Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being Gay

[Fishstix]

Have you ever had friends or family members be embarassed when they found out you're gay? People who are not homophobic but are just nervous and scared about how other people would react to it. Maybe they grew up around homophobes and don't want to displease them even though it's not them who are gay.

What was your attitude towards it? Did you say fuck you, I'm done with you until you grow some balls and stand by me like I've always did for you? Did you give it some time thinking or knowing they'd eventually get used to it?

It seems like a lot of people are only homophobic because everyone else around them is otherwise they wouldn't give a fuck. Although they loose a lot of respect from me for being sheep, sometimes It's hard for me to hate them when I know deep down that they don't really hate me for it while other times I just want to kick their asses everytime they say stupid things.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

I've never had anyone overtly like this. I have no doubt that a few members of my family had these thoughts for a while. But they all got over it, especially once they met my partner, who was so cool anybody would want to lay claim to him. It didn't take them that long, and so I just let them figure it out on their own. Mentioning things like "I was talking to Fred (a straight, heavy-metal freak) about meeting new guys..." made them realize that other people weren't having any issue with it, so they didn't need to, either.

Lex

 

[Nerd12]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

Hmm, I've (unfortunately) had one instance in which my (former) best friend steered away from me because I came out to him. He thought it was weird.

I don't think I've been in a situation like how you described though. I'm not flamboyant at all so to people that don't know I'm gay, I come off as being straight unless I, or someone else, ends up saying something.

There is one friend though, who, despite coming out to him a little over 3 years ago, he still asks me how things are going with the "girls". He asked me once in front of my brother and my brother does know I'm gay and he's totally cool with it but it's just that we don't discuss and I like that. I feel comfortable with my brother and I not speaking about it but when my friend asked me about the girls in front of my brother, it put me in such an awkward spot so all I had to say was "Yeah, going great!" as sarcastic as possible.

It does piss me off a bit...

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

Better - "It's going great! One of them set me up with her brother!"

Lex

 

[darkdreamerx]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

Here's the weird thing, friends/family take it in stride, it's the closet cases I've dated that make a big deal about it. Homophobia is overexaggerated, many gay men feel shame where no shame is necessary.

I think this is true.

 

[Eagle653]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

I worded it kinda funny, to go with the topic, it's other gay men who are embarrassed about being gay, friends/family aren't embarrassed by it, heteros are more accepting of homosexuality than we give them credit for. In many cases the fear/embarrassment/shame gay men feel about their orientation and their gay peers is unjusftified.

I have to agree completely and this has been my experience over and over again. In fact, when push comes to shove, people care more about themselves than anything else. Our sexuality is important to US, as anyone's is to them. But, it rarely registers more than a blimp on someone else's radar for long.

88Nutz--I'm not sure I understand your original post. Have you had bad experiences with those close to you finding out you're gay, or are you making a general observation about perceived homophobia out there? If the former, tell us more; if the latter, I agree with your assessment!

 

[Mysterons]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

I get what 88Nutz said. I'm not out yet so nobody feels ashamed of me -yet- but what I see around me is that people are cool with gays provided that they 'are away'. I don't know how to explain it... it's as though they talked about homosexuality as something that happens to 'others'. They'd never conceive the idea of someone they know being gay.

And I don't think embarrassment is that unjustified, at least where I live. People pride themselves on being 'liberal' and 'open minded', but still use the word 'fag' as an insult and can't help making jokes if the topic is brought up in a conversation. That -together with the usual stereotypes seen in the media- seems enough for me to feel ashamed.

 

[kramer362]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

I get what 88Nutz said. I'm not out yet so nobody feels ashamed of me -yet- but what I see around me is that people are cool with gays provided that they 'are away'. I don't know how to explain it... it's as though they talked about homosexuality as something that happens to 'others'. They'd never conceive the idea of someone they know being gay.

And I don't think embarrassment is that unjustified, at least where I live. People pride themselves on being 'liberal' and 'open minded', but still use the word 'fag' as an insult and can't help making jokes if the topic is brought up in a conversation. That -together with the usual stereotypes seen in the media- seems enough for me to feel ashamed.

You are right. People like to act open-minded but still say fag, but that's because chances are no one has been openly gay that they know. To them it's an issue that exists and they may support (gay rights), but since they don't know anyone who's gay (so they think) it's an issue outside their own world, allowing them to openly make jokes. These are the type of people though, that most likely will stop this behavior for the most part when they realize a friend or family member is in fact gay.

It's shitty that the typified masculine behavior has to include mocking gay guys in order to gain status as a manly guy, since chances are everyone knows a closeted gay or bisexual person who has to listen to this. But they don't know any better, or that it could happen to anyone, until someone right in front of their face comes out.

 

[Ninja108]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

If they're ashamed/embarrassed by you, then they are homophobic. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of.

 

[syoBsUtsuJ]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

I just turned 26 last month, and my mother is still successfully deluding herself into believing that I am merely just going through a phase. But hey, in her defense, we all do as we do until we learn better. I supposed being devoutly Catholic and having me as being her only son out of five children just might play a large role in that.

Other than that, all of my friends are kewl with me; yet, one sister adopts a 'tude sometimes when I am meeting her new boyfriend or friend. Lol ... oh welts, such is life, so "GET OVER IT!"

 

[Mitsukuni]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

The only person in my family who knows I'm gay is my brother, and he is cool about it and I love him for that. I sometimes cringe when I hear my mom, or aunt make homophobic remarks. I can only imagine how they would react if they knew I was gay. The other day I was in the car with my aunt and some crazy driver cut me off and kept changing lanes like a maniac. To which I said Why do people speed like crazy lunatics. My aunt out of nowhere said " maybe it's because the husband only time to fuck his lover and has to make it back home before his wife does." I just stayed silent and quickly changed the conversation.

She is my favorite aunt and to hear her say things like that hurts me.

 

[kramer362]

Re: Friends/Family Who Are Embarassed By You Being

The only person in my family who knows I'm gay is my brother, and he is cool about it and I love him for that. I sometimes cringe when I hear my mom, or aunt make homophobic remarks. I can only imagine how they would react if they knew I was gay. The other day I was in the car with my aunt and some crazy driver cut me off and kept changing lanes like a maniac. To which I said Why do people speed like crazy lunatics. My aunt out of nowhere said " maybe it's because the husband only time to fuck his lover and has to make it back home before his wife does." I just stayed silent and quickly changed the conversation.

She is my favorite aunt and to hear her say things like that hurts me.

Sorry but your favorite aunt sounds like an idiot