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For the Lexophiles

braex27

Cerca Trova
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1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

30. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

31. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

32. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

33. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

34. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

35. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

36. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

37. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

38. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

39. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

40. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, 'You stay here, I'll go on a head.'

41. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

42. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.'

43. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

44. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

45. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

46. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)(!)
 
If you toss a grenade into a Parisian kitchen you'll get linoleum blownapart.
 
The optician fell into his grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself!

A woman backed into an airplane propeller! DISASTER!
 
I love these.

I used to torture my classmates by making up stuff like this.
 
I love stuff like that as well :) And I frequently do something like that in German. It's a bit more difficult for me to come up with something like that in English, but I try to keep up.

So can you deflower a flower?
 
Since this thread isn't about me, I'll just mention in passing the ship carrying a cargo of black paint which rammed into the ship carrying a cargo of red paint. Both crews ended up marooned.

Lex
 
^ I also thought that this was going to be a Lex tribute thread. (*8*)

But at least you can also tell us about the proper way to rinse out your mouth in the bathroom. :roll:
 
>>>But at least you can also tell us about the proper way to rinse out your mouth in the bathroom.

Oh, I could tell you. But it's far more enjoyable if I show you. If you've got about half an hour to spare...

...actually, better make it two hours. You'll probably need to rest up afterwards.

Lex
 
A few more from a bittersweet site:

http://www.jaredstory.com/word_play.html

Forgive any repeats.


Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal.

Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking.

We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory.

A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
 
>>>To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

My friend and I use this a lot. "Man, you're like a new box of pencils - no point."

Lex
 
A guy and his penis:

"I find it rather bizarre to have something that hangs around all the time and frequently gets excited enough to stick out 8 inches in front of me." ..|
 
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