First real date, need advice...

[hijodelaestrella]

Okay... so I'm going for dinner and a movie with a guy this Friday. We've only been out for coffee once and we seemed to click. I'm picking him up, which he seems pleased about (good manners, I figure). We both want to go to the same restaurant and movie, so no problems there. I'm thinking about picking up the tab at dinner and pre-buying the movie tickets. How am I doing so far? Now I'm starting to think about the dinner conversation... should I just talk about him? I'm afraid if I talk about myself too much he'll get turned off. Sorry if this sounds really pathetic, but I honestly have no experience.

 

[crowboy]

First off. I don't think you need to pick up the tab for everything. If you do it puts him in a position where he may feel obliged to "put out" for want of a better word. He may not like this at all. If you both have agreed to the restaurant and movie what is wrong with each paying your own way? But if you want to be generous, maybe just pay for the movie ticket and share dinner, or pay for dinner and let him get the drinks (if he wants to).

Secondly you must tell him stuff about yourself, but you must ask about him too. Talk about common interests and things in common. If you do not know any, ask questions to find some. Respond to what he tells you by asking more questions etc. Don't just sit and say one word responses. That reminds me. Don't ask closed questions. ie questions with one word answers. Ask open ended questions that require detailed answers to get the conversation flowing. For example if you ask "do you like to travel". Yes or no is what you will get. But if you ask "tell me about the last place you travelled to on vacation". You should get a nice convo out of that which can then segue into many others.

Doing that stuff served me well when I was out dating early in the year. Sometimes my dates went on for many hours longer than planned as we sat and talked for hours.

Good luck and let us know how you go.

 

[Echoes]

if there's something I've learnt from my dates mate is that no matter how I sorted things out in my mind, it never turned out the way I expected. I just ended up talking about random things, asking and answering things I thought would never be brought up in the date. Therefore, I just figured that I would play it by ear and it has worked out well to me.
Regarding the money you'll be spending I think it's fine if you want to pay for one of the things you guys will be doing, the restaurant for instance. For the movie I think it would be better if you ask him first. It all depends on age, personalities and so forth but some people, especially guys, feel bad if they don't get to pay anything, as it makes them feel like whores because you're paying for everything and they assume you're just doing it to see them in bed.

wish you luck.

 

[hylas]

its a cliche but its true: stop worrying, just be yourself.

unless you are some obnoxious asshole or pathetic snooze... in which case, try to be anyone but yourself.

just kidding. just be yourself, youll be fine.


ok, maybe some practical advise: ask him about stuff you want to know. tell him about stuff you care about. dont whine, by which i mean, dont talk about your problems and issues and 'heavy stuff' too much. pay for stuff if youre significantly better off, and if not it doesnt really matter that much, does it? hope that helps.

 

[iiiset]

unless you are some obnoxious asshole or pathetic snooze... in which case, try to be anyone but yourself.

Sadly, this is the real truth. Only awesome people should ever be themselves when trying to get sex.

 

[hylas]

Sadly, this is the real truth. Only awesome people should ever be themselves when trying to get sex.

wait, all this is just about getting laid? then what is this guy doing paying for movie tickets and going on second dates?

 

[iiiset]

wait, all this is just about getting laid? then what is this guy doing paying for movie tickets and going on second dates?

casual sex sucks for most people. dating is all about having nice, intimate sex. longer term relationships are defined as the point where sex stops mattering.

 

[altlover85]

iiiset, when did this turn into just wanting to get laid?

I think x-cess and crowboy gave some great advice.

I wouldn't pay for everything because it puts the other person in a weird position.

As far as what to talk about, just be a good listener and also talk about yourself and the things you like. The point of the date is to get to know each other better.

 

[KaraBulut]

Okay... so I'm going for dinner and a movie with a guy this Friday. We've only been out for coffee once and we seemed to click. I'm picking him up, which he seems pleased about (good manners, I figure). We both want to go to the same restaurant and movie, so no problems there. I'm thinking about picking up the tab at dinner and pre-buying the movie tickets. How am I doing so far? Now I'm starting to think about the dinner conversation... should I just talk about him? I'm afraid if I talk about myself too much he'll get turned off. Sorry if this sounds really pathetic, but I honestly have no experience.

It's not pathetic. You're just way over-thinking things.

Dating rules for same-sex couples aren't as clear as they are for straight couples where the guy usually does the asking out and usually picks up the meal.

Since you're already picking him up and you're pre-buying the tickets for convenience, that should be enough.

When the check arrives for dinner, give him the opportunity to pick it up. If he doesn't offer then expect to pick up 1/2 of the tab. If he does pick up the tab, say "Thank you." and say, "OK, but I'll pick up dinner the next time".

As for conversation, just continue having the same type of conversation you were having the last time that you had the last time that you talked. Don't overthink it. Just be yourself.

 

[hijodelaestrella]

Thanks for all the responses (and advice) guys I'm obviously over-thinking things.

This date, btw, isn't about sex. Not the goal. I'm actually interested in building a relationship.

I don't want to come off as controlling or pushy, so maybe I'll just pick-up the tab at dinner and let him offer to buy the tix?

