Friend gets a girlfriend and stops hanging out with you?

[Swifty]

I've actually had something similar to this happen to me recently.

I have/had a friend that I'd known since high school and we'd talk about everything together/hang out a lot. However he got a girlfriend and he slowly stopped talking to me. We'd talk on MSN everyday but then he slowly stopped coming online. At first I accepted it and adapted to it but as time went on we slowly spoke less and less. I endured cause he was my friend and we had the history, but things took a turn for the worst recently.

We spoke 3 days before my birthday and I reminded him about it but when I had my birthday....nothing. No message, no phone call, nothing. Not even anything in the following days. Checking his Facebook? its all girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend.

So it really just hit me, he'd just forgot about me entirely and...yeah...its like I never existed. I haven't even been contacted by him since. He's lost a true friend out of it. If he can't even have the decency to take 1 minute out of his day to remember a birthday, was he really my friend the whole time?

Now the funny thing, he's going on MSN everyday-all day now. I get the feeling he's just waiting for me to start talking to him. But he's not going to get that satisfaction, if he wants to attempt to repair things he needs to come up to me of his own accord.

 

[freefall]

What the heck is Sigourney Weaver doin' in the middle of the pyramid?

Sultan, your case is the classic case of "Choose Between Your Lover or Your Friend!". When an individual gets into a relationship, s/he, despite his/her commitment to stay balanced between love life and hanging out with friend, will mostly and eventually incline to one, with or without peer pressure.

There are three different cases within my friends' circle. One eventually chose her boyfriend over friends and the other one broke up because she thought her friends are more important. The last one managed to keep the equilibrium but at times he kept dragged into one of the sides. Somehow, it was me who got trapped in hearing the three of them whining (not that I dislike being a shoulder to lean onto).

I personally think friends' re-adjustment is important (small petty talks when the friend is drifting away) but not progressing to excessive peer pressure.

 

[MMMonsterBoy]

My best friend did that to me when he first started dating his gf. Though it didn't last long (him not hanging with me) and now we can all hang. I was bothered at first, but I kinda understood. I didn't want to be the 3rd wheel, first of all, and I knew how much he enjoyed spending time with her.

Not to mention, my friend and I had been friends for so long that I knew we weren't finished as friends. He would make time for me. We have the friendship where we could not speak/hang for weeks and then pick up right where we left off.

It's all about managing your relationships, some people suck at it and some people don't. You shouldn't put your friend before your lover or vice versa, because either way someone is getting left out.

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

I've had a former friend that recently said we couldn't hang out "because he had a bf now".

When I asked him what us hanging out had to do with that, he gave a bullshit answer, so I just haven't talked to him since.

I understand hanging out less because you're dating or in a relationship, but it's silly to cut out all contact with the outside world, and it's a little insulting(in that particular case) to think we were only hanging out - in a platonic way, I might add - because you were single.

But I guess some people are like that.

 

[highwindcaleb]

whenever my best friend starts dating someone new i will always say 'see you in a few months'. he says it won't happen like that 'this time' and he proves me right by retreating from all of his friends and then a few months later they will break up and I'm his first phone call.

i hate it. i think it is stupid. but i deal with it cause he is my best friend and i really don't care for many people other than him.

 

[freefall]

I understand hanging out less because you're dating or in a relationship, but it's silly to cut out all contact with the outside world, and it's a little insulting(in that particular case) to think we were only hanging out - in a platonic way, I might add - because you were single.

But I guess some people are like that.

Usually that happens when the boyfriend/girlfriend is cunty and demands you to choose one of them. Again, classic.

 

[pai mei]

yes. yes i have experienced this.

obviously the person will want to spend time with the GF, and thats awesome, but in some people's cases they actually just cut you right out and don't talk to you at all anymore.

as if you're no longer friends at all. they don't even msg you anymore when they're online on like msn or anything like that, and it's worse when you know the GF and like her, and know she isn't that type of girl that forces him to no longer have friends.

it sucks! especially when they're fucking hot and u've fantasized about sucking their dick for years! (ok lol j/k about that last part... well... mostly kidding... .. errrr)

 

[The_Reaper]

Not paranoid at all, really...

I have a friend, who I already don't see much because we live in different cities, but he got himself a girlfriend and now he is more or less an invisible man, especially when he visits my city with her.

