First kiss problem

[Artisticboy89]

Apologies to begin with because this may end up being longer than I intend it to be, mainly because it takes a fair amount of explanation.

Okay well I'll start with the fact that I'm a 19 year old gay man. I lack self confidence because of the way I used to look and I got bullied a lot during school because of how I looked and it's kinda stuck with me even though everyone says I no longer look how I used to. The point is that I'm 19 and haven't even kissed a guy or a girl, my friends all think this is my fault and in some cases it is. I'll try and explain. I've never found a guy that's really been interested in me, I came out to my friends when I was about 14/15 but there weren't that many gay guys where I lived.

Like I said I lack self confidence so when I go out I find it exceptionally difficult to approach guys and talk to them, especially guys I find really really hot. It's my fault because I've had chances to kiss guys before but I never wanted any of them to be my first kiss, I want it to be special and with someone that I want to remember, not through a game of Truth and Dare with someone I don't really like.

Well this has like a major effect on me coz I go out to clubs and see my friends getting loads of attention from guys and I'm just there on my own, no one ever comes and talks to me or even looks in my direction and so when I go home I feel really really depressed. There have been two incidents when I've wondered whether it's worth me being around anymore, I just don't see the point if people don't care for me.

I know this all sounds a bit boo hoo and cry for attention but it's honestly not, I do honestly feel that way sometimes. Recently I went to a club with my friends and they all got off with like 9 or 10 guys in one night and not one guy approached me. There was a game of Truth or Dare and I wanted to kiss this one guy but he wanted me to kiss my friend first and I was like "sorry I can't do that, I have my reasons" and then my friend kept going on about it all night about how he got to kiss this really hot guy, even when he saw I was really upset, he just kept going on about it.

I was just hoping someone could help, if anyone else ever feels this way or if anyone else has ever encountered something like this?

I have a very similar situation, I'm 19, but just recently came to terms with my sexuality... the only kiss Ive had was with a girl but i was like 11 so that didn't count lol...

Honestly let me put it this way... it's just a kiss. You might remember your first kiss but honestly the one you will truly look back at is your first kiss with someone special... just get your mack on get good so that first kiss with a guy you like isn't something you will think back at and blush.

Now its a different story if your like me and you just are scared to be vunerable and let people know your weaknesses... you may not get attention because you look scared, even if you think your hiding it, it shows. Just be calm live your life how you want it and don't care about anything you feel 'must be done'.

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Are young gay guys talking about "first kiss" now? I think I was fucked by 6 different men before anybody ever kissed me...

 

[bluepheonix]

Are young gay guys talking about "first kiss" now? I think I was fucked by 6 different men before anybody ever kissed me...

Sounds about right. I think for me it was 5.

I hear being Vestal Virgins is coming back in vogue.

I guess its up to the individual, being easy/sleeping around doesnt make everyone happy.

 

[TX-Beau]

That's a lot of baggage to put on a kiss. If you're determined to put that amount of import on your first kiss, you'll probably convince yourself you're in love with the first guy who kisses you, just so it'll be "special."

You have to have a special guy before you're going to get a special kiss.

I don't remember the first guy I kissed, I remember the first guy I was in love with.

 

[TX-Beau]

Well then may I suggest I doubt highly that you will be successful in finding the type of guy you are saying you want at a bar. It's like going to a church and hoping to find an atheist.

I've had plenty of "special kisses" in bars. (grin)

 

[SashaMitchell]

Are young gay guys talking about "first kiss" now? I think I was fucked by 6 different men before anybody ever kissed me...

That is fucking hilarious.

 

[slickery]

Okay thank you to start with to the people that have suggested things, they have been things I haven't considered before.

However, firstly I want to state that I'm not in the closet, i'm pretty open and comfortable with my sexuality so I'm not hiding who I am.

Secondly, the idea of promiscuity is something I hate. I don't want to sleep around with everyone that I see, it kind of has no effect on me, I'm not that kind of person.

Thirdly, kissing may not be important to some, but to me it is. I'm not being a prude or setting my standards too high, I'd just like it to be nice and something I want to remember, not something I cringe at everytime someone mentions it.

These are excuses you are giving yourself as to why you haven't kissed anyone yet. It's actually kind of pathetic. I went through about 6 months in my life when I told everyone I didn't like going out and hadn't seen anyone because of the same reason(s). You aren't fooling anyone!

A kiss is a kiss. If you're waiting for mr right to come along for a fireworks pash, it's not goin to happen! Get over it. Get out there and mingle! Your friends do it, just join along. If you need booze to loosen you up, then drink some alcohol.

In fact you don't even have to talk to anyone. Next time you are out, just start dancing with people. The dance floor is the easiest place to hook up and you don't even have to say anything. Besides you're never going to get better at it if you never do it, so eventually you do meet someone special you wont be a total slob and turn them off with bad kissing.

Sorry if that's harsh, but it's reality. I believe Flight of the Conchords summed it up the best with "a kiss is not a contract" just because you kiss someone doesn't mean you have to sleep with them or makes you a big ol slut. I kiss people all the time while I'm out, no big deal. It doesn't mean I'm going to sleep with them, or want to be their boyfriend, it's just a kiss, it's fun.

Honestly, in the larger spectrums of life, you will kiss many people. A kiss isn't anything special unless it's with someone special. I've kissed countless people and don't give it a second thought, but when I do kiss someone special I remember it. Pull yourself away from your pity party, and go kiss some people. If you were around I would totally pash you just to get it over with.

 

[TX-Beau]

These are excuses you are giving yourself as to why you haven't kissed anyone yet. It's actually kind of pathetic. I went through about 6 months in my life when I told everyone I didn't like going out and hadn't seen anyone because of the same reason(s). You aren't fooling anyone!

Wasn’t going to say it, but since you brought it up…

To the OP, take a look at your motives, because a lot of guys throw obstacles into their own path because of insecurities of one kind or another.

Why is it so important to have some kind of sleeping beauty thing going on here? Just because? What’s so special about it, because it’s first? Why is it necessary to put so much importance on first.