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Former fuck buddy contacted me again

Cedric

Cedric

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I got a message on grindr from someone I used to hook up with on a regular basis earlier this year. He was pressuring me to be exclusive with him, but I said no. Then at the beginning of September when I told him I had been hooking up with other guys, he got angry and blocked me. For 3 months, I thought that was that, but then he messaged me out of nowhere to say "hi." He sent the message yesterday afternoon, and I just logged on today and saw it and said "hi" back.

I thought this guy's expectations about exclusivity were unreasonable given what the circumstances were, but maybe it's just me. He has a much more complicated life than I do, so the entire time we were together, I accommodated his schedule. He has 2 jobs (1 full time, 1 part time) and 2 families (1 with his ex-wife and another with a woman he was never married to) with 2 custody schedules to juggle. Meanwhile, I only have 1 job and no kids, so at first I thought it was reasonable that I would accommodate him. But then I started to get resentful of being "squeezed in" whenever it suited him, and sometimes, when we had made plans already he would cancel last minute (sometimes when I had already started driving there) because something fell through.

He lives a 1.5 hour drive from my house, and I always made that drive over there. Not once did he come over to my house. This was a situation where I would drive 3 hours roundtrip just to see someone for an hour (sometimes only a little bit more). He's actually a nice guy, and I enjoyed having him around, and I wouldn't mind having him around again. But given the circumstances, I thought it was unreasonable for him to expect me not to have any others in addition to him.

How do I handle this situation? We've just exchanged "hi's" at this point.
 
Here's the situation: You were both honest with each other about your needs and wants. He rejected your needs and wants and went silent. Now, he's trying to reestablish contact with you. Read: He's horny again.

You can see where it goes, if you're interesting in hooking up with him again for sex. If not, then turn him down if the "hi" messages progress to another hookup invite. If you want to hook up, do it, but don't let him whine or sweet-talk his way into you bending your will.

Good luck!
 
How was sex with him? Good? Imagine him naked, does he still turn you on? If so, ignore him. Stop contacting him.

Give me his phone number. I'll drive 3 hrs to visit him :lol:
 
Yeah, ok. I'll just play it by ear right now and see how it goes, and if I decide to hook up with him again, I'll be extra clear that he can't expect certain things from me.
 
Sounds like trouble to me....I'd stay away from him if I were you.
 
Not sure if he sounds like trouble, at least at the "hi" stage but given the past experience, he sounds like too much work (wife/girlfriends/jobs/distance, etc etc).

Really, can't you do better- especially on NSA hookups?
 
Yeah, that's true. He was a lot of work.

We chatted for a bit last night. He wanted to tell me his news since we last saw each other. He bought a house, etc., etc., etc. I was polite to him but didn't really give him a reason to continue the conversation.
 
Sounds like a guy who wasn't even worth it in the first place. What did you see in him? Needy, with a lot of baggage.
 
He was actually a nice guy--I'd been with lots of jerks before--but, yes, you are right. He has a lot of baggage.
 
well you are also responsible for the circumstances, because you accommodated them.

If you are to rekindle this relationship, just be clear that you would like things to be on a more-equal basis. Tell him that you would like him to visit you once a month (or whatever your desires are).

Now, he has children - so he may not be able to get away on weekends if that is when his visitation is. You won't be able to supercede his children. But he should be able to find a day or two a month that he can get away.

Don't devalue your own time. As you already pointed out - it only leads to resentment. He may be a great guy, but long distance relationships are difficult. it doesn't sound like it is giving you what you need, unless he meets you halfway.
 
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