Fuck me. I never learn. :(

[locksmithers]

INTRO:

So I'm new to this city and don't know anyone. My loneliness led me to discover Manhunt. I've met a lot of guys over the past few months and only stayed friends with 1 or 2.

EXPOSITION:

Gradually, I've lost interest in Manhunt. My daily routine would consist of logging in, checking who's online, seeing the same familiar faces, and logging right back out. One of the regular faces on there is aliased Sashasomething. He often views my profile and in return, I his. No communication exchanged. You know how it is: It's one of those things that happen when you just surf absentmindedly on a boring night without anything to do, clicking away different profiles until your trial for the day expires.

Anyway, so I attended the midnight showing of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. The movie was exciting, emotional, exhilarating. It was all fun. We decided to stay for the credits and absorbed everything as everyone else files away towards the exit. We headed out at around 3 am in the wee hours of the morning. Upon exiting the theatre, I saw that the lobby was fairly empty, save for the couple of groups of tween-agers in costumes huddled to discuss the movie.

I was in a Potter high so I could barely see what was going on around me. We crossed the street to where our car was parked. For some reason, I decided to turn back to see the throngs of crowd still in the theatre vicinities amidst crossing the street. About 20 feet away from me, I saw Sashaasomething from Manhunt. I've seen his pictures enough times to know that it is him. Pretty surreal to see someone from the cyberworld to come alive, right? Well, that's not the most interesting part.

So hurriedly I logged on and messaged him. I was ecstatic that he was a homo and a huge enough Potter fan to attend the midnight screening. He responded back. We exchanged a few messages and all was well. He then gave his number so I started texting him.

We got to know each other. He mentioned having a big family and how he grew up with his step-sisters. I didn't think much of this. It was just one of those random facts that people tell about themselves, ya know? Anyway, he decided to state his full name. Instantaneously, like any person would (and I suspect that it was his ulterior motive all-along), I looked him up on Facebook.

BAM! Who was our mutual friend? My aunt and uncle! (They have a joint account.) Giddy about this, I texted him in caps about this. And he said that **MY UNCLE** (the one who let us stay in his house for a few months before we moved to a different apartment) is related to him! My uncle's niece is one of his step-sisters! I know that sounds confusing but the point is, we're related!

He texted me asking "So you're uncle Joseph's nephew? WOW!!!"

Imagine that! If I didn't turn around while crossing the street, if we had decided to not stay during the credits, if we had done something differently--even a little tiny step, I wouldn't have met him!

Fate. What a funny thing.

CLIMAX:


I was hesitant to meet up with him right away because based on my track record, I don't do well with spontaneous meet-ups. So I built a relationship with him for 2 months over text. We talked every single day about everything. I kept my guard up because he told me things that turned me off, such as separating himself from a guy after a meetup if he doesn't dig his looks or if he's bad in bed. I found that superficial, but whatever.

Needless to say, not knowing anyone here, I grew attached to him. Think of the love a person can give as a pie: Since I have no one else around me, I gave my entire pie to him.

Anyways, fast forward, two months later, we finally met up. We cooked pizza and nachos together while watching a movie. Several funny things happened though: I kept making conversation but he just kept saying, "Uh-huh, mmhmm". Even if we agreed to cuddle, right after the movie, he just said, "Are you bussing it home?" which is a signal for me to get the fuck out of there.

THE NEXT DAY:

The next day, I noticed he didn't initiate texting when he usually does. Today, I just caved in and asked him, "Let's go shopping!!!" in a playful tone. He said he had plans. I texted him again saying I'm anxious for school tomorrow, but I got no more replies, which is unusual since we usually bounce off of each other.

I logged on to my fake hot guy profile on Manhunt named Carter. I talked to him. I asked him who his last date was. He told Carter that it was me. I (logged on as "Carter") asked him how it was. He told me I was---(wait for it) "kinda ugly... awkward... super weird... brains were his only asset."





How can people be like this? I know the easy thing to say is to "move on" but it's not easy. It hurts. I wasn't looking for anything sexual or serious. I was merely looking for an immediate friend. We had a lot in common. I made him "giggle everyday" through texts. WHY?!

 

[navigaytion]

The guy is just a jerk.

But since he specifically mentioned to you his superficial qualities ("such as separating himself from a guy after a meetup if he doesn't dig his looks or if he's bad in bed") why would you expect a different result if he didn't find you attractive and worthwhile? That should've been your red flag.

 

[WaitingIntheWings]

Because a lot of people are just assholes who don't know how to be up front, honest and gentle with people.

They have no respect for others and are able to emotionally detach themselves with the snap of a finger.

It doesn't matter if you've known them for five minutes or have shared bread with them and laughed with them for five months.

None of it's your fault, it's their own bullshit they are caught up in. I'm sorry you got hurt.

 

[Spiff]

Personally I think you both seem like jerks. Pretending to be a different person online is just another type of spying. Hopefully you have learned a lesson about spying, you may not always like what you will discover.

 

[Corny]

I don't get why you needed the fake account? His reaction was kinda telling - especially with the aforementioned attitude.

One thing I learned about online dating .. do NOT grow attached or text for months with people. Talk a bit and if the chemistry seems right .. meet up. Either you can go on from there, or you don't. And if you don't you didn't waste much time. And always be prepared that YOU could be the one who doesn't want any contact after the first date.

 

[mbamike]

Your basic problem is that you are just lonely. You need a friend, not a sexual conquest. Look up the LGBT social groups for that town and get involved. Good luck!

