Friend gets a girlfriend and stops hanging out with you?

[Rex]

Have you ever had a friend who, once started having a relationship with someone, just sort of stopped hanging out with you? I know this is pretty common with a lot of people.

My best friend, he is sort of like a brother to me. I met him pretty early on when I first joined the military and we instantly clicked and became good friends. We also became dorm mates for a while and hung out just about every day. A few months ago he started dating a girl, also military, and she is great and cool and we've hung out all together on a few occasions. They ended up moving in together when he was given permission to move out of the barracks.

Ever since then I barely ever hear from him. We hang out very rarely now. When she went out of the state for three weeks, we began hanging out a lot more often but once she came back, it went back to us barely hanging out.

I know it sounds silly and I'm happy for him because their relationship has gotten closer but I feel like I lost my best friend. I guess it's pretty common for this to happen when a friend is in a serious relationship but it has really been boring without him because I don't really hang out with anyone else or as close with anyone else in the military as I was with him, and I guess I'm not the greatest at meeting new people.


So have you ever been in that kind of situation and what was the outcome?


Discuss.

 

[RaKroma]

This is the most classic issue that friends go through once someone gets a bf/gf and starts to spend less time or no time with their best friends etc.. Just learn to adapt to the new situation.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Sultan, if you ever have a healthy, LTR, with a guy you love, you too will be like your friend to your friends.

 

[leomendez93]

I totally understand you. We have all been through the same. It is like growing up. You have a best friend all your childhood and beginning of teen years... then suddenly his interests change and they do not match yours. It is not the friendship that cooled down but the interests changed. He goes his way and you go yours. Hopefully, the shared times were precious and many so that the memories and love that this friendship formed are everlasting. The love of real friendships should never die. Every time you meet it will be like the old days and these get together will be just as amazing.

 

[star-warrior]

I guess she's giving him sex. You can't compete with that if he's not getting it with you...

 

[Fire]

This is the way of things.

 

[Ram]

I will always hang out with the person that will give me sex.

 

[navigaytion]

I honestly cannot believe the comments.

Sultan, it may be that the dynamic between you and your bff has changed because he has a new relationship, but a true friend would not put "hos before bros." Ever. Period.

I think it's selfish that he is abandoning you just to be with a vagina, but at least you know what his character is like now.

 

[Rex]

I honestly cannot believe the comments.

Sultan, it may be that the dynamic between you and your bff has changed because he has a new relationship, but a true friend would not put "hos before bros." Ever. Period.

I think it's selfish that he is abandoning you just to be with a vagina, but at least you know what his character is like now.

Well I wouldn't say he is abandoning me, because we are still good friends and probably always will be but the times we actually hang out or talk these days are kind of few are far between. In a way, it does feel like that but I know we will always be cool, but not as close as we used to be.

I guess that means I need to be in a relationship with someone so I am not lonely for companionship, and I could be in a relationship with a guy or a girl and be happy either way but the type of guy I am attracted to I find is very hard to find with actual gay or bi guys who are comfortable enough in their sexuality that they would want to date a guy, so I think it would be easier to find a girl.

I still couldn't see just dropping my best friends if I was in a serious relationship. I should mention that my buddy only lives about 10-15 min away and I rarely see him now, which is kind of sad because he was the only true friend I have here, though I have a lot of people who are more/so acquaintances who I would hang out with on occasion, he was the only one I was close enough with to where it was like a brother-brother relationship and we both knew we would be there for each other for whatever reason. I feel like I sort of lost that, and it sucks being in the military away from your family and when all your other friends are thousands of miles away.




OK well now I feel like I'm having a Dr. Phill moment but it does feel a lot better to have someone to say this to.

 

[braex27]

Yes, it's happened to me. I will put in some effort to try and maintain the friendship but if I get no response, I am happy to cut the person from my life. It's sad, but I think it has to be done. The older I get the less patient I have become.

Case in point, this happened with one 'friend' and I didn't hear from him for months on end, then out of the blue, I get a call seeing if I wanted to come out for lunch. I declined - can't even remember the excuse - but turns out he was wanting to 'reconnect' cos he'd just split with his partner. Go figure.

I have no time for these people. Much better to devote my time hanging out with friends who enjoy my company, and vice versa.

 

[navigaytion]

Well I wouldn't say he is abandoning me, because we are still good friends and probably always will be but the times we actually hang out or talk these days are kind of few are far between. In a way, it does feel like that but I know we will always be cool, but not as close as we used to be.

He should still be responsive to you, if he is actually your friend. Then again, he may not know that you miss him and that he was so important to you. Have you shared your feelings with him?

I guess that means I need to be in a relationship with someone so I am not lonely for companionship, and I could be in a relationship with a guy or a girl and be happy either way but the type of guy I am attracted to I find is very hard to find with actual gay or bi guys who are comfortable enough in their sexuality that they would want to date a guy, so I think it would be easier to find a girl.

