Friend...

[son1fan]

I really feel like killing myself now. I couldn't take not talking to anyone so I called him. It was so conforting. I just kept asking him why and he just set off a chain reaction. I really hate living like this. I really hate how one person can affect my life so much.

 

[Kulindahr]

I really feel like killing myself now. I couldn't take not talking to anyone so I called him. It was so conforting. I just kept asking him why and he just set off a chain reaction. I really hate living like this. I really hate how one person can affect my life so much.

Open a word processor.

Think of what he's done to piss you off or hurt you. Write down the first thing that comes to mind, and then write out how you feel about that. Don't worry about sentence structure, just let your feelings turn into words and get it down.

When you run out of steam, grab the next thing that comes to mind of how he's treated you badly; repeat the process as above.

After three of these, sit back and read them.

Then write as much as you can about what those things say about him as a person.




Just for fun.....


Calling him tonight was:

a) Really helpful
b) Boring as hell
c) Really stupid
d) Helped me relax
e) Just made me hurt more
f) Contributed to world peace


Choose as many as apply.

 

[son1fan]

I know I can but iv had it. I cant stand feeling like this. If I knew that he was going to be like this then I would of never been friends with him. I no longer feel happy about anything. I just need someone to talk to before I do something stupid.

 

[G-Lexington]

We're all here for you, man. Talk to US.

Lex

 

[Kulindahr]

I really feel like killing myself now.

Negatory.

Reasons to stay alive:

1. Piss off the people who don't like you.
2. Get to go to bars and get free drinks and get totally sloshed when you turn 21.
3. Have a chance to win the lottery.
4. Live to see the day that we all get to enjoy our inherent right of freedom of association, and get all the same benefits and privileges under the law that married people now do.
5. Find out you're tougher than you think.

I couldn't take not talking to anyone so I called him.

Actually... you could have. You do have the strength.

It was so conforting. I just kept asking him why and he just set off a chain reaction. I really hate living like this. I really hate how one person can affect my life so much.

It was a fantasy -- believe me. Getting "comfort" out of a conversation with someone who's been treating you like trash is living in the past -- you weren't getting good feelings from talking to him in the present, you were pretending for that little while that things hadn't changed, and importing the feelings from before.
In a way, that's lying to yourself.

Now if you really, really do "hate how one person can affect [your] life so much", then don't let him. When you have the urge to call him, announce out loud, "I don't need that hypocrite. I don't need someone who treats me like crap."

Then repeat what I said in my post just above.

 

[son1fan]

Its different. I really want to talk to someone face to face or over the phone. I just don't want to do something i'll regret. I feel like im at a lower point than where I was a year ago.

I can't help but love him. He was my first real relationship. I just want to live in those memories forever. He called me a creep because I like being around him and that hurt the most.

 

[Kulindahr]

Its different. I really want to talk to someone face to face or over the phone. I just don't want to do something i'll regret. I feel like im at a lower point than where I was a year ago.

Son1, I strongly recommend that in the morning you go find a local clinic that's free or close to it. Tell them you think you may have seasonal depression, and need to talk to someone.
I can think of three different meds that could help you right now, but I'm not going to suggest any because I'm not licensed for that. And don't hesitate because you think meds are a crutch; they're no more a crutch than clothes on a ski slope -- they're tools for dealing with your life environment.
GO!

I can't help but love him. He was my first real relationship. I just want to live in those memories forever. He called me a creep because I like being around him and that hurt the most.

Dude, you do NOT want to live in those memories -- at all.

Did you ever watch Star Trek DS9? There's an episode where a main character finally realizes he's been living in the past, and has to let go to grow. So long as you cling to those memories and want to live in them, you're living in the past.

I did it for three years. When I finally broke loose, my life was a shambles, and I was a shambles.


Talk it out here, and say goodbye to the memories. Then, next time you face him, lay the truth on him and tell him goodbye.
Personally, I'd feel like telling him to grow up -- and if he calls you a creep again, go for it, because that's his trouble. He's living a fantasy of his own, and part of his way of feeding that fantasy so he can feel okay about himself is using you. When he treats you like crap, he's making himself feel better -- and when he doesn't, he's doing the same thing. None of it is for you, any more. The friendship is already dead; give it a funeral and be done with it.

 

[son1fan]

Well he tells me to grow up and start making new friends.

 

[Kulindahr]

Well he tells me to grow up and start making new friends.

On that, he's right.

Ever had somebody so into you they drove you crazy, clinging to you?
That's what you're doing to him. It might be that treating you like crap is his way of trying to get rid of the feeling of having a leech stuck to him.

I know it isn't fun -- but lose him.

