yeah this is pretty long but i'd really love your guys advice.
so i met this guy my very first day of high school in 2004 and was immediately into him. i remember i couldn't wait to get back on the bus and hoping he would ride it home as well. the day was going well. i got into third period which was World Geography (my favorite class i've ever had, you'll find out why keep reading) and took a seat, class started. about five minutes in, guess who walks in with his schedule saying he's in our class. as soon as i saw him, i was going crazy with excitement (not that kind lol) on the inside but i kept my composure on the out. we weren't seated very close and i could tell this would be a gradual thing. he would get on both the morning and evening buses frequently but not all the time. he was in football which kept him busy sometimes. we talked off and on and i did what i could to get him to notice me that when i look back on i must have looked like an idiot like i would be the only one sitting on the desk talking to my friend behind me while we were supposed to be working. he later mocked it but not in a mean way. i was excited because he had noticed and noticed me. we started bonding through music. i let him listen to my mp3 player on the bus and i can remember getting a new cd that he laid down on the floor beside my desk with his head on my backback listening to it. over the next couple of months we grew closer and closer. as luck would have it, we got a new seating chart one day and i was seated directly in front of him. this lasted a few weeks before our class upset a sub and our teach punished us by changing it again. i still had my seat but he was know in the front desk which still wasn't too far but i was so bummed that he wasn't as close as he was before. during lunch one time i was going to my table like i always did and he was there waiting for me and i didn't realize it until he came to my table he was wanting to sit with me. that was such an amazing feeling. we would always sit together on the bus. god just thinking about it i get sad thinking about the times when i was happier then i had ever been. one time i think i was coloring a map or something and messed up and cursed something like dammit i think, well anyway he noticed because called my name and asked if it was because of the people in the back who were talking loud because he was also getting annoyed. i hadn't really noticed it but for him i said that was the reason. when the class was ending he came to my desk and asked if i would go to the office with him to say something. now i would never do something like that but for him i did. i think he's the only one that could do that to me. the next day our teacher asked us to take it up with him if we felt something was wrong and we just moved on from it. then he did something that i might have made that day one of the best of my life. he turned around and asked if i wanted to go to a movie with him. of course i said yes. up until that point we had spent all our time together in the class or on the bus. now he was asking me out. i knew it was just a friendly thing and i was fine with that. i was just so happy. unfortunately it never happened. i waited for him to call and he didn't. i was crushed. when i saw him that monday morning, he told me he had been grounded that night. i believed it and was cool with him again we stayed close for the next couple of weeks but then literally overnight, it was as if we've never even met. when i tried to talk to him, he would talk to someone else. he didn't talk to me anymore and i couldn't understand why. maybe something happened. maybe someone told him they thought i was gay or something. if thats the case, i hope something bad happened to them since their to blame for ending the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but thats purely hypothetical. once we took our final for the class and started the new semester, things got better but not anywhere close to before. because of spring training, he no longer rode the bus during either rides. and with our new schedule, we had no classes together. i would see him less often, but when i did he would talk to me like before. but the year eventually ended and i didn't see him again till the next school year. at first he would just nod or put up his fist for me to punch but then i saw him outside my history class talking to someone. when he saw me he came up and gave me and put out his hand for me to hold like the way you see young friends do and then out of nowhere he hugged me. another amazing moment. we went over to the window and talked a couple minutes before he had to run to class. we didn't really see eachother a lot after that though. the next year i found out he had a class in this hallway and i decided to be there to see him. at first we would talk there and after awhile he'd just say hey and move on. then it got to a point where i felt just weird standing there by myself waiting for him and when he did come, for him to just not even really care hurt me. so i stopped doing that and again saw him less.
