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First time and couldnt stay hard...wtf

N

ncboy85

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I had my first time with a guy last night and we mainly did oral, he tried topping me for a little bit, anyway everything started fine but after a while I started going soft and I never could get hard enough to cum, even when he tried sucking me some more. I just wonder what I can do about this because its obviously embarrassing...he was ok and understanding about it and all.

I actually enjoyed everything, it felt good and he made me really comfortable but I don't know if it's nerves or I am just not that attracted to him or what. I'm not as attracted to him as a lot of guys but I was enough to have sex with him. I am a little shy and nervous around people at first so if this has anything to do with it I don't know what else to do, he took things slow and made me feel very comfortable.

I've never had a problem getting off before while masturbating and I just dont want to keep having sex and not be satisfied...I dont know if its all psychological or if theres something I can take for it or if I'm just not attracted enough to this guy.
 
It's a pretty common complaint.

It seems to come from two issues - nerves and habits.

It's normal to be nervous and preoccupied on your first time. Sometimes the internal conversation in your head distracts you from being "in the moment".

And if you're in the habit of masturbating and being by yourself, it can be awkward the first few times that you have someone else there.

Both of these thigs will get better with time. And this is one case where practicing is the fun part, so get back out there and try, try, try again.
 
It took until my fourth time before I could finish. Even still, I can never get off with a guy the first time I'm with him. I just a shy person like that.
 
This has happened to everyone AT LEAST once. Especially when you first start having sex! Don't feel bad about it, or about yourself. It's definitely just nerves. It's normal. It takes some time to get comfortable being naked in front of someone, being able to say what you want, know what turns you on, feel comfortable.

It could also be that you aren't all that attracted to the guy, and I think everyone has been in those situations too. I was with a guy once, had a little bit of wine, and he tried sucking me off and I couldn't stay hard. I took it out on myself after, but later realized it was his attitude and some of the things he said about sex beforehand that really turned me off to him.

Also, if you went soft while bottoming, some guys don't stay hard during that the whole time either.
 
This happened to me too - except I was topping! !oops!

But again, it was a trust issue in that I wasn't 100% comfortable with the guy or his behaviour (especially in the bedroom dept!).

So yeah, in short, it happens to everyone - and in my opinion it's usually a signal that it's not the right guy to be doing it with. That's not to say that it's not still fun trying :twisted:
 
As has been mentioned, that happens a lot. In the health forum, there have been several threads about it. Not to worry; just relax and go with the flow and don't put pressure on yourself by worrying whether or not it'll happen.
 
Performance anxiety.

Take up yoga.
 
Same thing happened to me but I was topping.. I was rock hard rite before I put on a rubber and down he went LOL
 
Please don't consider this as rude, but my question would be: what do you expect from casual sex, even a first time?

Sex in its fullest sense requires two persons who are bonded emotionally.

You might try developing a friendship without a sexual goal. When friends be come "more than just friends" sex can and does come about naturally and seems so right.

I"d say: be patient and go for the gold of friendship, love, and sex.
 
Thanks for all the advice and encouragement everyone...and yeah I'm really glad I wasn't topping when it happened lol. To the last poster, I really kinda agree with what you're saying, I feel comfortable with this guy but we haven't been together long enough to have a true friendship. I'm really doing it (having sex) to get experience if nothing else, I know that might not be the best way of going about it but I want to know what I'm doing when I find the guy I truly love.
 
Some of it could have been his performance too. That happened to me once. I was hard as a rock when we started. And he started performing oral on me. And the more he sucked, the softer I got. He just wasn't good at it.
 
Wow, I feel like there is an echo almost from a post I made on here about a month ago...

I think it was nerves, because I can 100% relate to you.
 
Nobody bats a thousand. Don't give it a second thought. Just keep swinging.
 
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