I guess that would be your call.

I still couldn't see just dropping my best friends if I was in a serious relationship. I should mention that my buddy only lives about 10-15 min away and I rarely see him now, which is kind of sad because he was the only true friend I have here, though I have a lot of people who are more/so acquaintances who I would hang out with on occasion, he was the only one I was close enough with to where it was like a brother-brother relationship and we both knew we would be there for each other for whatever reason. I feel like I sort of lost that, and it sucks being in the military away from your family and when all your other friends are thousands of miles away.

That is sad. And like I said, I don't think your friend is being considerate toward you and the friendship. I would be upset, as well. If the friendship was important to him then he would be concerned about you and make ample time for you, not just neglect you for some tail.

 

[quasar]

He should still be responsive to you, if he is actually your friend. Then again, he may not know that you miss him and that he was so important to you. Have you shared your feelings with him?

...And like I said, I don't think your friend is being considerate toward you and the friendship. I would be upset, as well. If the friendship was important to him then he would be concerned about you and make ample time for you, not just neglect you for some tail.

This is my view too. He genuinely may not realise that his actions have had this effect on you. Love really can be blind when it comes to seeing what's going on around you. Talk to him and see if you can't arrange a 'boys' night once a week.

 

[Ram]

How my love life is classified. I consider boyfriend (after dating stage), partner, husband as family.

 

[glasvegas]

Is normal when your friend finds someone who he can settle down with. Maybe you should start hanging out with others.

 

[Rex]

I agree with Navigaytion.

A true friend considers how his actions affect his loved ones.

If he was just hanging with you because he didn't have anything better to do, that is a selfish thing.

If there is all that much healthy love there, she would be encouraging him to keep in touch also. A healthy love isn't jealous of the lover's time.

Immature possessive love expect to dominate in the way you describe, and many many many couples engage one another in that way and take many many years to ever mature and again see platonic friends in the proper light.

You are correct to feel hurt and abandoned. BUT, you have a lot going for you, and should get out there and meet some new friends and build up some new relationships. It will take out the sting and keep you from dwelling on him.

You're right. I have thought about it that way before but I guess that what you, braex and Navigyion are saying is true. A true friend would still maintain a friendship even if he was in a serious relationship. I know I would have..... I just was questioning if it's wrong for me to feel that way. I mean... is it?

It was weird too because when his girlfriend is on leave for three weeks he was all about hanging out and we did but once she's back it's like I never hear from him again... but I thought that is normal or something.


So I guess what I need to do is stop trying to get in contact with him to hang out anymore because I don't need anyone's pity. Yeah it's making more sense now I guess.

I need to just make new friends and stop hanging out with him, as sad as that is since we were so close.

 

[USEDCAR]

I would call him up one day and ask him if he wants to have lunch or something. And if he makes up an excuse or goes around it then you know its time to cut back talking to him. I been through it millions of times where the guy ignores the world for his girlfriend. Its a shame really. I believe its healthy to have friends instead of being under your partner all day. And i don't do the couple friendship meaning being friends with the friend girlfriend or boyfriend. as soon as shit happens im the first person they run too.


One guy i know when he dates a girl and ignores the world around him and is always under her cunt. They broke up for a month and he complained about having no friends and he wanted to be my friend. So make a long story short i tried to be his friend and a few weeks later he went back with her and we haven't talk since

 

[Rex]

I would call him up one day and ask him if he wants to have lunch or something. And if he makes up an excuse or goes around it then you know its time to cut back talking to him. I been through it millions of times where the guy ignores the world for his girlfriend. Its a shame really. I believe its healthy to have friends instead of being under your partner all day. And i don't do the couple friendship meaning being friends with the friend girlfriend or boyfriend. as soon as shit happens im the first person they run too.


One guy i know when he dates a girl and ignores the world around him and is always under her cunt. They broke up for a month and he complained about having no friends and he wanted to be my friend. So make a long story short i tried to be his friend and a few weeks later he went back with her and we haven't talk since

Well, he has said to me a few times that we should hang out or do something during the weekend but more often than not, doesn't follow through with it.

 

[rareboy]

How my love life is classified. I consider boyfriend (after dating stage), partner, husband as family.

Brilliant.

Everyone should make one of these.

 

[Ram]

I just realized that it is wrong to classify friends and family separately. Lost a friend of 7 years because he is a cunt and it really does feels like you are breaking up with your loved one. First the pain, then the one tub of ice cream and depressing Holocaust movie, then the constant posting of insanely positive status updates on your facebook wall to show you are doing fine without him....

I guess if I can shift my attention away from a friend to my partner easily than I've never really had a proper friendship with him.

 

[rareboy]

True.

But you can usually just bury your friend's body in the garden and get away with it, while with family, there's always some annoying person whose asking where a brother or sister disappeared to.