Force to live with BF due to schoool?

[confusedguy89]

So my boyfriend and I have been dating over a year and I got accepted into a program at a different state. My boyfriend still wants us to work but does not do long distance. I love him, and I want him to stay with me, but I have never been on my own before. So far the plan is that he's going to move with me, but am I making a mistake?

 

[Rolyo85]

Without knowing anything about your situation, it's impossible to say. How old are both of you? What kind of sacrifice would he need to do to move to a different state with you? What will he do once he moves there? Etc.

 

[Durango95]

You didn't say whether or not the two of you are living together now.

 

[confusedguy89]

Without knowing anything about your situation, it's impossible to say. How old are both of you? What kind of sacrifice would he need to do to move to a different state with you? What will he do once he moves there? Etc.

we are mid 20's. he has to sacrifice that I won't be around too often because I would have to study, most likely, every day. Yes he'll see me at night and the weekends if there aren't any tests to study for. He said he's going to apply to a community college and take classes online, and work.

 

[bankside]

He sounds very supportive. Unless you were hoping to use school as an excuse to break up with him, you are very lucky that he is willing to support your education and your relationship by moving. Moving in together is a new adventure, normal to consider when you have been dating more than a year, and to do this in a new city might be a great new start to life together.

Still, you hesitate. The real question is do you hesitate because you are worried that living together will strain the relationship you care about, or do you hesitate because you are not sure you want the relationship to proceed.

 

[Seasoned]

The tone of your post indicates to me that you want the experience of figuring things out on your own at this time in your life. I'd advise you to go with your instincts.

 

[Durango95]

When I was 18yo, I moved to another state with my best friend. He wasn't my boyfriend. There was no possibility of his being my boyfriend. He is straight. I needed the support both emotional and financial. We wouldn't have made it without each other. That being said, we got on each others nerves all the time. It really tested our friendship. You have to understand. I had already known him for ten years. We had been best friends since 3rd grade. You have only been "dating" for a year. The fact you call it dating says a lot to me, frankly.

My take is this. Resolve the relationship before you move anywhere. If you move and get involved in financial matters together, like signing a lease together and sharing utilities and buying furniture or even groceries, and then decide you don't want the relationship anymore...you have big problems. It seems to me there would have to be more of a commitment between the two of you now, before you make a plan like relocating. Now if the two of you are independently wealthy, disregard everything I've said.

 

[Rolyo85]

I would like to hear the answers to Bankside's questions before giving any advice. Living together is a situation so dependent upon the two particular people in it that any advice based on anecdotal evidence is meaningless, so the thing that matters most here is how do you feel about it?

 

[jaysizzles]

"Force[d] to live with bf..." well, that tells me almost all I need to know. If you wanted to live with him, it would seem to me you'd not have chosen that word. If I'm misunderstanding and you do want to live with him, it seems like he's supportive and willing to make the move for you and to be with you. Which, then, I'm not sure I understand the problem...