first time hookup problem

[getgoing2]

So i've started becoming ok with my being gay and came out to some friends. My coming out has lead to some random hookups which, don't get me wrong is awesome but im still fairly nervous about the whole situation of being with a guy.
2 out of the 3 times ive been with a guy i haven't been able to get it up, i think its because im more nervous than i am turned on but i don't know if that makes sense. I was also pretty drunk all 3 times which was probably a factor but i mean tons of people drink and have no problems.
Has this happened to anyone else or is this normal at all?

 

[altlover85]

I think the booze had a big part in it. I know if I drink too much I can't get hard either.

I drink as much (if not more) than the next guy, but I'm wondering why you were so drunk during these hookups. Generally booze and hookups don't mix.

My rule as far as a hookup goes is one drink max, but I'm a pretty small guy.

 

[yabiko]

Hey, I rarely post but I wanted to say that I had VERY similar experience with the first few guys I fooled around with as well, so you're not alone. I think it could probably be a combination of things... 1) nerves, 2) getting used to actually doing something with a guy rather than just fantasizing about it, 3) thinking about performing properly instead of just enjoying the moment, and 4) (in my case) not feeling comfortable with completely random or meaningless hookups. The problem has improved some for me after being with a guy that made me feel comfortable and was more intimate than just sexual. So maybe you're similar in that regard, or maybe just need more experience with the right kind of guy. Hope that helps some!

 

[KaraBulut]

You may want to slow down on the random hookups and try dating. These wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am encounters put a lot of pressure on you to perform. In a dating situation, you have more control over the where/when/what of sex.

There will always be a certain amount of nerves when you're with someone for the first time, however a more natural progression of getting to know someone, feeling comfortable with them and making out a bit before you take your clothes off might make you less nervous.

 

[mbamike]

You just need to learn to relax. The more you hook up with guys the more you will become comfortable with being naked with a guy.

Don't concentrate so much on getting hard and fucking. Enjoy one another's naked body. Kiss and caress each other. Make love, don't just fuck. The erection will come naturally when you make love rather than just fuck.

Cut back on the alcohol too. You want to feel and enjoy the moment.

 

[Echoes]

Experience makes it a lot easier with time, at some point you'll find yourself really comfortable and ready for sex. Although, you may try finding a partner, someone to spend time with and not only sex, when you feel comfortable with someone at all times sex is just a great complement and there's nothing to feel nervous about. Mate, find a partner, it brings it all together.

best of luck.

 

[saymyname]

hey man, i remember making threads like this when i first started getting laid about 3 years ago. it is totally just NERVES! nerves all around! you're fucking nervous and it's normal.

there's a couple things you can do:

- don't get SO drunk when you hook up (this is fine later on in terms of being able to perform, but when you're just starting out it'll give you liquor dick when combined with nerves)
- don't drink wine ... wine makes it hard to get it up (at least i think so)
- relax
- try and do more foreplay. give yourself more time with the guy to make out with your clothes on, slowly taking them off, kissing, humping, touching, grabbing, thrusting... doing all of this WHILE you gradually get naked... this will get you excited and worked up, then by the time you're naked move into foreplay for a while. the point is to sustain your arousal. if you're nervous, you can't really be expected to go from 0 to 10 with the guy... you've gotta work yourself up.
- depending on if you're a top or a bottom, if you lean more towards the passive side, you could always just tell him you're a bit nervous and let him try to work you up. lay there and let him suck you till you get hard, or get on your stomach and let him rim you until you're hard... personally, i'm more of a top/giver, and if a cute little virgin-ish kind of guy told me he was nervous and wanted me to just work him up to turn him on and give him pleasure, that would turn me on so much that i'd tongue fuck him till he squirms. trust me, you'll get hard.

kara's comment about dating is good too, but i think hook ups have a value all their own, and this kind of advice can be translated into a hook up situation. how fast are you moving with these guys when you're hooking up? most people think of hooking up as, come over, get naked, fuck. it doesn't have to be like that. whenever i hook up, the dude comes over, or vice versa. we chat for a bit, watch some videos on youtube, talk about music we like. have a beer, 3 tops. maybe smoke a cigarette... this is the chance for you to relax, calm down, get to know this guy a bit, maybe talk about sex and talk about what turns the both of you on. then you have the option of either making your move and just touching his leg or something, or if he likes to cuddle, ask to cuddle, or ask him if he wants to make out, you know. the point is, you're allowed to get to know your partner a bit first, even if it's just a half hour, and even if they're just a sexual partner.

so yeah, just some ideas to calm the nerves a bit, because i know a lot of guys have that problem at first... so have fun!