Ambrocious
Forsaken
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- May 15, 2008
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“Two years ago my dad left my mom and went somewhere for about 7 months and I never knew where he had gone to, neither did my mom. When he got back, he looked very sad and my mom never wanted to know where he had been, she pretty much was just thankful that he had came back to be a part of my life again. The thing that both my mom and I found out recently is that my dad had left to see one of his old lovers from back when he was gay. His name was Donnie and my dad left because he had promised Donnie that no matter what, if he ever needed help, my dad would keep the promise to help him in any way possible.
“So my dad just wrote me this 10 page letter telling me that he had gone to stay with Donnie during those 7 months that he was gone because Donnie was dying from AIDS and he had held my dad firm to his promise and he HAD to go and help Donnie even though he was now supposedly straight. He says that Donnie was married also many years back for a short time to a woman from Brazil so that she could gain US citizenship and nothing more. Well, it turns out that this woman fell in love with Donnie and she had always wanted kids but never found the right man. Donnie I guess had jacked off and they basically did all of the stuff right there in their home. This was before Donnie even had HIV. Donnie later on left his wife for some guy that promised him the moon but wound up giving him HIV and so heartbroken, moved back in with his wife who reluctantly took him back.
“Anyways Donnie has a son now and he just turned 16 a few days ago and he got in contact with my dad over the phone and told my dad that Shara had died, that’s his moms name. So now Donnie’s son is on his way to my dad’s house as part of Donnie’s will stated in case anything ever happened to the two of them that my dad would be the legal guardian of the kid. So he was writing me to ask me if Donnie’s boy Lucas could use my room when I was gone.”
Shawn looked at me with some form of confusion mixed with hurt and some other emotion I couldn’t exactly make out. “So…are you going to let Lucas have your room then,” asked Shawn looking at me with pure intrigue. “Of course I am, I’m not living there anymore and this is something my dad was asking me. I know how hard it was for him to ask me something like this…I know it’s something special so of course I’m going to say yes.”
Shawn smiled and kissed me as I sat the long letter that my dad had written me down on the soft bed of my hotel I had been in for the past week and a half. In the bedroom I could hear a Linkin Park song playing “Runaway” and it seemed to of course pertain to my current situation. Shawn knew what I was thinking and took my hand and smiled. “You want to face this don’t you Mark,” Shawn asked me as I turned my eyes away from him and let go of his hand.
“Most of my life I never really thought I’d ever really love anyone Shawn…and then I met you and you totally fucked that up, but in a good way. You never really knew this but I had decided a long time ago that I would never fall in love. I had kept on telling myself that if anyone ever hurt me or left me or did anything wrong to me that I’d just say fuck them and be done with it but that was also when I was lying to myself too. I really don’t think I’m ready to tell my mom and dad…” I said as I trailed off in a confusing realm of thoughts. I was hoping Shawn would understand me in my time of mixed emotions and he didn’t let me down so far so I opened myself up wide to Shawn.
“I know that even though they know your gay that not everything is going to change…hell I don’t have any rights to say anything either. My parents will probably disown me once I get back home,” Shawn said as he stood and walked to the doorway of the bedroom. I stood and walked to Shawn where I wrapped my arms around him and placed my chin on his shoulder so as to whisper in his ear.
“Your parents are worried like mine Shawn. When I last talked to them your mom was crying on the computer, I could see it. She said she loves you and she misses you. I really doubt she is going to disown you.” Shawn turned around and faced me. “I’m just scared,” he said as I hugged him and we just stood in that spot as the song played its tune:
I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
_________________ ____________________________ ________________________ _______________________
The sunlight came through the window of our motel window early in the morning as the radio was on with some crazy guy ranting about a new world order and swine flu. I turned and saw that Shawn was not in bed and then I smelled it: Pancakes.