Now, I happen to know that she just flat out doesn't like me...For whatever reason, though it's likely something I said at some point, but who knows. Either way, I get the feeling if she's with him she doesn't want me around.

Truth be told, I prefer the same scenario.

 

[Ninja108]

I've had it happen a couple of times with friends of both genders and sexualities.
WHat I've done is try to talk to them and set up hangout times once a week or month. If they can't be bothered to do that or respond, then it's time to move on.

 

[rareboy]

By the way Ram.

We ate at a restaurant in Vermont seated nxt to Sigourney Weaver this past June.

If we see her there again, I will tell her where you have her in your pyramid.

 

[WaitingIntheWings]

This is the story of my life basically. My one guy friend who I see rarely as it is, whenever he has a girlfriend I become nonexisitent to him. I see him maybe once every 4 to 6 months now. And it still hurts to tell the truth but not as much as it used to because I realized that there was nothing I could really do about it.

I'm now going through this with my best female friend and she's manged to not completely cut me out but we do see each other much less often than we use to. All this is fine because I tell them both that if and when I get in a relationship their asses are going on the back burner, too.

 

[Rex]

So I guess the question is, do I tell my friend how I feel about this or just give up on trying to be his friend anymore and move on?

I believe a true friend makes time for his real friends and doesn't shut them out completely. I could never see myself doing that with my real friends, because I consider my true friends the same as a family member.

 

[highwindcaleb]

you have to tell him that you feel this way. otherwise, nothing will be solved and your friendship will suffer

 

[AlmondMilk]

I agree that it would be nice if you hung out more and he made more of an effort. Once a month or so of hanging out wouldn't hurt. I do see what Elvin's saying, but I agree with loki that if I were dating someone, I wouldn't ONLY want to spend time with them.

If I were you, I'd just ask him about it. No harm done.

Best of luck, Sultry Sultan.

 

[Rex]

Do you expect your friend to do the whole wild nights and parties thing forever?

He has a girlfriend and she deserves his attention.

At least he is still hanging with you and making time for you. Be grateful.

I think a true friend would just be happy that his friend found someone to love. He doesn't need to hang out with you every day.

Or maybe you're a bad influence. lol

Can you please show me where I said we need to have wild nights and parties?

Also, please point out to me where I said we need to hang out every day. Please, go ahead.

 

[navigaytion]

So she's a ho then?

I didn't say she was, and I don't think I implied it, either.

"Hos before bros" is just an expression.

And I have had friends that have dropped me faster than a hot skillet for dick.

Then you should probably choose better friends if they're treating you that way.

I didn't fall apart.

Maybe because you didn't have expectations and standards.

 

[Rex]

I'm not "falling apart" but I mentioned that I'm in the military so I'm not anywhere near my friends I grew up with, and a lot of people you're in the military with, you end up never seeing them again if you're sent to different stations.

With this particular friend, we were both very good friends in training and we both happened to be stationed at the same base so his friendship means a lot to me. I just wanted to know if I'm entitled to feel the way I do or if I'm just being inconsiderate.

 

[Ram]

By the way Ram.

We ate at a restaurant in Vermont seated nxt to Sigourney Weaver this past June.

If we see her there again, I will tell her where you have her in your pyramid.

Rareboy, if you are really my friend, can you ask her to take a photo with a card that has my name on it? You don't know how much it will mean to me. Take my first born in exchange. It will be the best present ever.

 

[rareboy]

^ I solemnly promise.

 

[rareboy]

I'm not "falling apart" but I mentioned that I'm in the military so I'm not anywhere near my friends I grew up with, and a lot of people you're in the military with, you end up never seeing them again if you're sent to different stations.

With this particular friend, we were both very good friends in training and we both happened to be stationed at the same base so his friendship means a lot to me. I just wanted to know if I'm entitled to feel the way I do or if I'm just being inconsiderate.

You're not inconsiderate, just selfish and jealous.

It is pretty natural behaviour.

A lot of times, friendship is a matter of circumstances rather than substance. This is so true with schoolfriends, training buddies, etc. If you weren't thrown together, ask yourself, would I ever really have been friends with that person? And friends do outgrow one another.

Wish them well, get on with finding someone else in your life and shrug it off.