First Relationship

[justanotherme]

Hello everyone,
knowing myself, this is going to be a long topic! So if you stick with it.... I dunno, ask me for coffee compensation!

So....
Not to start from the 'closet or not' case of Me....

I just plain and simply need some advise!

I like honesty, so here it goes...

Clearly, i know no one in here... so i can just simply lose the 'shoulda coulda woulda', talk honestly, and simply disregard whoever 'judges' me! (we all know its not that easy with people we know!)

Keeping that in mind, lets start:

I am not sure if i am Gay, Bi, Tri or whatever other label there may come in the near or distant future!

I tried at some point to label myself, but i find them useless... I am ME, and what i do in my bedroom... involves me and my Partner.... male/female/shemale/hefemale or JedI ! It Certainly does not dictate who I am and how I should live my life!


So, on the verge of that, i am in a very new relationship with this man... who i like a LOT! (there is not a good enough emoticon to show the grin on my face!)

He is about 15 years older than me, and he is exactly what i look for in a man! Aesthetically at least, we are still getting to know each other... so as for the personality part... we'll see!

We have been seeing each other for three weeks now, and have spent the last one almost non stop together! Which ... other than the fact that is leaving me with absolutely NO STRENGTH and very but i mean very sleep deprived.... is just f*ing amazing for me!

Now, here are my hung ups as a person!

I am not sure of a few things....
as this is the first actual kind of relationship i have with a man, and one of the very few i've had in my life, i feel very 'newbie' at the whole thing.... and though i try to just live it, and enjoy it.... (which i certainly do...) some things just keep coming to me!

First of all, the fact of my not very wide knowledge of 'sex'

Now... from here on, goes a part that could possibly be 'pornographic' So Admins might want to 'Censore' and i understand it (But please don't ban me as yet!)

I am the top in this 'duo'... but with some 'problems':

1. endurance.... I can some times go at it for up to 15-20(?!?) mins (exeptionally!) [i am not talking about four-play!] but the amount of self restrain to endure that much, makes me lose the ''great ending'' which gets to be just 'good'!

2. He has never finished before me, and actually waits for me to finish, before finishing... which puts a little too much stress on me! When should I? How much should i wait? Can I?

3. What Can i do to spice things up? I mean, i am a newbie (as stated) so i am just now learning, but i feel at times that he might loose interest in teaching me!

I would like to get an opinion on some of the 'scenes' .... what i did, what he did... what i could have done.... but maybe at a second time... this just became longer than i suspected it would!

Just to end the topic....
I am dying to talk to a very good gay friend of mine about the whole thing... I just know he would have A LOT of knowledge to throw at me... but he has this little problem of Blabbing a lot.... and i am not sure i want that just as yet....

A Big Thank You to Whoever got to read up to these last few words!

Take Care All!

 

[Eagle653]

Hi justanotherme and welcome to JUB and to this forum. And, please don't worry...your post was fine. After all, this IS a porn site, so graphic discussions of sex and relationships are always alright!

First, congratulations on your new relationship. Since it's your first one, that's especially exciting and I hope all good things for you and him.

As to your questions, I'm tempted to just say "do what comes natural" and "do what feels good" and all that, but I know that's not satisfying, so I can only say what *I* think, and others can give their perspectives.

As for sustaining power, you really have to play that by ear. Fucking someone nonstop for 20 minutes can be exhausting for both you as well as him. You should fuck only as long as it's fun and pleasurable for both of you, then you need to come. Fucking too long gets tedious under the best of circumstances. How long is too long? Who knows? That's very individual.

Second, I wouldn't worry about spicing things up just yet. You're still getting to know each other. Each romp in the sack should be its own adventure. After a period of time, the same routine can get tedious, but then there are things like toys, changes of venue, changes of position, porn, taking baths together, licking whipped cream off each other, tying each other up, etc. etc. etc. etc.

Third, he might be one who just likes to finish last. Usually, guys who like to finish last do so for one of two reasons. Either they 1) lose interest rapidly once they come, so they don't want to lose interest before you come, or 2) they want to make sure you get off at the right moment for maximum pleasure (although it seems you might be waiting too long for your own pleasure) and can delay gratification themselves.

In short, relax and live in the moment. Get to know each other and enjoy the getting-to-know-you phase. That's when people fall from lust to love and it's almost magical. Good luck and have fun. Congratulations, again, on your new boyfriend!

 

[Rand]

In short, relax and live in the moment. Get to know each other and enjoy the getting-to-know-you phase. That's when people fall from lust to love and it's almost magical. Good luck and have fun. Congratulations, again, on your new boyfriend!

I agree - don't label this relationship either - accept it in the now; talk with your man and see what will please him and let him know what will please you. You both should be out to please the other.

Celebrate your life

 

[operafan]

Questions:
1 - Are you fucking 15-20 minutes because it feels good or because you want to make it last or you just want to see how long you can go? That's a long time for someone to bang away on my hole.

2. I definitely am a person who loses interest the second he comes. I usually come first but try to get the BF off a soon as possible because I'm ready to shower and eat.

3. For me spicing it up is a mutual thing. Are you both wanting to spice things up? After only three weeks, I would assume things are still pretty spicy. Don't feel you have to spice it up just because you think you ought to. Spice it up because you both are ready to try other things.

Good luck on the relationship. I hope it flourishes.

 

[WYSIWYG]

All the above is true. Everyone has their own speed etc.

