Floppy Dick Syndrome

[ivor-longhorn]

Hey fellas, I'm hoping for some wise advice on a problem that's been creeping up on me recently. I'm a bi guy happily married for many years to a beautiful sexy woman and it's all fab apart from the sex... Frequently now I am finding it hard to get an erection, or when I do, it folds in half halfway through. I know we're both finding it increasingly frustrating even though she tells me not to worry, and it has meant that I'm getting pretty good with my tongue

Before you say anything I'm very happy with the life choices I made and that I have a monogamous relationship with a lass not a lad. She turns me on something rotten even after all these years: I just can't show her that with a raging hardon.

I've been honest from the start and told my wife that I've had relationships with guys in the past, and that guys -and fantasising about what I might do with that waiter for instance - still turns me on, although she's not all that keen to talk about it. But I guess she'd be equally unimpressed if I admitted I fancied the waitress.

I don't talk about the fact I check out sites like this, I think it has helped me stay faithful in real life. I heard that porn and jacking off to porn might be the problem so I did at least 6 months cold turkey but that didn't help at all.

Physically I'm pretty fit for 46, haven't been to the doctor recently but last time I checked out OK. And I often have a raging fat boner in the morning which suggests to me that it's probably not a hardware problem. Am I right?

Which leaves me thinking that I've got something to work out in my head.
Sure there's an element of performance anxiety now but I don't think It started with that.
Sure I'm tired and stressed and fed up with work but no more than I was when the kids were small and the business was a startup
Sure I sometimes really want a horny hard romp with a guy again but I'm going to stick to my promise to stay faithful.
And I get the irony that I'm up late typing this instead of being in bed with my lovely wife trying to work it out with her.

I'm just wondering if any of you guys have an idea where to go with this, or if you've had experience working through something like it... I really appreciate you taking the trouble to read my rambling post and for any advice you might offer.

 

[peeonme]

Do you have erection trouble when you masturbate? Have you talked to your doctor about this? Sometimes we just get bored, can you spice it up a little in the bedroom? I would start with your doctor, maybe a physical exam.

 

[KaraBulut]

Physically I'm pretty fit for 46, haven't been to the doctor recently but last time I checked out OK. And I often have a raging fat boner in the morning which suggests to me that it's probably not a hardware problem. Am I right?

It's not a question of right or wrong but it is a big assumption if you haven't "been to the doctor recently".

Before you start looking for psychological reasons, you need to make an appointment for a physical. Tell your doctor about your problems maintaining an erection. There's some very basic tests that he can run to help eliminate some very common problems like hypertension, thyroid problems, diabetes, low testosterone and other conditions that can cause problems with maintaining an erection.

Once these possible physical causes are eliminated, you can discuss whether ED drugs like sildenafil or tadalafil might help. ED drugs work well for guys who can get hard but have trouble staying hard.

 

[ivor-longhorn]

Thanks both. I know you're right. I just need to overcome that small town fear of talking to the doc about it when I see them at the school gate. On the (literal) upside: posting my experience here has somehow helped with the problem...

 

[Thomas80]

If it's a good doc (s)he won't talk about it at the school gate or anywhere else outside her/his office.

 

[BBCMike]

Hello Ivor-longhorn,

I read your post and a couple of others. I wouldn't talk too much about myself in public but I have long experience with couples. A guy with a "...raging fat boner in the morning..." doesn't have any physical problem. I read that you do masturbate to porn, and frequent erotic massage and in all occasions you didn't experience any difficulty to get a hard on.

In my opinion your problem is a psychological one, and it's source can be that big absence that you miss so much, playing with a guy. It's that that took your focus from your beautiful wife. I'm not a professional but I've witness few years ago a very similar situation.

If interested write me a PM.

 

[Markh]

Too much masterbation doesn’t help

 

[Peloso]

OP: Do you smoke? Smoking can cause ED.

 

[azanallover]

Too much masterbation doesn’t help

I found that with women I have to stop masturbating at all for a few months into a relationship otherwise it takes me a hour to get off the every time with a woman. Stop masturbating I get down to a 15-30 minute time women can handle. Same with a guy I can go a hour as masturbation is much more friction than a vagina or anus. Then once I am in the relationship I can add it back and it helps with sensitivity in my penis so I can take longer but not have them begging me to stop. During oral there are few that can keep me hard unless they use their hand too or bite it hard as I feel little from over whacking it. There were days growing up that I would do it 10 or more times a day and even as adult I can still go 4-6 times a day.