Friend thinks I like him!

[CumAlong]

I had one of those brilliant ideas, one of those brilliant ideas you get only when your drunk...to drunk dial someone.

At the time, I had only come out to a few people, most of which were girls, cuz it was weird to tell guys. Well, the first guy i told seemed pretty supportive of it. We spent many late nights talking on fb chat about stuff. He would talk about this girl he was into, I would talk about my life and so on. Well, one drunk night I decided to drunk dial him...

He had been drinking that night too, and we were bullshitting, but then we got onto the topic of me 'trying new things'. I was highly attracted to one of our mutual friends, and he started asking who i liked. He guess this person first, and of course i denied it for fear of the guy finding out if i told someone. Now, my friend on the phone, the one that I like, and another one I liked were all a part of the ultimate frisbee team. I denied the one i liked, and said it was someone else on the frisbee team i liked.

I said "no, its someone else on the frisbee team....who else do i know on the frisbee team?.." from there on, it was awkward. The conversation was quickly diverted and soon ended all together.

Not only that, but the next day I asked him what I said to him the other night during my drunk dial, playing the "oh, i don't remember i was so pissed drunk" card. He said 'nothing, don't worry about' and refused, time and time again to talk about it.

My best guess is that he disregarded the fact i could be talking about the other guy, and was instead talking about him, since he and the one I denied were the ones i knew best on the team. Commence months of awkwardness and a very distant...relationship. If you can even call ignoring each other and group hellos to one another a relationship.

I'm angry at him for it, and myself too. Its impossible to tell what he thinks, but at this point, we've moved to different friend groups away from one another. Its just that i want him so badly to know that I didn't mean HIM! And he is stupid for thinking so!

Just so frustrating even after all this time. Every now and then I think of that moment, and how much it hurts to think that what at one time i would have considered one of my best friends, and a great help to me morally, is now indifferent of me, or plain dislikes me. I think of the moment, and just get infuriated, so frustrated, and then embarrassed. I shake my head, sigh, and just look down every time i think about it.

In fact, I blame this incident for my not coming out completely to a lot of guy friends of mine. Only one other guy friend knows, and that's because he walked in on me telling one of my best girl friends, and I had to explain...

I just wanted to get that out to there, and rant... Hope you are all having good evenings / days, wherever you may be.

 

[genthree]

a lie has it's own reward..............................

 

[rareboy]

And hopefully you've learned your lesson, have vented and can now move on and not think about it anymore.

 

[KaraBulut]

Wait a second.

You drunk dialed.

You didn't name the guy or tell the truth (or say, "I'm too embarassed to tell you which guy it is").

You're being distant and feel awkward.

You haven't cleared the air.

But you're mad at him?

You're the one who can clear the air and fix the relationship. Why aren't you doing it?

 

[CumAlong]

Yes, I drunk dialed him, and lied about which guy I liked, even though he was the one who went there...

But I didn't become awkward until weeks later. At first I thought there was no way he could of thought I meant him, except he never seemed interested in talking anymore like we used to. Never texted or called about anything that happened that he felt like sharing like he used to. And when I would call him to talk, he was always busy and never showed the slightest interest in knowing why I called, only cared about finding something else to do.

I played the 'i was too drunk to remember card' because he was so awkward about it, and I wanted to know why. At first I thought it was awkward because he found out who I actually liked, it wasn't until he kept avoiding me that i thought maybe he though I was talking about HIM. At that point, what should I have done? Called him up and been like 'ohhh, btw I think you thought I meant I liked you a month or so ago when i drunk dialed you, naw I don't, it was Ben I was talking about....yea thats all...cya.'

I know I'm not innocent in this situation, I'm just as guilty for being so stupid for so long and not knowing what he probably thought. Like I said, I'm frustrated with myself and the situation...

Not to mention, I doubt I even care if the air is cleared, hes moved on to bigger, better and straighter friends.

 

[KaraBulut]

Yes, it is a dilemma. You can't win either way:

"Um.... I was lying about not remembering. It was you that I liked, so now go freak out because I have a crush on you."

versus

"You know how you thought I was talking about you when I talked about a crush on a guy. Are you kidding me? You? Really! There's no way I would ever have a crush on you!".

Probably the only thing worse than a straight guy thinking a gay guy has a crush on him is finding out that a gay guy doesn't think he's attractive.


Here's the problem: you haven't been honest. And when things started getting weird, you didn't talk to him about it. Your mother probably told you that two wrongs don't make a right and two lies don't make the truth. Mothers are smart that way.

My suggestion? Call him up and meet him for a drink or a bite to eat. Tell him that you miss the days when you were close and hung out together as friends. Ask him what changed and tell him that you want him to be honest, even if it is a little hurtful for you to hear.

Listen to what he has to say. Don't interrupt.

If you did something wrong, apologize.

If he says that he thought you had a crush on him, then be gentle and say something like, "Listen- I think you're a great guy and anyone would be lucky to have you but I had a thing for ____ who was on our team and I was embarassed to tell you that. I'm really sorry. I think of you as a close friend and nothing more and I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

And then hopefully, you both can move on.

 

[somedude987]

He's kind of a douchebag. He actually thought you loved him, and then stopped talking to you. So either he's always been a homophobe or he's someone that would give the cold shoulder to someone who he thinks loves him. I'd say it's his job to fix the relationship if it needs fixing, you didn't do anything wrong no matter what he thinks--maybe he even deserves it just for vainly assuming it was himself. Or, hey, maybe he's gay too and reallllly deep in the closet--you'd think all this time he would have at least told you he wasn't.