Food for thought

[RyeGuy]

First off, to the moderators, i'm not sure where this is supposed to go, but seeing as how it touches on relationships and is happening in the coming out process, i thought i'd put it here. move it if you need to...

So, Pride is this weekend, and it really grates on my nerves. Before you start stoning me, let me explain. I feel like people go to Pride to have sex and party, do recreational drugs, and drink. They dont think about the scary reality of AIDS and HIV. And I also feel like it's a reminder that so many gay relationships don't last. Granted, i'm only 19, so i dont really have a basis for that. But the fact that such an overwhelming majority of guys plus or minus 5 years of my age just want a one night stand and then move on to the next fuck doesnt exactly dissuade me from my point of view.

I guess, I'm asking the older men, Are gay relationships real? That sounds naive, but can you be healthy, fit, real men who stay in a relationship? Or is that only reserved for straight guys? And why is it so much harder for guys my age to experience that?

Any answers would be greatly appreciated.

 

[sixthson]

I have never been to any Pride Day events of any kind and don't see myself going anytime soon, but I guess I can answer some of your questions.
My man and I met at 18 and started living together at 19. That's more than two decades ago now. We are physically, emotionally and psychologically healthy men who have never cheated or been promiscuous.
Not only is it possible to find someone to love, it is possible to make it work. We also have three children. We have a great life and tremendous passion for each other in every way.
From what I hear, many gay men are more interested in hook ups than relationships, but that doesn't mean you have to give up hope. You are young, so don't despair. Be friendly and open to getting to know all kinds of new people. Love may find you when you least expect it.

 

[Homoerectus]

I agree, somewhat. I think too many men go to Pride celebrations to have an excuse to party in public. I believe many go to Pride celebrations as an "in-your-face" demonstration. The guys in jock-straps, Speedos and those dressed in drag marching down Main Street give many heteros the only contact they have with gays. This activity only reinforces the attitude of straights that gays are some sort of perverts. If you want to be treated with dignity you need to show personal dignity.

As you get older and as you meet men who are older and near your age, you will begin to meet men who have grown more interested in long term relationships. Don't give up. You will find someone. Just have fun while you are young. You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find Prince Charming. Enjoy the toads.

 

[RyeGuy]

lol homoerectus, it sounds like you're endorsing me going out every night to a different guy.

I guess I'm despairing at what seems to be a lack of quality men in a younger age group. Is it because its a "young, hung, and stupid" phase, or is this really the future generation of men? And if it is, does anyone know if they're better in europe?

sixthson- thanks for sharing your story...definitely gives me some faith that there's some real relationships somewhere out there.

 

[RMphan]

sex is easy to find, love is hard. just keep meeting new people, you'll get lucky at some point.

 

[Philia]

Well I'm on the same boat as you. The sexual promiscuity aspect of the whole scene really turns me off. Just take a look at craigslist. Thing is, I'm not looking to fuck around. I want to be able to [exclusively] shower someone with affection and have it be reciprocated and hopefully have it last for a long time. You know, quality over quantity. The only problem is that I'm not really out so I pretty much have to do all the leg work if I want to find someone. Which is unfortunate but like RMphan said, sex is easy, love is hard. After all, a good thing is worth fighting for.

It's really comes down to the company you keep.

 

[Aflute04]

I agree with you all as well, but it seems as if people are missing a crucial step in a relationship... Being friends first. I think that is what a lot of people our age seems to forget. Most people are age think they have all the friends they need, so they look instantly for a relationship (sexual). Thats not how it should work. You have to build the relationship if you want it to be more thank just casual sex... But then again, a lot of people are age are looking just for casual sex...

Okay, now this post seems kind of pointless...

But for real... Don't go out looking for a relationship, it makes you look despearate. Get to know people and if a relationship evolves, then great, if not then you have another great friend to add to your circle

 

[G-Lexington]

I attended PrideFest this weekend with my boyfriend of ten years. Neither of us drank anything stronger than Diet Pepsi, and although we both enjoyed some eye candy, neither of us were looking for anything outside the confines. But we got several free condoms. Not that we'll use them - freebie condoms didn't do so hot in Consumer Reports tests.

>>>Are gay relationships real? That sounds naive, but can you be healthy, fit, real men who stay in a relationship? Or is that only reserved for straight guys? And why is it so much harder for guys my age to experience that?

