Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 16

[isuckmen]

So i just graduated last week... I am one of 3 gays at my little school...

There is me, my boyfriend (Taylor), and Tyler.

Taylor and I just graduated this year and Tyler is a Junior.

I'd call him my friend but we arent very close... but I got a call tonight.

he called me at 10 balling... He got outed... and his "Christian" parents are talking about how evil it is and how much of an abomination it is.

Thing is... He is a people pleaser, big time, and unfortunately has very little backbone.

They told him how he has ruined their lives and hes really a mess right now.

He knows hes gay deep down, he admitted to that, but he was thinking of trying to live his life in the closet and get married to a girl and all that shit... just to please them...

We talked for about 2.5 hrs...

I think I may have helped... I told him he was more than welcome to stay with Taylor and me until the dust settles, but he said it was okay and he'd make it... But I know there will be more tomorrow and we're afraid that if he tells them how he really feels he will be out on his ass. And he is soo afraid of that that he almost wants to just crawl into a hole until school starts... in 3 months...

Any ideas to help him?

 

[CSI_3Stokes]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

Yes. You are who you are. And nothing can change that.

 

[jubjub]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

Just be there for him. Let him know that there are still people that will stand by his side no matter what. If you think it is appropriate to do so, try to talk with his parents and explain the situation to them, after all he is their son and their love for him should be unconditional. It's a tough time for everyone, especially him, and he needs to know that there are people in the world who will accept him for who he is.

 

[volumee]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

Hey I live in vancouver too.. how small can hs get in vancouver anyway :S what highschool do you guys go to ? Nah im just joking you don't have to tell me if you don't want to
anyways, I don't think theres much Tyler can do about that.. some people in this world just hate gays.. I think all you can do is just be there for him and help him out until he graduates

 

[Just_Believe18]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

^ No, no. He lives in Vancouver, WASHINGTON. As in the state in the U.S.

You might be able to help Tyler a bit but may have to deal with crap from the parents. They are very emotional right now and they are going to freak out on multiple levels, especially if they find out he's staying with two gay guys. Fortunately, you are protected by the law. You are in the same age group as Tyler and don't have to worry about the parents being jerks on that level. But they do have legal jurisdiction over him. And if they tell you to back off, you have to.

 

[tonyboy]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

So i just graduated last week... I am one of 3 gays at my little school...

There is me, my boyfriend (Taylor), and Tyler.

Taylor and I just graduated this year and Tyler is a Junior.

I'd call him my friend but we arent very close... but I got a call tonight.

he called me at 10 balling... He got outed... and his "Christian" parents are talking about how evil it is and how much of an abomination it is.

Thing is... He is a people pleaser, big time, and unfortunately has very little backbone.

They told him how he has ruined their lives and hes really a mess right now.

He knows hes gay deep down, he admitted to that, but he was thinking of trying to live his life in the closet and get married to a girl and all that shit... just to please them...

We talked for about 2.5 hrs...

I think I may have helped... I told him he was more than welcome to stay with Taylor and me until the dust settles, but he said it was okay and he'd make it... But I know there will be more tomorrow and we're afraid that if he tells them how he really feels he will be out on his ass. And he is soo afraid of that that he almost wants to just crawl into a hole until school starts... in 3 months...

Any ideas to help him?

Not sure what the laws are in your country. If he is a minor under Canadian law I wouldn't be sure if you could let him stay with you without his parents doing something to hurt you and your partner.
Remember though you got his side of the story... could be his parents weren't as harsh as he made them out to be.
Of course I don't know.. he may have been accurate. But you just got his side of the story.
In Canada legal age could be younger than in the USA. But if not, and he is only 17 he is under his parents jurisdiction.
Just continue to be his friend. don't see how much more you could do.

I doubt very much that his folks will kick him out 'on his ass'.... could be he was just using that to scare you.
Keep an eye out for him. Be a buddy, but until he is legal age he needs to be with his parents.
And could also be that since he got 'outed' his parents were quite shocked.... possibly they didn't know how to react. They might just need a bit of time to think it though too.
Give them that time while you support your buddy through phone calls, etc.

 

[thermodynamics]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

I think you've already answered your question. Be there for him--some support, someone to talk to. If you're religious and have the courage to do so, then talk to his parents. You'd have to educate yourself on Leviticus and other usual arguments.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

You might suggest our sister site - Empty Closets. Lots of support there from people who have been there, and people who are still there.

Lex

 

[isuckmen]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

Just be there for him. Let him know that there are still people that will stand by his side no matter what. If you think it is appropriate to do so, try to talk with his parents and explain the situation to them, after all he is their son and their love for him should be unconditional. It's a tough time for everyone, especially him, and he needs to know that there are people in the world who will accept him for who he is.

I thought about trying to talk to them... but I dont think it would be a good idea, I'm way to hot headed. And I've met them, I'm not so sure how unconditional their love is, he is treated like the lesser child, he has a twin sister, and she is is like "The One" in their eyes...

Hey I live in vancouver too.. how small can hs get in vancouver anyway :S what highschool do you guys go to ? Nah im just joking you don't have to tell me if you don't want to
anyways, I don't think theres much Tyler can do about that.. some people in this world just hate gays.. I think all you can do is just be there for him and help him out until he graduates

We actually are 20mi north of Vancouver, WA... in La Center, WA

Remember though you got his side of the story... could be his parents weren't as harsh as he made them out to be.
Of course I don't know.. he may have been accurate. But you just got his side of the story.


I doubt very much that his folks will kick him out 'on his ass'.... could be he was just using that to scare you.
Keep an eye out for him. Be a buddy, but until he is legal age he needs to be with his parents.
And could also be that since he got 'outed' his parents were quite shocked.... possibly they didn't know how to react. They might just need a bit of time to think it though too.
Give them that time while you support your buddy through phone calls, etc.

I'm not even sure what to really say to this...

Um, I know how his parents are... I've had multiple opportunities to meet them, and I totally 100% believe him.

And my Dad would have put me "out on my ass" if I couldn't run back to moms. So yeah.

I think you've already answered your question. Be there for him--some support, someone to talk to. If you're religious and have the courage to do so, then talk to his parents. You'd have to educate yourself on Leviticus and other usual arguments.

I was born and raised as one of Jehovahs Witnesses....

I seem to be familiar with all the arguments BUT Leviticus.... time for studying I suppose...


I guess guys, I was more asking what I should/could offer in advice to the poor kid.

 

[megustamyn]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

You can find resources for gay youth in your area at http://www.gayvancouverwa.org/. Your friend will need support from people experienced in working with gay youth and their families.

 

[andy12]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

And he is soo afraid of that that he almost wants to just crawl into a hole until school starts... in 3 months...

Any ideas to help him?

That seems like wasting a perfectly good summer. Can you guys invite him along on a trip or two? I'm sure he'd appreciate it.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Friend was outed... its not good... hes only 1

>>>I guess guys, I was more asking what I should/could offer in advice to the poor kid.

Empty Closets is ideal. Not just for the kid, but for you, too. It's got lots of information on people in his spot, and information for people in your position. People who want to help out.

Lex