Fooling around with a married man help

[Arceus]

Hello everyone I am a 25 year old guy and I have been fooling around with this married man for close to a year. We have had sex many times and we both work in the same building. We frequently run into each other throughout the day and it gets a little awkward. I know there is gossip on every job and a few years ago he was exposed by having an affair with other women. He is obviously bisexual but no one knows, not even his wife. When we are at work he flirts with most of if not all the women we work with and it irritates me cause I keep thinking he will loose interest in me. I know it's not a relationship and it's just sex but it is really stressful. I have thought he was attractive for a long time and it's kind of a dream come true that we are fooling around cause I have never had a boyfriend. I am going off to university later on in the year and I'm happy to be getting away from home because I need the independence and I really value my education. But i keep thinking that when I leave no one will find me attractive and I'll never have someone in my life. When he is alone with me he is an animal he can't keep his hands off me. But when we are at work he does things in front of me because he knows it bothers me. In a way I think he knows he's got me wrapped around his finger. It's weird because anytime I need advice on life he always gives it from the heart. What should I do and I am seriously sorry that this is so long. Also I have given him money.

 

[KaraBulut]

...I have been fooling around with this married man for close to a year
...we both work in the same building
...a few years ago he was exposed by having an affair with other women
...when we are at work he does things in front of me because he knows it bothers me
...I have given him money.

Let's pause for a moment and pretend that one of your friends came to you with the scenario above. What advice would you give?

Sometimes we know what we should do. But we just don't do it.

The real question here is why haven't you done what you know you should do?

 

[Arceus]

I like the sex, but he really is a good person whenever i need advice he is always there and he wants whats best for me when it comes to my education. He keeps telling me to go better myself because "there is nothing here where we live" it's true. I just keep thinking he is using me though. I just wish there were more people on here who may have been in a similar situation to help me.

 

[TX-Beau]

He's a really "good" person who routinely stabs his wife in the back?

 

[KaraBulut]

.... I just keep thinking he is using me though....

No, he's doing something far worse- he's taking advantage of you.

You're taking advice from someone who is a cheater, a closet bisexual, who is sleeping with coworkers and who is behaving inappropriately at work?

 

[Seasoned]

There's a subconscious subtext to relationships. That's part of the attraction process. You globbed on and you're getting some of what you want but not much of what you need.

You'd do well to break this off before you leave for school so that that experience will be all that it ought to be rather than spending the beginning of it in grief.

I'd like to ask this guy, "how dare you offer life advice to a younger person while giving him the example of a cheating spouse and taking money from him?"

Do you know for a fact that he is married, or is he just keeping people at bay?

 

[NortonRider]

After a quick read, there is another possible explanation for his flirting with all the women. It may have nothing to do with you or him "trying" to hurt you. There are a ton of married guys doing this and on the surface are still quite homophobic. Maybe he is overcompensating for his own insecurity so people think he is all hetero.

Now I am a married man pursuing something close to what you have. The biggest issue is that everyone but myself is hiding it from their wife. Mine knows. But the fact that he is married, and has no plans to get a divorce and cross over to the other team, maybe just enjoy what you have til it's gone.

That said, after 3 months dealing with CraigsList, I am just floored by how many married guys are into everything from kissing to anal that live in my own town or within a few miles. They are all cheating on their wives. The guy I am talking to now is really no different, but unlike the rest, he is just as interested in developing a relationship outside of sex and getting to know and trust each other. Most guys are ready 'right now' and I am sure they just want another notch in the headboard.

Good luck however it turns out.

 

[Hidden Element]

tbh i really cant see this endding very well for u. atm its all great for the married man, he is getting both sex from men and women. This home life, to presume is going well for him. i am guessing the wifey dont know. He is getting all his cake and eatting it.

Eventually this will end, when who knows tomrrow next month for maybe years. When he does get found out, do you think he will still be with you? If he had your intrest in mind would he be with his wife?

If it is just sex you are after then great, make sure its safe as he sounds quite risky tbh. If theres more for you then i would get out while you still can. out yourself first, thats just what the other guy is doing.

Good luck

 

[offthewall14420]

He's a really "good" person who routinely stabs his wife in the back?

Objection: overly dogmatic/judgmental response

 

[offthewall14420]

Don't give him money. You shouldn't take relationship advice from anyone who owes you money.

 

[TX-Beau]

Objection: overly dogmatic/judgmental response

Objection, picking a fight just to call me some kind of prude.

Frankly I find nothing prudish about caring about pother people.

 

[offthewall14420]

Objection, picking a fight just to call me some kind of prude.

Frankly I find nothing prudish about caring about other people.

Some might say guys who sleep w/ married men care too much for other peoples' feelings.

 

[TX-Beau]

Some might say guys who sleep w/ married men care too much for other peoples' feelings.

Yeah, I don't even know what that means. If the wife gives you permission, go impale yourself on that pole to your heart's content, but best get that go ahead in person, since guys who break their word.. well you see the problem.

 

[offthewall14420]

Yeah, I don't even know what that means. If the wife gives you permission, go impale yourself on that pole to your heart's content, but best get that go ahead in person, since guys who break their word.. well you see the problem.

Married guys don't break their word. There's nothing on an actual marriage certificate that says you can't cheat.

 

[TX-Beau]

Married guys don't break their word. There's nothing on an actual marriage certificate that says you can't cheat.

LOL Oh come on, now you're just arguing to argue.

One's own integrity should be enough to stop one from shitting all over other people, but then we all know that there are plenty of guys out there who just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

I don't choose to be that guy, but by all means make your own choice.

 

[Pierresro]

Leave him move you il bee better off!

 

[NortonRider]

Married guys don't break their word. There's nothing on an actual marriage certificate that says you can't cheat.

That's funny. Some married guys don't cheat, they are just honest with their wives from the time they meet, thru the time they get married 7 years later, and then for another 31 years so far.

I'm not so sure every wife would freak out as much as people think if their guy just told them. Guys don't freak when the wife says she wants to be with another woman. Hell he has it all arranged in about 10 minutes

 

[offthewall14420]

LOL Oh come on, now you're just arguing to argue.

One's own integrity should be enough to stop one from shitting all over other people, but then we all know that there are plenty of guys out there who just don't give a shit about anyone but themselves.

I don't choose to be that guy, but by all means make your own choice.

Maybe Arceus made a mistake, and kept on making it over and over again because it was fun. People say they don't want sugar-coating and they're lying to themselves. If locked up in a Pokedex of Other People's Morality, he's less likely to follow good advice.

 

[KaraBulut]

That's funny. Some married [STRIKE]guys[/STRIKE] people don't cheat, they are just honest with their [STRIKE]wives[/STRIKE] partners from the time they meet...

Just updating since a) it's not just the men who cheat and b) it's not just straight couples who can get married these days.

Maybe Arceus made a mistake, and kept on making it over and over again because it was fun. People say they don't want sugar-coating and they're lying to themselves. If locked up in a Pokedex of Other People's Morality, he's less likely to follow good advice.

Perhaps, but are you offering advice/support to the OP or are you having a side discussion in an support forum thread?

 

[offthewall14420]

Just updating since a) it's not just the men who cheat and b) it's not just straight couples who can get married these days.


Perhaps, but are you offering advice/support to the OP or are you having a side discussion in an support forum thread?

Oh, this is all about OP. I don't currently, and do not recall, having a dog in this fight. I just want the OP to not feel bad BC others can relate about not being perfect.