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From 0 to 3: From loneliness to choices...

Just_Believe18

of the 99%
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As you know, I recently posted a thread seeking advice here:
http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=218628

This gives you a good perspective of where I stand and Guy #1. So, basically, over the last week, I've gone from 0 prospective guys to 3. All of these months, I've been seeking someone and now there's three options. Here's the breakdown:

Guy #1 (E-) 26 - red-head - graduate student - world traveler - distance limited
Guy #2 (J-) 24 - tall blonde - go-go dancer - wants to go to college - circumstantial limited
Guy #3 (A-) 19 - tall brunette - college Freshmen - time limited

E- : Mentioned in the previous thread, E- is someone I've liked. We've met a few times and made out before he left. I told him I had a crush on him, and he likes me too. But he went on a trip last week and won't be back until the following week. I've asked him to call me whenever he gets a chance, and although I've received a few text replies back, I haven't been called. I took your guys' advice and decided not to worry about wanting a relationship with him even though I like and relate a lot to him. We never "talked" or decided we were "seeing" each other about dating. So I've moved on in the meantime.

J- : So J- is an interesting one. He's a go-go dancer without the stereotypes. He's smart, and like the other two guys, is a self-described "nerd" when it comes to movies and games. He wants to go to college but I get the vibe that it isn't going to happen. He's nice and says he doesn't like to hook-up although he admits he's had a past (but clean). He has atrocious eating habits (Taco Bell, McDonalds everyday) and I fear he will balloon once his metabolism slows. I've known J- before the other two, but the first time we were suppose to hang out, he flaked on me. But, the other night he asked me to come over and I obliged. We watched Family Guy for awhile and then, since we both had sore backs, decided to give each other back massages. Before I came, he texted me he wanted to kiss me, I told him I wasn’t coming for that purpose and a massage is all I had in mind. This worked fine. We chatted and had random conversations while massaging each other’s backs. It was fun. Then we just laid down on his mattress (its on the floor, erm) and chatted about his pictures on the wall. Then he touches my nipple (which he knows is very sensitive to me). My eyes close, and I accept his touch. After all, it was just my nipple. After awhile, he leans over and kisses me. I was kind of surprised. We’re talking beautifully soft, thick lips. I’ve never felt anything like it. So he kisses me again and again. I didn’t want to rush into anything but it was hard to pull away. He kept going further (undoing my zipper with his teeth), and I told him once, “I don’t know. I don’t want to rush things” So he stopped and said “Its okay. We don’t have to do anything.” But then we started kissing again and he finished taking off my pants… It felt so nice, and the way he’d stare at me with those green eyes weakened my restraint. To keep things in control, I decided a mutual “happy ending” to the massage would suffice. And it worked. I stayed a little longer and then needed to leave since it was almost 2:30 in the morning. He really liked seeing me. I think he’s nice too, but there were a couple things that bothered me. Aside from his very messy room (minor but meh), his closet was open with three prescription bottles on the top shelf. I didn’t snoop, but couldn’t help but wonder if they were related to the scars on his left wrist. He had one wide deep vertical one and two reddish horizontal ones. So I know there’s some issues there.

A- : A- lives very close to me. Technically, I actually know him longer than J-. Several months ago, we messaged back and forth online but never really clicked because I was phasing out of my first relationship and he was heading far away for college. Recently, I found out he was back in town and started messaging him again. He invited me over for lunch today. He actually cooked me a delicious chicken sandwich all by himself. Although E- and J- are attractive, A- is obviously a very cute college Freshmen. He’s grown out his hair, and has this tall, skaterboyish look. Likewise, he shares similar interests in games and movies and we talked for a long time outside his porch just enjoying the sunny weather and lunch (he has the house to himself while the folks are away.) He had to come back home until he can afford another year of college. He intends to stay in the area for a year before heading back or going somewhere different that’s far away. I was kind of disappointed to hear this as it reminded me of E-‘s situation. Later, he asks me if I’m doing anything later and I told him I had no plans. So he asks me if I’d like to stay and watch his favorite standup comedian. I agree, and we go inside to the den to watch. I sit on the couch while he loads up the film. Then he sat very close beside me where our arms and legs were touching. The show was funny and we were laughing all the way through it. Then, at one point, he took my hand and held it. I thought to myself, “Oh boy, here we go again.” I never make the moves, these boys just grab me :P So there we are, holding hands, sitting close together. Then when a part of the show ends, he suddenly turns to me and kisses me. Again, I was surprised by the sudden move. I wasn’t expecting him to be so forward. We continue watching, but sitting so close that we’re almost cuddling. Then he kisses me again and doesn’t stop this time. The clip ends, and he has me on the couch, kissing me all over my lips, neck, and ears. I can’t help but kiss and wrap my arms around him too. He takes off his shirt (pierced nipples, btw) and continues to make out on top of me. Then he pulls me up, takes me by the hand, and leads me to his room. We didn’t go all the way but it was amazing. Wow, is all I can say. It restored my confidence in how I could please someone and he, with some coaching, was great himself. Afterwards, we just held each other, warm and perspiring over each other. He wants to see me anytime tomorrow and has the whole week available.


