Fuck buddy situation

[ncboy85]

I'll try not to be too long-winded...I've just started coming out and meeting guys in the last year or so, only done anything with a few...in my "exploration" stage so to speak. After a brief relationship I met a guy who I would call a fuck buddy as we had drinks/hungout the first time we met but ever since I just go there, we have sex and leave.

Here's the problem: After finding out I had two hookups with guys I found online, (nothing past oral but still) he confronted me about it and said "it's not cool" and he may stop being involved with me if I have sex with other guys. So I ask him why I have to limit it to just him if all we are is fuck buddies. He proceeds to tell me he isn't interested in a relationship but friends/friends w/benefits would be cool...mind you as soon as we have sex he has had NO interest in talking anymore or ever hanging out as friends.

Am I right to tell him he has no business telling me when/who to have sex with, or is he right to say I shouldn't be messing around while we're still seeing each other? After all, I prefer to be with just one guy but what I really want is a committed boyfriend. Until I have one, is it not ok to want (safe) sex more than twice a month (which is about what this guy gives me)?? I feel like he is just using me as his toy when HE is horny and that's why he has this excuse.

 

[Rolyo85]

You're totally right. Possessive douchebag can go shoot himself.

You need as mush sex as you need and there's no right or wrong quantity (unless it's an addiction). I need sex daily.

But even if you needed sex once every ten years, he has absolutely no business being jealous if he isn't committing to anything but fucking.

 

[jensu846]

he is either very insecure or jealous. I have been in a similar situation with fuck buds and I have found it best to not tell them about it. I have flat out lied to about it to avoid confrontation. Plus, its none of his business. If his dick isnt involved, then he has no right asking about your hookups. Now, if your are dating, then thats a different story. Ask him if he wants a serious relationship with you, and if he says no, then you have every right to play the field.

 

[shastamc24]

Yeah, I don't understand why he would be angry. You aren't dating...

 

[hotnerdsex]

Queens hate to share anything...especially a cock!

 

[Lefty]

You ID'd him half right...

He is a Fuck----but Not a Bud.

He is acting and talking ownership...we did emancipation here many years ago.

Blow him...and I mean Blow Him Off. How are you going to experience growth

or learn anything bottled up and set omn the shelf like aspirin in a bottle waiting

for his next headache (sex surge)

You know this, don't ask...DO.

 

[altlover85]

Did you ever ask him why it wasn't okay for you to have sex with other people or why he isn't hanging out with you much past having sex?

Ulitmately, I would move on from this guy, but if you wanted to learn something from the experience, I might ask him those questions over coffee or in a public place.

 

[HunterM]

Fuck buddy is an open relationship. He appears to be very controlling. Drop him. Find someone else.

 

[bananagoof]

Here's a question I'm surprised nobody else has asked - is he just concerned about STIs, STDs and other things you can catch and pass on to him, if you're having sex with multiple partners?

The guy may simply be wanting to agree upon a situation where you have sex only with each other at the present. I could be completely wrong, of course, but it seems possible...

 

[HunterM]

Is your fuck buddy fucking anyone else besides you.

 

[Seasoned]

He's free to have sex with you or not as you are with him. You each have the power to break it off. The only person we can control is ourselves. If he's not will to stop seeing you under the present circumstances, but acts angry and possessive then you ought to break it off. The situation as you describe it creeps me out because of the consequences of anger and guilt tripping.

 

[KaraBulut]

The behavior is a taste of what a relationship with him would be like. The jealousy and possessiveness would be bad enough in a relationship but is completely inconsistent with a fuckbuddy relationship.

We call it "friends with benefits". What you haven't isn't friends with benefits. It's acquaintances who fuck when it's convenient for them. He says that he doesn't want to be more than acquaintances who fuck. And he's obviously not relationship material based upon his possessiveness.

Hopefully the sex is good?

 

[subsonic]

I don't get this dude.. How can he complain about or demand anything when you aren't a´committed in any way?? Someone hasn't read the manual it seems: either he commits or else you're a free man - no strings attached.
Try to talk to him about it and if he's still insisting and don't nudge, then kick his ass to the kerb.

 

[ncboy85]

@bananagoof: I have a feeling this is one possible reason he is doing this...for what its worth we've always had safe sex and I always have with everyone else but of course can never be 100% sure.

@HunterM: As far as I know he is not fucking anyone else but I have seen him online on Manhunt so wouldnt be surprised if he is looking.

@KaraBulut: Yes the sex is pretty good...but I'm to the point where it's not worth it anymore for the headaches.

Everyone else, thanks for pretty much confirming my thoughts on this, my roommate and best gay friend echoes these sentiments too so I think it's pretty much time to break it off. I know it sounds whorish but I guess its time to do some hookups until I find a guy worth my time to date.

 

[Perspective]

I'll try not to be too long-winded...I've just started coming out and meeting guys in the last year or so, only done anything with a few...in my "exploration" stage so to speak. After a brief relationship I met a guy who I would call a fuck buddy as we had drinks/hungout the first time we met but ever since I just go there, we have sex and leave.

Here's the problem: After finding out I had two hookups with guys I found online, (nothing past oral but still) he confronted me about it and said "it's not cool" and he may stop being involved with me if I have sex with other guys. So I ask him why I have to limit it to just him if all we are is fuck buddies. He proceeds to tell me he isn't interested in a relationship but friends/friends w/benefits would be cool...mind you as soon as we have sex he has had NO interest in talking anymore or ever hanging out as friends.

Am I right to tell him he has no business telling me when/who to have sex with, or is he right to say I shouldn't be messing around while we're still seeing each other? After all, I prefer to be with just one guy but what I really want is a committed boyfriend. Until I have one, is it not ok to want (safe) sex more than twice a month (which is about what this guy gives me)?? I feel like he is just using me as his toy when HE is horny and that's why he has this excuse.

What you need to figure out is this guy sincere. The "no outside sex" would appear to be that he is looking for a relationship. It has been my experience that when a guy tries to put limitations on me, problems will occur. Remember love/lust is a short term proposition in gay life. Aging seems to happen overnight.

I have a friend who by age 29 had only had gay sex three times and regrets it. I say grab for all the safe gusto you can get! When a relationship is right you will know it. Meanwhile my approach, when I was single, was to be shopping for a partner all the time, but usually settling for a one night stand. Then like magic I found the right guy. We went a couple years with an open relationship, but frankly we like to spend so much time together I don't have time to fit much outside it into my schedule. I prefer to enjoy the desert with my partner and a few friends.

There is plenty of time to be settled with a partner for life, but you are only in your twenties for a very short time.