First time

[tx2333]

So ive been talking with this guy more than a month, we met through dlist.com. We finally got out to a movie and it went fine. a week later we have another date at my apt and then I finally took another step out of the closet and slept with him. Actually did a little bit of everything, except anal, since i didnt have any condoms.

HE said i was amazing, but he couldnt get me off - i stayed hard but...- it took me longer than usualy to get myself off.

That bother me, and the fact that i dont feel happier about the situation of finally losing my virginity. WHY?

 

[screwnutty]

Hmmm that's a good question tx2333 so let me throw out some of the usual suspects....

1. You were nervous about being with the guy and that lead to you not getting off? maybe?

2. Do you have feelings for his guy? Do you love him? Maybe your feeling unhappy or mildly content with losing your virginity to him because he wasn't the right guy? Maybe you just never connected to him on that level yet? Or maybe it felt more like you were just hooking up for a one night stand? Only you know the answer and it will come to you in time.

3. Maybe you rushed things too fast? You talk about coming out of the closet and slept with him....maybe you bit of more then you could shallow. Don't know.

There could be alot of factors to consider but we may need some more info. How are you two getting along?

That being said...I sure by tommorrow there be some other posters that can go into greater detail then I can. Until then, try not to dwell on it so much. You feel much more secure with yourself the second time around and I won't worry about it.

Hope this kind of helps!

 

[Aaron]

I had a similar situation before. It wasn't my first time, but it was early. He thought I was amazing, he got off, he said they were some of the most intense orgasms he had ever had. But, it took me longer than normal to get off when I was with him. It might just be that you are still learning what you like and what you don't, and that you don't know how to articulate those things to you partner yet.

Give it time. Try some new things. And don't be discouraged because your first time was less than extraordinary. Mine wasn't the best I've had, but practice makes perfect.

Oh, and well done for not doing anal due to lack of condoms.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

First off, you are talking male2male sex here. HE could not get you off??? Why would it be his exclusive duty to get you off? Look, this is not a m2f sex, where some sort of an old 19 century 'gentlemanly code of conduct' requires that a male does everything to make sure his female partner reaches her sexual bliss. You are having sex with another dude. Sure, he should try to give you as much pleasure as he can, and you owe him the same. But neither he nor you are under any obligation whatsoever, to make sure that the other dude busts his nut. Do not buy into the hetero-logic and their mores. This is an altogether different ballgame. Do your best and leave it at that. You are obliged to be reasonably fair and honest. Other people's orgasms are your joy and intention, but by no means, your or his obligation.

Second, sex is only sex. Great as it mostly is, it still is only sex. It does not give you a college degree. It does not get you promoted (not in this case, I recon). It does not add a sixpack to your abs and inches on your biceps or chest. And it usually does not balance your checkbook either. It keeps you mentally and physically healthy & balanced & fulfilled. But, no, no matter what they say, it really does not move mountains.

Third, if you go through these boards, you will soon come to the conclusion that a very significant number of posters here completely dismiss the idea of ONS, casual sex, anonymous sex and sex for the sex's sake, if you will. Sex only makes sense according to them, in a committed and blissful LTR with the man of your dreams, usually referred to as Mr. RIGHT (as opposed to a far more popular and rather useful: Mr. RIGHT NOW).

You want to think long and think hard before you buy into an essentially heterosexual and very conservative theory. Sure, a LTR with a cool dude and loads of meaningful sex with him are a both very swell and appealing ideas. Nothing can possibly be wrong with that.

However, the fact of the matter is that unlike females, very many males do not need to create any significant emotional bonding in order to get sexual with each other and even genuinely enjoy every bit of it. You want to have some company, some fun, bust your nut and move on. You do not want to marry the the dude right away. If you stay friends and possibly buddies or even more, that's just great. If you don't... that really doesn't matter so much.

There is a substantial evidence out there that men have been hard-wired to try and spread their seed as far & wide & as often as possible. Sure, you can consciously choose to 'evolve' and espouse a heterosexual 'happy family model', if this is how you feel. After all, this is your sex, we are talking about here, rite?

Or you can look deep into your heart and possibly come up with an altogether very different truth.

Your call.

SC

 

[tx2333]

(sorry this is long)

So since my last (first) experience with the first guy, i had really begun to accept that I am in fact gay - to myself, which had always been an inner struggle. I have been using that experience to fuel many a n/o session, and could not wait for another. However, sadly the guy and I grew apart after both going on winter vacations.

oh well


Anyway, I recently - this past week- began chatting with another guy from D-list (where I met the first one) but this time it went much faster and i invited him over to watch a basketball game with me only a week and a half after we be game conversations. ( The night prior to the game we were exchanging some pretty dirty text messages - alcohol was involved - LoL. ) He comes over and we watch some movie before the game starts and then start to watch the game, but only 3 min in we just start making out. Things escalated quickly and the game was the last ting on my mind. (now i have a herniated disc which causes pain in certain positions, and he was so concerned with my comfort it was swee

Now I will admit when we finally were sans clothing he wasn't exactly my ideal body type, (damn i sound superficial) but I kept going b/c that shouldn't matter. I became obvious after the first hour that just getting off wasn't the point, just being with each other seemed to be the only thing that mattered. For someone that has been alone so long i like just being that close with someone else for once. However, after trying several things (excluding anal) we went to the shower - always wanted to take a shower with someone else - in there he was willing to let me inside him for my first time, but it was kinda cramped in there and we weren't successful. It was ok I could wait. We go back to the bedroom and now we were both ready to get off. We try and try but just like last time I just cant get off. I turn on some porn i hopes it would help.

