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friends post break up?

Can you stay friends with a guy you've been with?

  • absolutely!! Always do!

    Votes: 2 5.7%

  • Generally yes, but every once in a while it doesn't work

    Votes: 13 37.1%

  • 50/50 shot

    Votes: 8 22.9%

  • generally doesn't happen, but here and there it works

    Votes: 11 31.4%

  • Never!! It's a sin!

    Votes: 1 2.9%
  • Total voters
    35
jockboy01

jockboy01

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Just curious about this. How many of you have stayed friends with guys after breaking up? I just recently broke up with a guy... I don't even know you could say we were together really, but whatever.... and he doesn't want anything to do with me. I find this to be a bit strange (esp considering it wasn't even a long "relationship"). So I thought I'd start a poll.
 
It depends on the relationship/friendship beforehand.

Were he and I good friends before, then it'll be easier after a break-up.

Though, I wouldn't say friends. I remain cordial. I have better luck remaining friends with friends whom I screw once in a while.
 
Well...

I only have 1 Ex...

We Stay friends -- He even stops by to visit with my current BF occasionally ...

My past hooks ups???

My preference would be to stay friends...:D

Its not ONLY my decision though....:confused:
 
generally doesn't happen, but here and there it works

I am actually quite close to an ex, however we broke off about 15 years ago and we didn't see eachother for about 7 years. I think you need to make the break from eachother for a period of time before friendship is possible
 
I would agree brian_1, depending on how long you've been together. And on the terms of the break up. This was a very short term thing... like we went out less than a dozen times. I mean, I wouldn't even call it a relationship.
 
I only have one ex. Our friendship was kinda strange to begin with, and the relationship only made it more so. I did my damnedest to remain friends afterwards, but he made it quite difficult. Basically would not talk to me (no phone call, no e-mail) for eight or nine months, and then call up out of the blue and want to be best friends again...until he'd kick in the silent treatment again. Finally I just said, "Screw it" and stopped talking to him. That's a very specific situation, though. Had he been, well, more NORMAL about things, I think we could've been friends. Probably not GOOD friends, but friends.

Lex
 
it only works for me, if the relationship ended on decent terms. if there is any kind of bitterness or resentment then no. i do see myself being friends with my ex.
 
Well, with my ex, we were never friends first. We went for a date and then got into a relationship. So when it was all over, and after I got over it all and was okay enough to be his friend for real, I found that we didn't have much in terms of history t cement a good friendship. So we're more of acquaintances.
 
I'm on speaking terms with every guy I've ever dated or had sex with. Well, there was one one-night stand who totally ignored me when he ran into me later, but he's certainly the exception. I've never had a boyfriend before though, so I can't speak to staying friends with a true ex.

Some of these guys are definitely friends that I still see often, but most I've just sort of lost touch with since we don't really travel in the same circles or frequent the same places I guess. We're friendly when we run into each other, but don't necessarily actively seek to hang out with each other. Other guys I've actually become much better friends with after being involved with them and have sought out their platonic company at times.

I know that some of my friends (who I've never been involved with sexually or romantically) have a much harder time with this though. One good friend in particular really likes to keep his sex/dating life separate from his friends. Either you're a friend OR there's romance/sex. He doesn't integrate old tricks into his circle of friends nor sleep with or date guys he's already friends with. I find it kind of unhealthy at times, but it works better for him. He claims it reduces the amount of drama in his life. Some guys just find it hard or even impossible to merge those two worlds and would rather keep things separate and simple. For me, I don't have the same trouble with keeping all those worlds separated. If one kind of relationship didn't work out, that doesn't mean one of a different nature won't.

I've found that usually at least one party has to push the friendship out of the past situation. That means pushing past the awkwardness and showing that there's still genuine interest in maintaining some sort of platonic relationship. Inviting a guy out to a group event (like hitting up the bars or seeing a movie or going hiking) might be better than doing something 1-on-1 that's too much like dating.

I think it's best to stay on good terms with guys you've been involved with if at all possible. The gay world even in larger cities is so small that you never know if your next boyfriend will be a good friend of one of your past flings.
 
Generally not with long term relationships but definitely with short ones, the kind you are talking about.

Give him time. He may need some space to get over you and its in your best interest that he do.
 
Yeah, I mean, I'm giving him time. I told him that basically the burden to communicate is on him since he's the one that doesn't want any. But I don't expect him to ever call or talk to me again. I agree that if one type of relationship doesn't work out, it doesn't mean that another won't. I have friends now who I thought I'd like romantically but ultimately it didn't work for whatever reason. And at least one is a great friend. Like I said though, it's his call. He knows my stance.

The poll has been interesting though... very equally split
 
absolutely!! Always do!
Generally yes, but every once in a while it doesn't work
50/50 shot
generally doesn't happen, but here and there it works
Never!! It's a sin!


OKAY!! In reality their is only 3 questions.

"'Generally yes, but every once in a while it doesn't work" and "generally doesn't happen, but here and there it works" Is the same thing as "50/50 shot".
 
I'm always open to it and usually successful at it, but sometimes it takes a cooling off period.

If you leave the burden on him then the chances are good that you'll never hear from him again. Invite him for coffee or something in a couple of months when the feelings aren't as raw.
 
billybob109,

OBVIOUSLY, I disagree or I would have only put three choices. Yes, no and sometimes doesn't delineate out as much info as the five choices. And the two ones you think should be eliminated have the MOST responses... therefore, it's not the same as a 50/50 in a lot of people's minds.

3nipples, honestly, I don't need the headache. He's made his desire not to see/hear from me quite clear and I don't know that I want a friend like that.
 
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