now that we're both seniors, things of course things aren't much different, we still have no classes together but we do have the same lunch period which is lucky i guess since there are four different lunch periods and he just happened to end up in mine, but it is packed like crazy so its hard to catch him plus he's usually with his jock friends which can be way too intimidating for me. i saw him today, twice but both times he still didn't seem interested. he said hey and we punched fist, but i almost feel like he did it because he felt he had to because with our past friendship, i mean he did it and then went on with his business barely even looking at me. it just breaks my heart because i want more than ever to be as close, or even closer than we were before but as much as i try to get close to him, he just doesn't seem into it like he once was. i know these things happen and people move on but i'm still here. its not like i moved away. it also could be due to social life is in the dumps. i used to have a lot of friends but now i'm hardly noticed, this has made me feel lonely and at times desperate. i worry if i come on too strong because of it. i'm careful about that with him but sometimes too careful and i'll let good opportunities to talk to him pass by.
i just don't know what to do here. sometimes i tell myself just face it, its over. i tell myself i'm being a fool still acting like he's still your friend. on the other hand i tell myself your assuming, you don't know that he's blocked you off completely, you're just guessing it. then i go back to the other hand think you were friends, it was four years ago,how long are you gonna live in the past, but its so hard for me to let go. i think about him a lot, i even dream about him sometimes.
i had had friends before then, best friends even, and a lot of guy friends but this guy just made me feel...its hard to explain it just like so good and accepted like someone could really be this interested in me. still to this day when i see him, i go through all kinds of emotions and i start to shake slightly. i get all nervous around him. basically the song when i see u by fantasia perfectly describes it except the part about walking away when i see him because whenever i see him, i always try to get near him but a lot of times, the crowd around us doesn't allow that.
i've noticed recently that around other people, he sometimes acts like i'm non existant but when its just us, he'll talk to me like he used to.
i just wanna know what i should do. any advice on how to get us back to the way we were or should i just try to move on even though sometimes i fear i never will. i know i'm young and some of you will say i don't know what i'm talking about, i haven't experienced real love yet and maybe thats true but i know i still feel connected to him. i know he's probably straight and i'm fine with that. i would totally be happy if we were just best friends, thats how our relationship already was anyway and i was happy with that. i just wanna know if there is anyway to save this friendship.
so i met this guy my very first day of high school in 2004 and was immediately into him. i remember i couldn't wait to get back on the bus and hoping he would ride it home as well. the day was going well. i got into third period which was World Geography (my favorite class i've ever had, you'll find out why keep reading) and took a seat, class started. about five minutes in, guess who walks in with his schedule saying he's in our class. as soon as i saw him, i was going crazy with excitement (not that kind lol) on the inside but i kept my composure on the out. we weren't seated very close and i could tell this would be a gradual thing. he would get on both the morning and evening buses frequently but not all the time. he was in football which kept him busy sometimes. we talked off and on and i did what i could to get him to notice me that when i look back on i must have looked like an idiot like i would be the only one sitting on the desk talking to my friend behind me while we were supposed to be working. he later mocked it but not in a mean way. i was excited because he had noticed and noticed me. we started bonding through music. i let him listen to my mp3 player on the bus and i can remember getting a new cd that he laid down on the floor beside my desk with his head on my backback listening to it. over the next couple of months we grew closer and closer. as luck would have it, we got a new seating chart one day and i was seated directly in front of him. this lasted a few weeks before our class upset a sub and our teach punished us by changing it again. i still had my seat but he was know in the front desk which still wasn't too far but i was so bummed that he wasn't as close as he was before. during lunch one time i was going to my table like i always did and he was there waiting for me and i didn't realize it until he came to my table he was wanting to sit with me. that was such an amazing feeling. we would always sit together on the bus. god just thinking about it i get sad thinking about the times when i was happier then i had ever been. one time i think i was coloring a map or something and messed up and cursed something like dammit i think, well anyway he noticed because called my name and asked if it was because of the people in the back who were talking loud because he was also getting annoyed. i hadn't really noticed it but for him i said that was the reason. when the class was ending he came to my desk and asked if i would go to the office with him to say