 

[son1fan]

I guess I have to but now I feel like I don't have anyone to confine in anymore. I just want a friend who will always be a good friend and will treat me right.

 

[G-Lexington]

Friends aren't found.
They're created.

Lex

 

[Kulindahr]

I guess I have to but now I feel like I don't have anyone to confine in anymore. I just want a friend who will always be a good friend and will treat me right.

We all want that.
Many of us on JUB will treat you right, as much as possible via words through electrons.

Friends aren't found.
They're created.

Lex

Um... some of each.

 

[G-Lexington]

You can find someone who might become a friend, but they don't immediately become a friend just because you've found them.

...but Kul is right. You appear to be beyond the "I'd just like someone to talk to" phase. You're desperate enough to call a person you sounded like you weren't going to call again just a few hours ago. It's time to take the next step. Go to your doctor, or a clinic, and discuss the possibility that you're suffering from depression.

Lex

 

[son1fan]

So I went to his house today for the whole day and basically chilled and everything came together. He's gay(though still denying it) and he has a crush on this one guy who just came out. I read him like a book and he denied it but I can tell when he's lying(he smiles and makes a million excuses).

Even though I found out, i'm still super depressed about the situation like why can't we be together now? I can't not stop loving him because I also love him as a friend but I also really want to go further. I think that if we went at it this time around, it would go better than when we first tried.

 

[son1fan]

Irealized that tonight though we still fool around(you know, JO, BJ and the occasional attempt at ANAL). I'm just a bit upset but I guess i'm glad that he's opening up. He's trying to go after someone who has a boyfriend though. I don't really want to see him hurt.

 

[G-Lexington]

I think I'm done contributing to this thread.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

Occasionally, we get posters who ask for advice and then continue to pursue self-destructive behaviors in contradiction to any and all advice that they have been given.

That's where you're at in this thread.

This isn't a friendship.
This isn't a relationship of equals.

You continue to be a doormat and a cumrag for this guy. You are sacrificing a little bit of your self-esteem with every interaction with this guy. As long as you continue to persist in this self-destructive behaviors, you will remain in a pattern of depression, feelings of lack of self-worth and you will be unhappy and unsatisfied.

This is not a situation that you created, however it is a situation that you continue to allow and encourage. The ball is in your court. You can end the situation or you can just continue in your current pattern. The choice is yours.

 

[son1fan]

Well I told two other people that im bi so now atleast I have to other people to talk to. One was like "OMG NO WAY REALLY" and the other was like "I KINDA KNEW IT".

 

[Kulindahr]

So I went to his house today for the whole day and basically chilled and everything came together. He's gay(though still denying it) and he has a crush on this one guy who just came out. I read him like a book and he denied it but I can tell when he's lying(he smiles and makes a million excuses).

Even though I found out, i'm still super depressed about the situation like why can't we be together now? I can't not stop loving him because I also love him as a friend but I also really want to go further. I think that if we went at it this time around, it would go better than when we first tried.

You're setting yourself up, I'd say, to be smashed down hard. One great day -- and next time he treats you like crap, what happens to you?

Your last line...
Don't get your hopes up. Don't allow yourself any hope at all. He's trashed on you before; odds are he'll do it again -- so no hope, no expectations; there's no point in climbing somewhere high to fall from.

 

[Kulindahr]

Irealized that tonight though we still fool around(you know, JO, BJ and the occasional attempt at ANAL). I'm just a bit upset but I guess i'm glad that he's opening up. He's trying to go after someone who has a boyfriend though. I don't really want to see him hurt.

Wait -- he's not admitting to being gay, or at least bi, and you guys are into sex?
I don't think you told us this before.

Occasionally, we get posters who ask for advice and then continue to pursue self-destructive behaviors in contradiction to any and all advice that they have been given.

That's where you're at in this thread.

This isn't a friendship.
This isn't a relationship of equals.

You continue to be a doormat and a cumrag for this guy. You are sacrificing a little bit of your self-esteem with every interaction with this guy. As long as you continue to persist in this self-destructive behaviors, you will remain in a pattern of depression, feelings of lack of self-worth and you will be unhappy and unsatisfied.

This is not a situation that you created, however it is a situation that you continue to allow and encourage. The ball is in your court. You can end the situation or you can just continue in your current pattern. The choice is yours.

Son1, he's right. From all you've told us before, he's just using you -- and wants to keep using you. A happy day with you is a way to keep you around, so he can get some more sex from you and pretend he's not gay. And you're acting like... well, not quite a slave, but closer to that than to a self-owned human being.

The fact that you had your happy day but still feel depressed should tell you one thing, anyway -- get your ass to a clinic (most states have free ones if you can't pay) and get assessed for Seasonal Affective Disorder or other manifestations of depression.
Soon.