisfatory to someone as I'd probably release just by them touching me as I've never really done anything before. I'm excited just by the idea of what could happen and what could not happen.
I don't know why I keep ranting, sorry if this is too long.
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