first experience; can't cum

[newgreekjub]

Hi everyone!

Some basic stats for those interested; 26 5'10, 181 6.5 cut. will put some pics on later of course

Anyway, after 26 years of being closeted and not engaging in any homosexual activity, I decided to go for it. Within the last year I told immediate family of my sexual interests etc and it isn't really a giant shock as there are others in my family who are gay etc. They've been very supportive. Still have not actually formally 'come out' to everyone, but I'm open in responding to inquiries.

So, I went on craigslist (chicago) and met a guy that shared similar interests etc. We hit it off, talked via email / text for a couple weeks, then I met him at the bar he works at. From there he allowed me to sleep at his house and we had lunch afterwards. I did not advance sexually since it was the first meeting, but I was definately attracted and interested at this point. We agree to meet again next weekend.

Long story short, he starts playing games w/ me via text and ultimately blows me off the following weekend. I email asking him wtf happened. He comes up with some nonsense about his phone service. He also mentions he has other options and he likes it that way. I give him another shot next weekend.

He comes over to my apt via train. We chill, watch a movie, I spoon him etc. Basically enjoying everything to this point. BTW i had a hard on pretty much the entire time LOL. Like I was a teenager again.


Then we're in bed and I make a move, we fool around but ultimately I can not sustain the erection (i was top)b/c from what I read here the pressure combined with blue-balls lead to it being a bit uncomfortable. He was understanding.

FAST forward to this last weekend. I pick him up from his bar saturday, take him back to my place in the burbs the following sunday afternoon. We play some CoD Black ops (we're both gamers; he's 29 btw. slender a bit taller and good looking), look at showtimes when all of a sudden he straddles me!

Nice. he then goes down on me on the couch for a bit, then I go to the bedroom. Some foreplay, I insert again and this time did it correctly and lasted the whole duration. He came a couple times... I however could not. Just like last weekend. It felt good but every time I started to get close I hit a mental block.

He told me to pull out and jerk off on him and I tried. Still could not come. He was again patient and said we'd figure this out.


So yeah. Why can't I cum? I talked to my open and accepting dad about this today and he said that it is probably because I lost attraction after he pulled the B/S and that is causing it.

Thanks in advance and I will openly respond to any questions you may have.

-Steve

 

[looseliam]

There's something going on upstairs for one reason or the other. What is it; who knows?

In time, as you become more comfortable, there shouldn't be a problem. I have, however, met guys that don't/won't/can't cum during sex and he has to finish himself off afterwards. Some guys are like that.

Oh, and welcome to JUB!

 

[KaraBulut]

Look: what in your life have you ever done perfectly the first time?

Did you sign up for the Tour de France after your first attempt to ride a bicycle? Did you try out for Dancing with the Stars after your first dance?

There's no magic to sex. It seldom goes perfectly the first few times. Thank god it feels good or most people would throw in the towel after the first couple of tries.

Relax. The point of sex is not to come. The point is to have a good time and get your partner off.

So get back out there and try try try again.

 

[Greendragon]

your 'problem' is much better than coming too soon and having to stop. It'll resolve itself when you get more comfortable with sex. If he's ok with helping with it, try masturbating yourself to orgasm, maybe while watching porn, with him in the room. Perhaps you have a mental block about another guy seeing you come.

 

[syndrom3]

This is definitely an upstairs problem.. I get this problem a lot with women (well probably also because I'm fantasizing about men and get confused). But even when I was all about girls I could go and go but wouldn't cum. I'd get frustrated and want to go eat ice cream and feel sorry for myself.

Maybe try talking with him about it? Tell him you have a mental block and can't figure out why. Maybe he'll do things to make you more comfortable and such.

I hope everything cums out ok

 

[newgreekjub]

thanks for all the responses. I'll be persistent.

It is definately a male thing. That suggestion about using porn with him in the room is a good idea.

and honestly, despite the fact that I know I am gay (or pretty much 90% haha) I would not have a problem cumming w/ a random woman.

just being honest.

thanks again.

-steve

 

[Seasoned]

It's simple. You don't trust him. Your father is right and good for you and him. I could never have done that!

 

[newgreekjub]

It's simple. You don't trust him. Your father is right and good for you and him. I could never have done that!

I've been keeping him in the loop throughout. His brother/my uncle is gay so he is used to it. Even met my mom at a gay bar using my uncle as a wingman lol.

Pretty lucky because he is open and accepting, even providing relationship advice like this. He is even letting me use his car since my beater was recently impounded for the weekends since "it will make me happy". Sick.



Anyway, what is my next move here?

From a purely shallow point of view, he's giving me free drinks at a bar that has a mixed crowd sexually, some 'experience' and we actually have a lot in common. We see each other once a week.

Let this go a bit while I meet other people then reduce it from a friends w/ benefits scenario to friends only?

thought coming out was going to simplify my life haha

 

[KaraBulut]

Let this go a bit while I meet other people then reduce it from a friends w/ benefits scenario to friends only?

Honestly, you're making this a lot more complicated than it needs to be.

You're not picking out a china pattern for your wedding. It's just dating.

This guy knows what he's getting into. Apparently, he's still interested.

Just relax and enjoy it for what it is. If it works out, great. If not, then move on when the time comes.

 

[newgreekjub]

your 'problem' is much better than coming too soon and having to stop. It'll resolve itself when you get more comfortable with sex. If he's ok with helping with it, try masturbating yourself to orgasm, maybe while watching porn, with him in the room. Perhaps you have a mental block about another guy seeing you come.

there was a period where I had a hard time urinating in public restrooms unless I was in a stall. Got over it eventually. I guess this could be similar and will. like everyone suggested, go away in time.


Kara, thanks for the reality check

 

[PrinceCory]

Keep us posted newgreekjub in this thread! There are a few of us in the same situation as you. I even had the "stage fright" of not being able to urinate when anyone else was standing near...I didn't get over that until late 30's or early 40's.

 

[newgreekjub]

Tried again this SUnday morning after he closed the bar... no success. I'm getting frustrated. I tried not masturbating much during the week (did it once), even then it took 20 minutes.

I hit the "grip of death" this time. Maybe because I drank a bit and tried too soon after.

I'm going to attempt to masturbate a lot this week, just to get into the routine of coming regularly. Running out of ideas.

 

[KaraBulut]

Um how long are you expecting it to take?

Most guys wouldn't complain about a guy coming 20 minutes into sex.

Twenty minutes is well within the Goldilocks not-too-hot-not-too-cold window between "Geez, that was over before it began" and "Geez, come already, I'm getting sore!".

 

[newgreekjub]

Um how long are you expecting it to take?

Most guys wouldn't complain about a guy coming 20 minutes into sex.

Twenty minutes is well within the Goldilocks not-too-hot-not-too-cold window between "Geez, that was over before it began" and "Geez, come already, I'm getting sore!".

I meant that it actually took 20 minutes of masturbation watching porn to cum, by myself.

He's cool and it doesn't seem to bother him, but it is starting to really frustrate me. I want to cum not only for him, but for my pleasure. Well obviously


fyi, takes him 10-15 minutes before he gets sore.

 

[KaraBulut]

Well, better late to the party than to not show up at all.

 

[newgreekjub]

haha. story of my life. fashionably late.