I'd like to think our relationship is real. We're not all that "fit" anymore, but I don't think we'd be sleeping around all the time if we dropped several pounds. Why is it harder for your guys your age? BECAUSE YOU'RE NINETEEN! There aren't many 19-year-old CEOs, or 19-year-old retirees, or 19-year-olds who have impressive resumes. I've had twice as long to live, love, screw-up and learn. Had my boyfriend and I met when we were teens, we probably wouldn't still be together - we'd have screwed things up several times over. It takes time to learn about relationships, how to make them work, how to react to things, how to fix things when they go wrong. I'm not saying it's impossible for 19-year-olds to be in a "real" relationship, but with time comes wisdom, I think.

Lex

 

[luminum]

If all the teenage girls in the world started questioning if straight relationships were real just because the majority of guys their age just want a one night stand, wouldn't that seem odd?

Face it, what you're lookign at is a skewed perspective. It only seems like "only the gays" don't have committed relationships. But quite honestly, how many gay guys do you know? How in touch are you with the gay population? If you lived in a gayborhood, you'd probably see more committed gay couples than straight couples. It's all about numbers. I know and see far more straight people during my day than gay people, and that means I'm going to see more straight relationships. It doesn't mean that other gay guys my age don't want committed relationships any more than your average straight guy.

It's very tiring to hear about how the young gay male gets looked down upon while the young straight male gets idealized for being exactly the same thing: young males.

I don't look at frat parties and think that the onylt hing straight men want are to party and hook up and I don't look at Spring Break footage or Mardi Gras footage and think that striaght people are all about getting naked and having sex and drinking nor do I think they're giving off a bad image.

Pride is many things, and included in the reverance of our past and the trials and tribulations we still face today is a celebration of being alive and being happy. That includes partying. If you want to attend Pride because you want to educate and remind others of the HIV/AIDS crisis or the political challenges we face, then attenc Pride and do those things. Others want to go there and party it up like it's Spring Break all over again. Some people want to do both, and it's really not your place to look down on people because they want to party at a celebration.

Relationships are real, but don't start idolizing straight relationships because you haven't found a guy your age who wants what you want. I personally want the same thing. I hope for a guy who's interested in reaching a LTR, but I recognize that guys my age, gay or straight, also just want to get their kicks. It's not a 'gay' thing, it's a 'youth' thing.

 

[Eagle653]

I went to Pride this weekend and I guess there were about 75-100,000 people there of all walks of life. I didn't see anyone having sex, nor did I see anyone cruising for that matter. I'm not denying anyone wasn't during either, it's just that it wasn't obvious to me.

What I did see what a bunch of booths, lots of (fairly poor) music on (even worse) speakers and a lot of people milling about and enjoying people watching and bumping into acquaintances and friends. It's also interesting to see who comes out and who sponsors and just catch up on things in this town.

I've been to Pride festivals in several major cities, usually by accident (it happens to be going on when I happen to be visiting, coincidentally). They're all about the same (just like a gay bar is the same in NY as it is LA and Chicago and Miami and Paris and London). I kind of like them because they're festive and like a community street-party atmosphere. But, you put that many people together and, yes, you'll have some drunks and cruisers and people doing weird things. The same thing happens, though, at the 4th of July street festivals here and no one blames American patriotism for it. It's just people having fun.

 

[Mr Frodo]

It is true that a lot of guys meet have sex and move on to the next conquest, but the majority of guys do want to be in a stable relatioinship. Pride is just a microcosim of the community, (I'm not sure if i used that right, but hey it sounded good), you probably didn't notice all the stable couples there because they were shown up by the brighter revelers, but trust me they were there. I have noticed them a lot, probably because i am older, but i think in gereral there are a lot more couples and familiies at the pride events then ever before. Don't give up and don't despare, there are guys out there who are looking for exactly what you are, it just takes time to find them. I found mine, unfortunately i found him in Peru, but that's a whole other story, thread, dilema.

 

[tx_doc]

I think most guys from 18 to 25 (and I just say most, not all) are really out to have fun. This includes gay and straight guys. They're not looking for a relationship because they're still young.

 

[M4P]

I go to the Pride parade and festival every year in my city for three reasons:

1. To celebrate our day
2. To be counted as one of the many proud GLBT citizens of this city
3. To see old friends

If anyone is cruising for sex so be it. Straight people do it the other 364 days of the year