 

[leomendez93]

Well, you may not be the one who attracts him but I am sure you attract many guys out there. We all go through this. Just let him go. He is not worth your investment of emotions. You may be friends but at least you know where you stand. I am sure if you look closer, he is not all that either. Besides he stinks just like every other human being. His name is not Perfection right? Too bad for him. He missed a great opportunity to have a great friend. Enjoy life.

 

[WaitingIntheWings]

I don't know, what if the guy just thought he was weird and awkward (like he told the fake account) but wanted to let him down easy, hoping that he would just catch a hint?

You could be right but I guess I was thinking that if I was in that situation where we had been talking for a while and gotten somewhat close then the person would at lest owe me the respect to tell me to my face or even over the phone that they didn't want to continue talking instead of just cutting me out of their life. To me that's the coward's way out.

 

[RaKroma]

It is difficult to make friends online that translate to real world friendships, but it's almost rare as dinosaurs to make real friends on gay hookup sites. I figured out the psychology of guys on these sites. If you're not attractive to them, don't show a photo of a big dick, then they don't care to establish friendly relations at all. The sole purposes is to find hot guys, not make friends no matter what they claim on their profiles. Once the communication starts to drop off rapidly, it's a clear sign.

 

[locksmithers]

They have no respect for others and are able to emotionally detach themselves with the snap of a finger.

This.





I forgot to mention that he was previously obese who lost weight by taking pills. If anything, I thought that would make him more considerate because he's experienced being not socially accepted as attractive.

 

[genthree]

looks like deception v deception and it turned around and bit you....good lesson. Live and love in the real world. Good luck!

 

[blackbeltninja]

One thing I learned about online dating .. do NOT grow attached or text for months with people. Talk a bit and if the chemistry seems right .. meet up. Either you can go on from there, or you don't. And if you don't you didn't waste much time. And always be prepared that YOU could be the one who doesn't want any contact after the first date.

Agreed.

The less time it takes to meet someone, the less chance you have of building them into something they aren't when you finally do meet them. Connect online, try to get together within a couple of days - best advice, I think.

-d-

 

[MoufOfKhaos]

Personally I think you both seem like jerks. Pretending to be a different person online is just another type of spying. Hopefully you have learned a lesson about spying, you may not always like what you will discover.

Sorry, I have to agree with all of this. Maybe him not telling you that you weren't his type was a dick move, but you spying on him was also a dick move.

Uhmmm, and also, calling out his weight problem? It doesn't make you look like you're hurt by any of this - in fact, it just makes you look spiteful that you expect him not to have a type that he goes for. Pretty damn petty.

 

[rareboy]

Go outside.

Look for people.

Look for gay guys.

Live in the real world and get to know others as friends in the right context, not some hook-up site.

Don't be fake.

 

[mcbrion]

One of the things about the internet is, as a therapist once said, "It's only typing."
Meeting a person in the flesh is not the same as "talking" to them online. When you meet them, you get the full impact: how they walk, eat their food, their laugh (or lack of emotion).
Chatting behind a screen is not "communication," it is a "discourse," sort of an intellectual streaming. Meeting someone is still the only "real" reality.
If someone isn't attracted to you, it simply means their idea of beauty isn't what you look like. I knew many men, when I lived in San Francisco, pre-AIDS, who were so handsome that most guys were dying just to say hi to them. But on the inside, they weren't "grown-up." You just met one of them. Just don't BE one of them. It sounds like your self-esteem needs work, based on your "guardedness," which is also a substitute for being able to roll with the punches. Not every rejection is about you: sometimes it's about them. Nonetheless, if every rejection destroys you, it does say something about how fragile you are that a stranger can completely undo your sense of self. Work on that. That's what makes people bitter as they age; they have no idea that it's they themselves who are generating the very bile that kills off any joy they might feel by replacing self-approval with "other"- approval.

 

[The_Reaper]

Well, the best course I can recommend is just moving on...Not just from him, but likely from Manhunt as well.

We've all seen the profiles proclaiming to be looking for 'more than just a one night stand' on MH, but the odds are good that you won't find someone who practices what they preach on there.

Secondly, I wouldn't beat yourself up over this one. Some guys are indeed jerks who think that they're God's gift to gay culture and that they deserve only the ridiculously best. As such, they perceive to find faults in someone if they think they can do better...Regardless of whether or not that statement is actually true.

As for him losing weight...I got to say, I think that would only make him worse, not better. When he was overweight, he was likely rejected by a lot of guys based on that fact. Now that he's 'good looking', he's going to do the same to other guys whether they deserve it or not.

MH is not the place to be meeting someone for more than a one time deal, I can guarantee you that. In the words of Obi-Wan Kenobi, 'you will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy.'

If you want something longer than a one date situation, get off of MH and find a site that is better suited to finding connections rather than hook-ups. Or, better yet, swing by the Pride Centre on campus and make connections with guys and gals in real life.

 

[Wired-]

He sounds like a prick and I reckon that you can do a lot better than him.

 

[Gatorguy]

Well you seem like a good guy. I wouldn't let it set you back or make you cynical. No one can help it if there isn't chemistry once you meet and better to know now than down the road.

The fake profile check seems a little invasive on the surface. I'd try to take the higher road and not engage in this.

If you were talking with him through the fake profile earlier, that sounds like a tough start to a relationship.

Follow the wisdom in these posts and move on without beating yourself up about this.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

People who like Harry Potter deserve everything that's coming to them.

 

[geloge]

I think you have a several self estemm problem and if you don't fix it you'll never be happy