This is not exactly on topic, but when I met my BF over a year ago, the first thing he told he was that he takes a long time to cum. I did not realize how long until we did it a few times.....man I thought my jaw or arm was going to fall off! I even began thinking that I can not do this on a regular basis 2 or 3 times a day! As time passed we both learned ways to make this happen. We now position ourselves so that I can relax and not break my arm and I can wait the 20 minutes or more before he cums.

As mentioned, relax, tell him your feelings about not wanting to fail, or feeling of being too early or to late....communication is the thing here with the BOTH of
you! Three weeks is not a long time, and you have plenty of time to explore each other!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey justanotherme!!

Welcome to JUB...its great to have you here!!!

Average guy speaks a lot of wisdom mate... his advice is always spot on and hes done it again here!

Mate... we all have hang ups - every one of us. Thats what happens when you're human! And you shouldnt feel bad about being a newbie... thats where everyone starts and in a way the beginning of every relationship is a new start.

Dont look at this as being a negative, because its not. Learning about each other, what makes you tick, what you like, what he likes... those are the times where you can get closer than ever as you talk and learn... and practice and try new things.

Just remember... you bf cares about you, he loves you. Theres nothing to prove to him... you dont have to set records or try to impress him. Making love with someone is about being vulnerable and open and trusting. Its about letting the moment take you where it will. Dont try and plan too much or go into it thinking about what you have to do... spontaneity is the spice of lovemaking.

Most of all though justanother.... talk to him. Ask him what he likes, ask him how you can pleasure him, ask him what really turns him on. No one will ever get sick of being with some they care about... hes not going to tire of trying new things with you... or of you figuring out what you like.

Thats what being in a relationship is all about. He's lucky to have a guy who wants so badly to do the right thing... but just remember theres 2 of you here. And when you are happy and relaxed and comfortable he will be to.

Theres no need to feel any sort of pressure - being intimate is meant to be pleasurable. Its ok for you to be a little selfish...because when you are getting pleasure you can bet he is too!!!

 

[justanotherme]

Man!

I knew i would get some replies, but this is great!

First of all, let me Thank You All for your advice and understanding.

I know i get 'paranoid' at times.... and yes "--O2--", you are right, i am so excited, i am afraid of fucking it up!

My logic does tell me that i should just relax and enjoy it, but reading it from all of you.... just gives me that extra 'push' i needed!

Averageguy Third, he might be one who just likes to finish last. Usually, guys who like to finish last do so for one of two reasons. Either they 1) lose interest rapidly once they come, so they don't want to lose interest before you come, or 2) they want to make sure you get off at the right moment for maximum pleasure (although it seems you might be waiting too long for your own pleasure) and can delay gratification themselves.

I had not thought or known about this.... and maybe you are right.... I am though amazed at how he can come like Seconds after i do! no matter how long or short the session was!

I need to go, but wanted to post a quick reply....

I will post back with progress and certainly more questions .... Soon!

Thank you all again sooo much!




P.S.
I love the fact that e can be as open as we want (with respectable limits) in here (i mean with sexual stuff etc) .... I wouldn't be able to talk about some of this stuff with some of my best friends !!!

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Your good pragmatic instinct has been leading you well through this little adventure, hasn't it?

Just like you decline to be label yourself and strictly limit your your scope of action and choice, many human relationships tend to do precisely the same. Each and everyone is a world for itself and needs its own attention and care.

IMHE, bottom dudes are just like everyone else: they are individual and different. To some, everything above 10-15 minutes of serious backdoor action would be too painful and undesirable. Too much of a good thing is turning bad for them.

I have met a number of insatiable dudes, too. I was able to give it a go for well over an hour and they were only warming up for some action???

Some agreed to bottom for you only, if you could overpower them and make them beg you to stop.

And there was a guy, who was virtually re-arranging the furniture in my bedroom while I was pounding him on the floor. He would not have it any other way. In his world, a good top was there to make sure, he was not going to walk straight for a week after he was being topped... Actually, quite a few bttm dudes have to some extent, expressed their strong desire to be 'power-topped'.

Guys before me gave you amazing pointers. My advice to you would be to ask your new friend, in your and his time, if there is anything that you can do for him, to make him even happier?

Most experienced men would not hesitate to share some of their secret dreams, if they see you as a partner in turning them into reality.

Nope, never share any sensitive info with a dude, who does not know, how to control his mouth. Never.



SC

 

[rareboy]

Stop overanalyzing everything.

Your sex life is probably similar to your posts.

You're probably always thinking ahead and thinking sideways.

Stop it.

Just be in the moment.

 

[justanotherme]

I just came back from what i could say one of the most amazing nights with as yet!

We both have a cold at the moment.... which I am responsible for.... and would usually be... well... 'awful' just to think about having sex while coughing and sniffling! LOL

But on the very plus side of it.... i just let myself go.... or i tried it.... and we came together, in a 'very' amazing way! Which just was.... ohhh myyyy God.... amazing!

Stop overanalyzing everything.

Your sex life is probably similar to your posts.

You're probably always thinking ahead and thinking sideways.

Stop it.

Just be in the moment.

I just loved this response! You get me man! Thank you!

And SilverRRCloud on the matter of:

Nope, never share any sensitive info with a dude, who does not know, how to control his mouth. Never

That is Exactly why i am worried to talk to my friend!

Again.... Thank you all guys! You have been a Tremendous help!