“I never knew that you could cook Shawn,” I said surprising him as I entered the room in just my boxers with my bed head all funky looking I could imagine. “Mark you saw me cook three weeks ago didn’t you?” I walked towards the stove where there sat a plate with pancakes on the shelf next to the stove. “I did see you cook three weeks ago but that was Ramen noodles so I just figured that everyone knew how to cook that.” Shawn laughed and looked at me with all seriousness. “In my house there was no such thing as Ramen noodles. It was either Caviar or Filet mignon…with your occasional KFC whenever we felt like it. Ramen noodles were too poor of a food for my family and so I actually had a secret craving for them and it turned into a fetish,” he said with a smirk. “Wow…I think I now officially have heard just about every fetish there is to know about. I’ll have to post that on the internet in my blog about the new Ramen Noodle fetish that’s sweeping the globe…who knows maybe even G4 will do a special on “Attack of The Show” about it,” I said trying to sound serious but couldn’t help but laughing when Shawn gave me that look like I was being over dramatic.
After we ate breakfast we had some things to do…namely shopping. I was still pretty new to this whole “fashion importance” thing but Shawn had always had that streak in him that knew what was in and what was out and so he went all out when he decided what my new ward robe would be.
We went out to see a movie in the theatre later on that day just completely trying to not think about having to go home and face our parents and our responsibilities but we both knew that we had to and we both knew that the sooner we did it the better. Here at the movies though…everything was all Hollywood and love was so easy and people had happy endings all the time. What Hollywood doesn’t show you is that even after that happy ending, had those people continued to live out their lives…they would have probably encountered problems like I did all throughout the movie and sometimes worse. Hollywood can show us that we can love…real life shows us that it’s tough as hell to keep it.
“So you really want to go back then…you think you’re ready to face your parents,” I asked Shawn as we stood back in our hotel room later on that night. Shawn shook his head and with a single tear coming from his eyes he had a total breakdown in which I fell to the ground with him and held onto his body as his sobs shook the two of us. He rocked back and forth and so did I as I cried also, feeling his pain as if it were my own.
We were all packed and ready to leave two days from that night that Shawn had broke down and cried. I had about 4 extra large suit cases now that Shawn had spoiled me rotten like an annoying brat that gets everything he wants from his mom and dad. The only difference is that I never asked for any of the shit that I got, I just knew that everything was already perfect for the two of us and when he bought me things, it was him telling me how much he loved me. Who was I to turn his gifts down?
We landed back in Pueblo at that same air port with the lady that we had seen before and luckily she wasn’t there today. We DID see Officer Thomas however…surprisingly he was promoted after Barbara the bitch came to work and tried to shoot some people in one insane moment after she just couldn’t take it anymore and Officer Thomas had arrested her. From what it looked like, he was calling a lot more shots than he was last time, and this time he seemed to be either higher or about equal with Ben…the other security guard/officer who was poking fun at him for being gay. Officer Thomas stopped us briefly and told us that we had a new twinkle in our eyes since the last time he saw us but we already knew that.
When we left Pueblo Colorado, we took the scenic route back to Kansas which included driving back through Aspen where we stayed for over 2 months and then we hit the road again to go and face our parents and tell them that we were together and we intended on staying that way. I already knew that my mom didn’t completely agree with what I was doing but she loved me and she was fine with this as long as I was truly happy…and I am truly happy. The hard part would be facing his parents.
Shawn’s car arrived in the parking lot of his parent’s home and his mom was outside to greet us giving both him and me a hug. She held onto Shawn for way to long but Shawn didn’t mind it one bit. Mrs. Mendoza looked at me and smiled. “You know what young man,” she said in the form of a question. “I have never seen him with such emotion before in my life. Whatever you mean to him…it must be special and I wouldn’t dream of taking that from my son. You are welcome in this family as well if you wish,” she said as Shawn’s arm closed gently around my waist from the side. I turned to see his smile and I knew that everything would be great.
But as well as every so called Hollywood story might go, Shawn and I did face more troubles in our future of love and life. We did struggle and even for a short time separate but everything turned out just fine. All of those other hard times are now behind us and maybe I will have time to tell you about them in ANOTHER story of our lives as one but that is for another time altogether.