There’s more of an analysis I can write about all three of them, but I thought I’d stop here for now and give you a chance to provide your thoughts about each one. I will not play the field on them, and ultimately, I am choosing which one to see and keep the others simply as platonic friends. I will not do what that other guy who was seeing someone else did to me.
 
I'd bang them all.

Paralyzed by choice.

But I think that A is likely going to be the best overall match for you for the moment.

I wouldn't stop window shopping though.

You'll know when the right guy is in front of you because you won't even have to ask for an opinion.
 
Well, I have an idea of the right one but I still wanted to see what your opinions were, nonetheless. ;)
 
you hardly have a dilemma, more like incredible opportunities! 3 nice options. as rareboy said hit it
 
First, it's only been a week. There's no need to rush in and I don't see anything wrong with continuing to date (i.e., getting to better know) all of them for the time being. This is not the Dating Game where you have to choose one lucky guy at the end of the show ;)

That said, it seems to me like pretty much all of these guys have major deal breakers of some form. Distance, lack of drive/emotional issues and an interest in placing education ahead of love for now are all a pretty big deal for most people. Yes, they're all hot and sweet, but in the end that may not be enough. Don't give up yet, but just keep in mind that these aren't the only three guys out there and that you don't have to choose exactly one of them. It may be perfectly reasonable once you get to know them better to choose none of them at all and continue your search.
 
IMO?

You're waaaay over thinking all of this, and waaay over analyzing your choices here.

What are you doing?

You're not picking out tomatoes, or melons at the market. [-X

You appear to be picking out a "life-partner."

And, as a result, are opening yourself up to heart ache.

I wonder how much of the intimacy that's taken place with you and these three guys, is based upon what they think that you expect from them.

Remember what I posted in your other thread? If you don't know where you are going, any road will take you there.

(*8*)

Congrats on the two new additional "choices!"

It proves that you're everything that I know that you are; attractive, intelligent, and that you have a lot going for you as a person.

You deserve more than what's behind doors A-, E-, and J-. :)

mi dos centavos
 
Uhm can't say I read that post coz I didn't but I got the Cliff's Notes. A 4gy sounds like the answer.
 
woah JB, slow down. You mentioned in the other thread that you really do need a relationship and want to be in one again ASAP. But believe me - rushing into one will not help. Step on the brake for a while. How long has it been since you and your LTR bf broke up? Definitely go out, enjoy yourself, date men and whatever. But you should not look at everyone only in terms of how he might be potentially relationship-worthy.
Imho a relationship has to develop, it's nothing that you should plan in advance.
 
I thought I'd provide an update and clarify some things.

I've been seeing A- every day. I have been taking it slow and just enjoying our time each day. Last night, he invited me over to sleep at his house after he worked all day. We didn't do anything, I came over, we got into bed and I cuddled him to sleep.

Also yesterday, the topic about his temporary return to home came up. He was excited about one of the colleges he was thinking of applying to next. He looked at me and said, "It is a billion miles away though... But you know, a lot can happen in a year." In other words, his ideal interests are long distance but hinted those plans can change if the right guy comes along. Which brings me to what happened today.

We spent a lot of time together today. I took him to The Hulk (much better than Ang Lee's, btw) and then to a small restaurant afterwards. Towards the end of dinner he said he wanted to talk to me about something. I said sure. He said he would like to take things to the next level and start a relationship. He also wanted to assure that although he still had sentimental feelings for his ex, he would never leave me and go back to him*. I was touched by his openness and honesty because the thought never even crossed my mind. I told him I felt the same way, and would like to date him and call him my boyfriend too. So yeah :) We spent the rest of the evening at his house watching a movie with one of his girlfriends.

I feel as if I'm finding my happiness again. I feel so... good that I don't know what to do with myself. I had no idea how bad my past relationship affected my psyche. It literally put me in a mindset where I was apathetic and expectant of disappointment. And I suppose day after day of that created a numbness I wasn't even aware of. But now, I feel animated and hopeful. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm not going to hold back from enjoying someone if I'm afraid it's not going to be "forever." Who knows what can happen in a year. Maybe I've found someone truly special.

[*Note: Before he left to college the first time, he was in a relationship for several months. They tried to do the long-distance thing and it didn't work out. The ex decided to move on, move farther away, and was seeing a new person. So the two of them did not get back together when he came home.]


In other news, E- is coming back from his trip tomorrow. He never did call me at any point in his trip. I'll call him tomorrow to say hi. I still want to be his friend and hope he still wants to be just friends. Usually guys lose interest in hanging out with you when you're dating someone else.
 
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