 

[palemale]

Thanks for all the responses (and advice) guys I'm obviously over-thinking things.

This date, btw, isn't about sex. Not the goal. I'm actually interested in building a relationship.

I don't want to come off as controlling or pushy, so maybe I'll just pick-up the tab at dinner and let him offer to buy the tix?

You can pick up the tab and tell him, "don't worry, next dinner is on you." That way, you've signaled you want to go out with him again. Of course, if you don't want to go out again, split the bill.

 

[Echoes]

longer term relationships are defined as the point where sex stops mattering.

that's not correct.

 

[hijodelaestrella]

You can pick up the tab and tell him, "don't worry, next dinner is on you." That way, you've signaled you want to go out with him again.

I do like that idea.

 

[hijodelaestrella]

OKAY... so last night went really well. I'd give it an 8.5/10.

He flat out refused to let me pay for his dinner, movie ticket or coffee (which REALLY annoyed me). He kept telling me to stop being ridiculous I didn't push the issue. Maybe he didn't want it to feel like a date? I made a joke and said 'Wow, I'm so glad I didn't buy you flowers!' We both laughed.

Other than that, we seem to connect really well (lots in common). We're each only out to 1 person (he just came out to his sister this week; I came out to a close friend a few weeks ago). He said that he had a great time when I dropped him off and we end with a hand shake. Is that good or bad? It was only our 2nd time meeting. I think we're just gonna take things slow.

 

[crowboy]

Sounds good to me. I am glad it went well.

As for him wanting to pay, that is/was his way, but your joke was a witty response. Good work. Next time insist on paying for a coffee or something and tell him "the next one is on you". (as suggested by someone else here - good idea).

Handshake is OK. No need to rush. By the sound of it tho, it is still not clear if you guys are just friends or starting to "date". So tread carefully and not push or rush things.

So what's up for the third date/meet?

Suggestions: Ten Pin Bowling, Mini Golf, Ice Skating, A Hike, Bike Ride. Something adventurous.

Keep us updated hey.

 

[altlover85]

Handshake is OK. No need to rush. By the sound of it tho, it is still not clear if you guys are just friends or starting to "date". So tread carefully and not push or rush things.

A handshake sounds decidely unsexy. Other than that things sounded like they went well.

So what's up for the third date/meet?

I thought this was the first meeting. Therefore the next meeting would be the second one. Or am I wrong?

I hope you both come out to more people and continue to date one another so you can see where things go.

 

[elephunk]

Glad your date went well!

 

[KaraBulut]

I came out to a close friend a few weeks ago). He said that he had a great time when I dropped him off and we end with a hand shake. Is that good or bad? It was only our 2nd time meeting. I think we're just gonna take things slow.

If you want a hug or a kiss, you can ask for one.

Wait, so if a guy pays for my dinner and movie I'm supposed to put out? All these years I thought they were just being generous...

That's what JUB forums are for.

As god as your witness, you'll never be hungry again.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ixx66T-FPYM[/ame]

 

[crowboy]

A handshake sounds decidely unsexy. Other than that things sounded like they went well.

The terms of them meeting are not yet clear (from what I've read) so a handshake is OK. Unromantic and Unsexy yes, but acceptable if friendship is the first goal of the date...

I thought this was the first meeting. Therefore the next meeting would be the second one. Or am I wrong?

Wrong, yes. They met for coffee once before "the date" so now the OP is up to the third date if you include the coffee meet.

Wait, so if a guy pays for my dinner and movie I'm supposed to put out? All these years I thought they were just being generous...

No you are not supposed to put out. Some people may expect it however after paying (that is how some people operate - not the OP I think however), conversely those on the receiving end may feel more obliged to "put out" or feel in debt and some people do not like that.

 

[hijodelaestrella]

Sounds good to me. I am glad it went well.

As for him wanting to pay, that is/was his way, but your joke was a witty response. Good work. Next time insist on paying for a coffee or something and tell him "the next one is on you". (as suggested by someone else here - good idea).

Handshake is OK. No need to rush. By the sound of it tho, it is still not clear if you guys are just friends or starting to "date". So tread carefully and not push or rush things.

So what's up for the third date/meet?

Suggestions: Ten Pin Bowling, Mini Golf, Ice Skating, A Hike, Bike Ride. Something adventurous.

Keep us updated hey.

This is virgin territory for both of us. Neither of us has ever had a boyfriend or experience in dating, so there's that added awkwardness. Slow is exactly how I intend to play it. Right now, we're just friends.

The dinner conversation was particularly great. We literally talked the entire time and always made eye contact. I made him laugh a lot (I consider my sense of humour to be one of my greatest assets). About half-way through, I admitted to him that I was worried we would just be silent the entire time. He looked at me and said 'Why? I wasn't." I thought that was a promissing sign.

Third date? Hmmm... He said that he definitely wants to get together again, so it's got to be something different (just to keep things interesting). He asked me to drop him a line sometime this week and we'll both see where we're at. I thinking about waiting until Wednesday, just so I don't seem too eager. The last thing I want to do is freak him out.