Friends...or Something Else?

[The_Reaper]

Alright, so I don't have much experience in this issue, which is why I am presenting my case here to my fellow JUBers. I am trying to be as impartial, and non-biased, as possible so that I can present an objective case, but I could be wrong.

I've recently met a fellow twice in the last week. We met online, and the night we did, we ended up having a six hour conversation ranging from our lives in general and random Simpsons/Futurama quoting. After that conversation, we had another one within a day or two which lasted about three or four hours, again mostly same content.

Last Wednesday we managed to meet in person and ended up spending about six hours together; we watched Monty Python's 'The Life of Brian', played massive amounts of 'Left 4 Dead', and then I took him home.

During our time together, there was no 'contact'. We sat with a cushion of space between us on the couch, but did seem to be comfortable with each other to a degree.

Now, this is where some conflict may arise.

During my tour of the unit in which I live, which ended in the bedroom, he did seem to linger within it for a few moments. He even seemed for a moment that he was going to sit down on the bed, but he didn't and then we ended up back in the living room.

After killing more zombies; and the time being around midnight, he asked what else we should do. There was that somewhat 'open' interpretation of 'what next', at least in my mind.

And as I recall, he did seem to say 'so, you can take me home or...' and just stopped on that, but quietly. I did proceed to take him home though, and dropped him off without issue (hug/handshake/kiss/etc)

We talked for about 30 minutes on MSN afterwards, before he signed off for bed.

The next day, I didn't hear from him at all, but on Friday I sent him a message through facebook suggesting we get together on Saturday for dinner or something else. He explained he had plans for Saturday, but that we could get in an early dinner.

So, we did. We talked more about school and our hometowns; separated the cheques (although, I did offer to pay for the entire meal, since I was the one to ask him out), and then I proceeded to drop him off again without issue.

Now, he's back home until New Years, so I shant be seeing him before then.

However, my question is purely a simple one:

Should I be considering these meetings a meeting between friends or a date? We never actually specified what exactly we were doing, which I suppose may be a problem in itself...

So, I ask all of you, since you're likely far more experienced in these types of things than I.

Were these dates or not?

 

[sixthson]

Why not throw caution to the wind and just ask him out. That way you will know it is a date. Then get a little closer to him and actually touch, see how he reacts.
It doesn't sound like you have anything to lose. He liked you well enough to see you twice, whether it be friendship or more, you might as well take a chance.

People who tend to overthink things (like you) are really trying to live tomorrow, today...something you can't do.
Enjoy each time you are with him, let him know, by actions or words, that you are interested in him.

 

[Treborf]

They were dates and the dude wants to fool around with you - he's just waiting for the go-ahead from you.

 

[KaraBulut]

In all those hours and hours of conversations, did you happen to mention that you like-a-the-weiner?

 

[paboy67]

Reaper, don't analyze too much.

If you spend all day thinking about whether you should smell the roses, they will fade and die before you can.

You haven't said, but I take it from the hug/handshake/kiss goodbye that this guy is gay? and therefore he knows that you are? If so, first hurdle over.

When you next see him, try looking into his eyes or put your hand on his leg. See what reaction you get - if he is gay you are hardly going to cop it from him for making a move - and you might even 'cop it' in a good way It really sounds like he is throwing out hints that he is interested.

if you sense a connection then there probably is one - looks and feelings like this can be electric. Some enchanted evening,you may see a stranger - across a crowded room.....and somehow you'll know. (Sorry, but Rodgers & Hammerstein can always be relied upon for good advice

Please keep us posted - I want to know what transpires.

 

[The_Reaper]

I think I need to clarify a few things.

Yes, he is gay and we're both well aware of each other.

We didn't kiss/hug/handshake/etc...Which is why I'm still partly confused as to whether this was a friendship thing or something more than that.


And also, since I'm analyzing...I get the partial feeling that he may, kinda, sorta, maybe being avoiding me. I have no real proof to back this up other than seeing him less on MSN now since we've met in person...And combined with the fact that he's online on his website account, but not on MSN...Which makes me wonder, blah blah blah blah...

So, yeah....

 

[paboy67]

bugger

OK, don't chase him, take it easy and see what happens.

sorry

 

[KaraBulut]

In all those hours and hours of conversations, did you happen to mention that you like-a-the-weiner?

Yes, he is gay and we're both well aware of each other.

We didn't kiss/hug/handshake/etc...Which is why I'm still partly confused as to whether this was a friendship thing or something more than that.

Well, it's a good thing that everyone has their cards on the table on the weiner issue.

Let's play out the other possible scenarios...

1. He was looking for a hookup. It didn't work out that way.... or...
   
2. He was hoping you would make the first move. He interpreted your lack of action as you weren't interested.... or....
   
3. He's as confused about you as you are about him...or...
   
4. He's looking for a friend to hangout with when he doesn't have anything else to do.

What next?

Well, do you want a friend or something more?

Some of the cards are on the table but not all of them. Once you decide whether you're looking for a friendship, a fuckbuddy or a relationship- have a talk with him.

The shortest distance between two points is always a straight line. You won't know what he's thinking/feeling unless he tells you. If you want to know, ask him. But be prepared to come clean on what you want- it's only fair.

 

[slickery]

I would also recommend in your next conversation that you just say what you want. Although it might be too late now, but you never know.

Stop analysing every encounter, and just act. You are the one doing the inviting, so he's leaving it on you to make the first move. When you don't make a move it's confusing him, I know I would be confused if someone kept inviting me out and never made a move. You've already defined your initial roles by inviting him out, so let him know what you want.