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First time...not feeling great afterwards

C

CaminaNoKamina

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So I finally did "it" today and it wasn't exactly how I'd imagine it. I rushed into the situation head first and it has left me with a gnawing feeling of regret. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin right now--can't even pet my dog without feeling wrong about it.

Moreover, I'm worrying about getting tested (we had unprotected oral sex; I should get tested in about 2 weeks, right?)

I've heard many bad first times, but I never imagined that it would feel this bad. Help.
 
CaminaNoKamina said:
Moreover, I'm worrying about getting tested (we had unprotected oral sex; I should get tested in about 2 weeks, right?)
.
Click to expand...

what are you worried about getting tested for? HIV?

HIV is transmitted through blond to blood contact. the risk with oral sex is extremely low. if you have no cuts, open sores, bleeding gums. then you do not need to test for HIV.

but if youre worried about other STD's, then go get tested, to put your mind at ease.
 
mascbiguy said:
HIV is transmitted through blond to blood contact. the risk with oral sex is extremely low. if you have no cuts, open sores, bleeding gums. then you do not need to test for HIV.
Click to expand...

misinformation like this kills people. sperm is very well able to transmit the HI Virus.
 
Right, HIV contraction is low in oral sex, though still possible and a test is probably good just for some peace of mind, if it concerns you. Likewise, if it concerns you so, then make it a point when you hook up again in the future to always use a condom and demand it as a term of the activity, if for no other reason than to give yourself peace of mind.

And you should get tested about every 3 months, not every 2 weeks. For most tests, 3 months is the amount it takes to detect HIV because those tests react to HIV antibodies, not the virus itself.

And note that HIV is only transmitted by the following four fluids (in order of highest to lowest concentration): Blood, semen, vaginal secretions, and breast milk. It is not only "blood to blood" nor is it feasibly possible to contract it from saliva, sweat, urine, or feces those these fluids may contain HIV when in ridiculous volumes (like HIV only being detectable in a gallon of saliva).

Some tests can now detect evidence of HIV at sooner time periods, but as a general rule for now--3 months.

As for your feelings about the hook-up, it's understandable. You may have had ideas of how you wanted your first sexual experience to be, and when it falls short, it can be terribly disillusioning. But most people experience this, and if you take something away from it, you may just decide to be more selective with your hook ups and the circumstances of those acts. On the other side, you can also look at it from the perspective that sexual activity only means as much as you want it to mean. In that way, a bad hook up is just a bad hook up and having sex with someone you care about is making love because of what it means to both of you.

Either way, this is only your first hook up and you'll have plenty more in your future, that vary in emotional impact. It doesn't mean anything about you or who you are that the first one was a bust.
 
Well, get over it.

So what if it wasn't great?

When I first started playing piano, it wasn't that great either.

Too much emphasis is being placed on the first time having to be so 'special'. It is just sex. It takes practise.

Until recently, I didn't even know that oral was now something else that everyone thinks they need protection for and are now afraid of. You have about as much chance of dying from a blowjob as being hit by an airplane after the guy zips up his pants .

So relax a little. Your dog, by the way, can lick his own balls, so I don't know why you think he'd care.

Remember, the blowjob is the national sport of most countries now, so it isn't as though you've done something that unusual.
 
CaminaNoKamina said:
I've heard many bad first times, but I never imagined that it would feel this bad. Help.
Click to expand...

There's a separate post in H&W that addresses your questions about post-exposure testing.

But to the psychological side of this... rareboy is correct. Get over it. You slipped up, made a mistake and there's not much that you can do about it. It is in the past now.

Just learn from it. Next time, meet someone, get to know them, date them and then play with them. There's a reason that your straight peers do it this way.
 
Congratulations - you got the first one out of the way. Now go find someone who's good at it.

Lex
 
rareboy said:
Until recently, I didn't even know that oral was now something else that everyone thinks they need protection for and are now afraid of. You have about as much chance of dying from a blowjob as being hit by an airplane after the guy zips up his pants.
Click to expand...
Well, it does seem to correspond to the increased rates of herpes simplex A. :) No death, but herpes is always a possibility.
 
don't feel bad or guilty. this is the start of a fine adventure.
 
CaminaNoKamina said:
So I finally did "it" today and it wasn't exactly how I'd imagine it. I rushed into the situation head first and it has left me with a gnawing feeling of regret. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin right now--can't even pet my dog without feeling wrong about it.

Moreover, I'm worrying about getting tested (we had unprotected oral sex; I should get tested in about 2 weeks, right?)

I've heard many bad first times, but I never imagined that it would feel this bad. Help.
Click to expand...

The rule of thumb is around 6 - 12 weeks (at least that is what i was told) to get tested.

As far as feeling regret, sometimes we make rash decisions and all we can do is learn from them. I am not sure whether you are feeling regret because it didn't meet your expectations or whether it is do to the fact that this was some random affair.

People have different attitudes towards sex and I would suggest follow your conscience and your comfort level. I myself have made these mistakes and I have just come to the realization that im a relationship, monogamous type of person. It is just what I am comfortable with.

NOw if it is an issue of not meeting your expectations, dont fret, the first time is almost always never what one has imagined.
 
CaminaNoKamina said:
So I finally did "it" today and it wasn't exactly how I'd imagine it. I rushed into the situation head first and it has left me with a gnawing feeling of regret. I don't even feel comfortable in my own skin right now--can't even pet my dog without feeling wrong about it.

Moreover, I'm worrying about getting tested (we had unprotected oral sex; I should get tested in about 2 weeks, right?)

I've heard many bad first times, but I never imagined that it would feel this bad. Help.
Click to expand...
Let me guess....it was an internet hookup. Completely random. I'm willing to bet it was, and thus I give my following analysis based on that.
Those hookups are completely akward and almost never give you what you want in a "first time." Either you werent completely attracted to the guy, he was a lil weird, or the situation was very akward. Because of this you felt shameful throughout, extremely nervous, and/or scared.

Happened to me like that. Wasn't an internet hookup but it was completely random. Afterwards I was ashamed and disguisted with myself for a few days. I swore I would never do it again. Afterwards though I kinda just got over it.

It'll get better. You're going to have to meet a few gay/bi people. Find someone you're attracted to. And go from there. Use protection next time.
Thats how it happened for me. Met an extremely attractive guy and started to hang out. The sex was the greatest. We were hooking up once in the morning, and once in the afternoon on a daily basis. I couldnt get enough of it.
 
Everyone,

I sincerely thank you guys for imparting some kind, true words. I couldn't have asked for more. Growing up, I never had anyone to speak to about my feelings so it's nice to finally have people listening. Thanks again.
 
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