something. now i would never do something like that but for him i did. i think he's the only one that could do that to me. the next day our teacher asked us to take it up with him if we felt something was wrong and we just moved on from it. then he did something that i might have made that day one of the best of my life. he turned around and asked if i wanted to go to a movie with him. of course i said yes. up until that point we had spent all our time together in the class or on the bus. now he was asking me out. i knew it was just a friendly thing and i was fine with that. i was just so happy. unfortunately it never happened. i waited for him to call and he didn't. i was crushed. when i saw him that monday morning, he told me he had been grounded that night. i believed it and was cool with him again we stayed close for the next couple of weeks but then literally overnight, it was as if we've never even met. when i tried to talk to him, he would talk to someone else. he didn't talk to me anymore and i couldn't understand why. maybe something happened. maybe someone told him they thought i was gay or something. if thats the case, i hope something bad happened to them since their to blame for ending the greatest thing that ever happened to me, but thats purely hypothetical. once we took our final for the class and started the new semester, things got better but not anywhere close to before. because of spring training, he no longer rode the bus during either rides. and with our new schedule, we had no classes together. i would see him less often, but when i did he would talk to me like before. but the year eventually ended and i didn't see him again till the next school year. at first he would just nod or put up his fist for me to punch but then i saw him outside my history class talking to someone. when he saw me he came up and gave me and put out his hand for me to hold like the way you see young friends do and then out of nowhere he hugged me. another amazing moment. we went over to the window and talked a couple minutes before he had to run to class. we didn't really see eachother a lot after that though. the next year i found out he had a class in this hallway and i decided to be there to see him. at first we would talk there and after awhile he'd just say hey and move on. then it got to a point where i felt just weird standing there by myself waiting for him and when he did come, for him to just not even really care hurt me. so i stopped doing that and again saw him less.
now that we're both seniors, things of course things aren't much different, we still have no classes together but we do have the same lunch period which is lucky i guess since there are four different lunch periods and he just happened to end up in mine, but it is packed like crazy so its hard to catch him plus he's usually with his jock friends which can be way too intimidating for me. i saw him today, twice but both times he still didn't seem interested. he said hey and we punched fist, but i almost feel like he did it because he felt he had to because with our past friendship, i mean he did it and then went on with his business barely even looking at me. it just breaks my heart because i want more than ever to be as close, or even closer than we were before but as much as i try to get close to him, he just doesn't seem into it like he once was. i know these things happen and people move on but i'm still here. its not like i moved away. it also could be due to social life is in the dumps. i used to have a lot of friends but now i'm hardly noticed, this has made me feel lonely and at times desperate. i worry if i come on too strong because of it. i'm careful about that with him but sometimes too careful and i'll let good opportunities to talk to him pass by.
i just don't know what to do here. sometimes i tell myself just face it, its over. i tell myself i'm being a fool still acting like he's still your friend. on the other hand i tell myself your assuming, you don't know that he's blocked you off completely, you're just guessing it. then i go back to the other hand think you were friends, it was four years ago,how long are you gonna live in the past, but its so hard for me to let go. i think about him a lot, i even dream about him sometimes.
i had had friends before then, best friends even, and a lot of guy friends but this guy just made me feel...its hard to explain it just like so good and accepted like someone could really be this interested in me. still to this day when i see him, i go through all kinds of emotions and i start to shake slightly. i get all nervous around him. basically the song when i see u by fantasia perfectly describes it except the part about walking away when i see him because whenever i see him, i always try to get near him but a lot of times, the crowd around us doesn't allow that.
i've noticed recently that around other people, he sometimes acts like i'm non existant but when its just us, he'll talk to me like he used to.
i just wanna know what i should do. any advice on how to get us back to the way we were or should i just try to move on even though sometimes i fear i never will. i know i'm young and some of you will say i don't know what i'm talking about, i haven't experienced real love yet and maybe thats true but i know i still feel connected to him. i know he's probably straight and i'm fine with that. i would totally be happy if we were just best friends, thats how our relationship already was anyway and i was happy with that. i just wanna know if there is anyway to save this friendship.