As for the time when I looked into Shawn’s eyes and saw into the future of us snuggling together with me laying on top of him with our arms wrapped around each other and with him smiling…well let’s just say that it all happened just exactly as I saw it.
“So my dad just wrote me this 10 page letter telling me that he had gone to stay with Donnie during those 7 months that he was gone because Donnie was dying from AIDS and he had held my dad firm to his promise and he HAD to go and help Donnie even though he was now supposedly straight. He says that Donnie was married also many years back for a short time to a woman from Brazil so that she could gain US citizenship and nothing more. Well, it turns out that this woman fell in love with Donnie and she had always wanted kids but never found the right man. Donnie I guess had jacked off and they basically did all of the stuff right there in their home. This was before Donnie even had HIV. Donnie later on left his wife for some guy that promised him the moon but wound up giving him HIV and so heartbroken, moved back in with his wife who reluctantly took him back.
“Anyways Donnie has a son now and he just turned 16 a few days ago and he got in contact with my dad over the phone and told my dad that Shara had died, that’s his moms name. So now Donnie’s son is on his way to my dad’s house as part of Donnie’s will stated in case anything ever happened to the two of them that my dad would be the legal guardian of the kid. So he was writing me to ask me if Donnie’s boy Lucas could use my room when I was gone.”
Shawn looked at me with some form of confusion mixed with hurt and some other emotion I couldn’t exactly make out. “So…are you going to let Lucas have your room then,” asked Shawn looking at me with pure intrigue. “Of course I am, I’m not living there anymore and this is something my dad was asking me. I know how hard it was for him to ask me something like this…I know it’s something special so of course I’m going to say yes.”
Shawn smiled and kissed me as I sat the long letter that my dad had written me down on the soft bed of my hotel I had been in for the past week and a half. In the bedroom I could hear a Linkin Park song playing “Runaway” and it seemed to of course pertain to my current situation. Shawn knew what I was thinking and took my hand and smiled. “You want to face this don’t you Mark,” Shawn asked me as I turned my eyes away from him and let go of his hand.
“Most of my life I never really thought I’d ever really love anyone Shawn…and then I met you and you totally fucked that up, but in a good way. You never really knew this but I had decided a long time ago that I would never fall in love. I had kept on telling myself that if anyone ever hurt me or left me or did anything wrong to me that I’d just say fuck them and be done with it but that was also when I was lying to myself too. I really don’t think I’m ready to tell my mom and dad…” I said as I trailed off in a confusing realm of thoughts. I was hoping Shawn would understand me in my time of mixed emotions and he didn’t let me down so far so I opened myself up wide to Shawn.
“I know that even though they know your gay that not everything is going to change…hell I don’t have any rights to say anything either. My parents will probably disown me once I get back home,” Shawn said as he stood and walked to the doorway of the bedroom. I stood and walked to Shawn where I wrapped my arms around him and placed my chin on his shoulder so as to whisper in his ear.
“Your parents are worried like mine Shawn. When I last talked to them your mom was crying on the computer, I could see it. She said she loves you and she misses you. I really doubt she is going to disown you.” Shawn turned around and faced me. “I’m just scared,” he said as I hugged him and we just stood in that spot as the song played its tune:
I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
_________________ ____________________________ ________________________ _______________________
The sunlight came through the window of our motel window early in the morning as the radio was on with some crazy guy ranting about a new world order and swine flu. I turned and saw that Shawn was not in bed and then I smelled it: Pancakes.
“I never knew that you could cook Shawn,” I said surprising him as I entered the room in just my boxers with my bed head all funky looking I could imagine. “Mark you saw me cook three weeks ago didn’t you?” I walked towards the stove where there sat a plate with pancakes on the shelf next to the stove. “I did see you cook three weeks ago but that was Ramen noodles so I just figured that everyone knew how to cook that.” Shawn laughed and looked at me with all seriousness. “In my house there was no such thing as Ramen noodles. It was either Caviar or Filet mignon…with your occasional KFC whenever we felt like it. Ramen noodles were too poor of a food for my family and so I actually had a secret craving for them and it turned into a fetish,” he said with a smirk. “Wow…I think I now officially have heard just about every fetish there is to know about. I’ll have to post that on the internet in my blog about the new Ramen Noodle fetish that’s sweeping the globe…who knows maybe even G4 will do a special on “Attack of The Show” about it,” I said trying to sound serious but couldn’t help but laughing when Shawn gave me that look like I was being over dramatic.
