Forgiveness

[rareboy]

There is a saying about my father's side of the family that goes back over 100 years.

Don't cross an ____; because it is seven years to forgiveness.

That holds true for a number of things for me. But the older I get, the more forgiving and forgetting I have become.

I have often told people from my own experience though...never cross the young because it can lead to a lifetime of being unforgiven.

 

[Seasoned]

When I learned that forgiveness was about me and not the other person I became eager to forgive as it cleared my mind and freed up my emotions. Waking up everyday and walking around with grudges was an excuse to be bitter and resentful. I no longer want to give that power to someone who has wronged me. One of the greatest gifts I received was learning that by separating forgiveness and forgetting, I could remember what was done or not done, while, at the same time, putting it into the past. Holding on to crap means I have less "room" to enjoy the present.

Sometime after age 60, I made a decision that I wanted to eventually die in peace. There's an adage: "would you rather be right or be happy?" My earlier years were spent being "right." I'd rather be happy.

I think too many people people think that forgiveness means trying to pretend something never happened. Walking around with hurt, resentment, hate, etc. gives that other person continuous control over me. That's a voodoo doll I didn't need.

I'd advise anyone to realize that forgiveness is about them and not the other person.

 

[Kabluey]

I'd forgive.
But it takes a fool not to learn from life's experiences.

 

[sixthson]

More often than not, those you refuse to forgive could care less. Unforgiveness only hurts us.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

When I learned that forgiveness was about me and not the other person I became eager to forgive as it cleared my mind and freed up my emotions. Waking up everyday and walking around with grudges was an excuse to be bitter and resentful. I no longer want to give that power to someone who has wronged me. One of the greatest gifts I received was learning that by separating forgiveness and forgetting, I could remember what was done or not done, while, at the same time, putting it into the past. Holding on to crap means I have less "room" to enjoy the present.

Sometime after age 60, I made a decision that I wanted to eventually die in peace. There's an adage: "would you rather be right or be happy?" My earlier years were spent being "right." I'd rather be happy.

I think too many people people think that forgiveness means trying to pretend something never happened. Walking around with hurt, resentment, hate, etc. gives that other person continuous control over me. That's a voodoo doll I didn't need.

I'd advise anyone to realize that forgiveness is about them and not the other person.

Boom we have a winner here! There is nothing gained in holding on to grudges except negative feelings. For those who don't feel capable of letting go of grudges and forgiving someone - you can it just takes work. Free your mind and feelings from the past.

 

[unloadonme]

...I also think life to too short for hate...

That's rather sanctimonious coming from you.

---

If it was a sincere mistake and a sincere apology I could forgive.

If it was premeditated, intentional, in malice, or repeated offenses, You're parasitic scum unworthy of forgiveness because there's no remorse.

Forgiveness is based on intent.

Otherwise you're just opening yourself to be abused again.

Only if they are truly sorry and won't or don't do it again. I don't forgive remorseless people or people who hurt others on purpose.

My view has a lot in common with these two posts.

 

[palbert]

That's rather sanctimonious coming from you.

....

All these posts are pretty sanctimonious.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

Boom we have a winner here! There is nothing gained in holding on to grudges except negative feelings. For those who don't feel capable of letting go of grudges and forgiving someone - you can it just takes work. Free your mind and feelings from the past.

Not necessarily. It's not like I lay awake nights fuming over wrongs done to me that I haven't forgiven. Touching a hot stove, walking into a hornets nest, not ducking when walking under a low ceiling... all things I've learned to avoid because they cause me harm. Some people fall into this category. I don't necessarily hate them, but I am smart enough to not repeat encounters that are detrimental to my well being.

 

[kallipolis]

Boom we have a winner here! There is nothing gained in holding on to grudges except negative feelings. For those who don't feel capable of letting go of grudges and forgiving someone - you can it just takes work. Free your mind and feelings from the past.

Wisely, put....for today, I die....better leave with the thought that I have nothing to gain, hanging on to the past....

Should I wake tomorrow, I can live again, with a clean slate.

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Not necessarily. It's not like I lay awake nights fuming over wrongs done to me that I haven't forgiven. Touching a hot stove, walking into a hornets nest, not ducking when walking under a low ceiling... all things I've learned to avoid because they cause me harm. Some people fall into this category. I don't necessarily hate them, but I am smart enough to not repeat encounters that are detrimental to my well being.

Oh yes, I don't mean to say you should let people hurt you other and other again in the same manner - not at all. Just that holding onto the feelings don't gain much - you can gain knowledge and experience though, just as you put.

 

[otters]

LOL the very concept of «forgiveness»!

No I virtually never forgive, and actually noone in my familiy does.

I can explain why it doesn't bother me that I'm relentless: I am convinced that the whole ideology of «forgiveness» is chiefly a huge misunderstanding of some cryptic passages of the Gospel.

And … it's definitely a myth that being relentless would damage one's health: all my extremely mischievous ancestors lived long and prosper, and they were handsome their whole life

 

[JohnnyAnger]

^ Never wrong a Bavarian! Still you guys are meant to be mega Catholics!

 

[pat grimshaw]

... my extremely mischievous ancestors….

Ah I've seen the comics and heard the music

https://www.google.com.au/search?q=...www.weber-museum.de%2Fwerk%2Fillus%2F;402;500

 

[otters]

^ Never wrong a Bavarian! Still you guys are meant to be mega Catholics!

it depends

Ah I've seen the comics and heard the music

Detroit Symphony Civic Orchestra, Detroit 2014 April 29.
Dr. Carolyn Watson, guest conductor.
Dr. Clyde and Mrs. Helen Wu Music Director Chair

 

[JohnnyAnger]

^ Is it going to turn out your regal ancestry includes Richard Strauss now?

 

[pat grimshaw]

Johnny, be careful about mentioning the name "Richard Strauss" on JUB.

JUB is full of ill-informed ignoramuses who only know Strauss for one incident in his latter years.

 

[otters]

LOL, no. No famous composers in my ancestry

 

[JohnnyAnger]

LOL, no. No famous composers in my ancestry

Harumph, now I will never visit you - I only want to be friends with the descendants of wealthy men

 

[unloadonme]

Harumph, now I will never visit you - I only want to be friends with the ancestors of wealthy men

Descendants surely!

 

[JohnnyAnger]

Descendants surely!

You're correct, the port I was drinking clearly has gone to my head. I edited in shame....