Well at this point I'm starting to feel like bad knowing that he is feeling bad for not being able to get me off. After taking care of myself for a while and he him self we both finally came and fell asleep cuddling for about 30 min. Well he had to go to work but was going to come back afterwards and stay the night and bring some lube to try anal again.

While he was at work I start replaying the afternoon in my head and start feeling, I dont know, just not right for some reason. I text him and say I need some time to soak in what had happened - and he was cool with that, admitting he went really fat with me.

This brings me to my current state of confusion and deliberation, again. Im questioning myself again. Am I really gay, I mean I get off to gay porn and fantasy's all the time with no problems, but the last 2 times with another guy I have difficulty, (i never lose arousal when with the guy, btw). Can anyone relate or help? Id like to have something to tell this guy, cuz at very least Id like to keep him as a (gay) friend.

thanks guys.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you watch porn, you'll start getting the idea that all gay sex involves A going down on B for a long time without climax, B going down on A in a brief and perfunctory manner, A topping B for several minutes, A pulling out and climaxing, and then B stroking himself to climax.

There's nothing wrong with that system, but it's one of about a trillion ways to have sex with a guy.

Simple rule to remember always and always - if you're having sex with a guy, and it ain't doing it for you, try something else. Put some lube on your cocks and rub them together while you make out. Have him lick your balls while you stroke yourself. Put some vanilla pudding on his butt cheeks and rub your dick through that. Anything you feel like - if he's up for it, it's fair game, so go for it.

Next time you're with a guy, and you find yourself "stuck", stop. Think about what you'd really like most to do. Then see if he's cool with it. Most guys wouldn't mind holding you while you bring yourself off. That doesn't make you "not gay". It just means, right at that moment, that's what you wanted to do with that guy.

Lex

 

[tallguy297]

Hey TX,

You just need some time to adjust to the steps that you are taking... you've made some some big moves in the last month or so, you should feel proud that you are on the way to understanding who you are.

You are taking the first steps on a long journey and there will always be a few bumps in the road. What you are going through and experincing here is normal and typical of a guy who has spent a lifetime hiding and protecting himself.

Some small part of you is still hanging on to the old way of thinking and sometimes the upshot of that is fear and guilt... things that just hold you back and take the edge off the enjoyment of the moment. The fact that these feelings escalate after a little while to think too is very normal.

TX... with every experience you'll begin to understand and relax more. You'll realize there is nothing to feel guilty about and that you deserve to feel happiness and pleasure as much as anyone else. Being gay wasn't your choice and it sure isn't a life sentence of misery.

Give yourself a little time. If you can try and be with one partner more than once... that way you feel you dont have to reinvent the wheel every time... you dont have to start again. Let your experiences build and your confidence with it. Quickly enough you'll understand fully that experience you talk about when you are just close to someone. That feeling, trusting it, understanding it and allowing yourself to enjoy it without guilt is the key to feeling happy in your self life.

TX, you are doing nothing wrong. You are not a bad guy. You have nothing to feel bad about. You are a guy adjusting to a life that includes happiness after a lifetime thinking it would never come. Theres no need to feel selfish or wrong... because those feelings hold you back and prevent you from being all you can be... and thats no good for either you or your partner.

Good luck mate... it wont take long and you'll understand how good these little experiences in life can feel!

 

[KaraBulut]

This brings me to my current state of confusion and deliberation, again. Im questioning myself again. Am I really gay, I mean I get off to gay porn and fantasy's all the time with no problems, but the last 2 times with another guy I have difficulty, (i never lose arousal when with the guy, btw). Can anyone relate or help? Id like to have something to tell this guy, cuz at very least Id like to keep him as a (gay) friend.

Let's go on the assumption that you're gay.

The problem is very likely that you've got from "curious" to getting naked with another guy pretty fast.

Maybe you need to slow down and actually date without having sex so quickly?

 

[orton86]

Wow TX2333, you sound like you are typing my story. I met a couple of guys on DList in the Austin area....anyways I, too, could not get "off" for the first couple of times. I also questioned if I was really gay. I could cum while watching gay porn, but I could not cum while I was with a guy. After a while, you will get more comfortable being with the same sex and you will indeed cum....If it happened to me, it will happen to you, eventually! Good luck!