After we ate breakfast we had some things to do…namely shopping. I was still pretty new to this whole “fashion importance” thing but Shawn had always had that streak in him that knew what was in and what was out and so he went all out when he decided what my new ward robe would be.
We went out to see a movie in the theatre later on that day just completely trying to not think about having to go home and face our parents and our responsibilities but we both knew that we had to and we both knew that the sooner we did it the better. Here at the movies though…everything was all Hollywood and love was so easy and people had happy endings all the time. What Hollywood doesn’t show you is that even after that happy ending, had those people continued to live out their lives…they would have probably encountered problems like I did all throughout the movie and sometimes worse. Hollywood can show us that we can love…real life shows us that it’s tough as hell to keep it.
“So you really want to go back then…you think you’re ready to face your parents,” I asked Shawn as we stood back in our hotel room later on that night. Shawn shook his head and with a single tear coming from his eyes he had a total breakdown in which I fell to the ground with him and held onto his body as his sobs shook the two of us. He rocked back and forth and so did I as I cried also, feeling his pain as if it were my own.
We were all packed and ready to leave two days from that night that Shawn had broke down and cried. I had about 4 extra large suit cases now that Shawn had spoiled me rotten like an annoying brat that gets everything he wants from his mom and dad. The only difference is that I never asked for any of the shit that I got, I just knew that everything was already perfect for the two of us and when he bought me things, it was him telling me how much he loved me. Who was I to turn his gifts down?
We landed back in Pueblo at that same air port with the lady that we had seen before and luckily she wasn’t there today. We DID see Officer Thomas however…surprisingly he was promoted after Barbara the bitch came to work and tried to shoot some people in one insane moment after she just couldn’t take it anymore and Officer Thomas had arrested her. From what it looked like, he was calling a lot more shots than he was last time, and this time he seemed to be either higher or about equal with Ben…the other security guard/officer who was poking fun at him for being gay. Officer Thomas stopped us briefly and told us that we had a new twinkle in our eyes since the last time he saw us but we already knew that.
When we left Pueblo Colorado, we took the scenic route back to Kansas which included driving back through Aspen where we stayed for over 2 months and then we hit the road again to go and face our parents and tell them that we were together and we intended on staying that way. I already knew that my mom didn’t completely agree with what I was doing but she loved me and she was fine with this as long as I was truly happy…and I am truly happy. The hard part would be facing his parents.
Shawn’s car arrived in the parking lot of his parent’s home and his mom was outside to greet us giving both him and me a hug. She held onto Shawn for way to long but Shawn didn’t mind it one bit. Mrs. Mendoza looked at me and smiled. “You know what young man,” she said in the form of a question. “I have never seen him with such emotion before in my life. Whatever you mean to him…it must be special and I wouldn’t dream of taking that from my son. You are welcome in this family as well if you wish,” she said as Shawn’s arm closed gently around my waist from the side. I turned to see his smile and I knew that everything would be great.
But as well as every so called Hollywood story might go, Shawn and I did face more troubles in our future of love and life. We did struggle and even for a short time separate but everything turned out just fine. All of those other hard times are now behind us and maybe I will have time to tell you about them in ANOTHER story of our lives as one but that is for another time altogether.
As for the time when I looked into Shawn’s eyes and saw into the future of us snuggling together with me laying on top of him with our arms wrapped around each other and with him smiling…well let’s just say that it all happened just exactly as I saw it.
Good work! 
Great twists to the plot, then Love conquers all!!! I am a hopeless romantic so I loved it! Thanks for sharing that Ambrocious! 
