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musicjunkie_87

musicjunkie_87

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so i hd been having some problems recently with my parents and was kicked out of my house friday night... i spent friday-sunday night on the streets and on monday my parents called me that they wanted me back home... so i told them before nythin we need to talk... so i ditched class and we sat down and talked.... i let them talk first and they complained about my attitude, my grades, my poor choices in life and other stuff.... then after that i began to talk... i said my opinions, thoughts and everything i was feeling... then i told them theres is something else i needed to tell them... and so i told them i was gay... i said gay cuz i didnt want to go into the whole "you havent met the right girl" conversation and so if i end up with a guy they wont be surprised and angry.... so yeah... the only thing they said was "well we arent happy" which i dont know how to interpret.... they said nothing else and started changing the subject..... so then i went to my new job and felt releived..... but things are still tense with my prents... everyone tells me that they will get over it and just need time... so we shall see... but what do you guys think about "well we arent happy"? that has been bothering me.... i was expecting a different response.... not a "oh we totally love this" type of response but a "well we still love you" one....
 
I think that now that you've got this off your chest, thie onus is on you now to live up to a higher set of expectations in order to not give the p's one more thing to pick on. If living closeted hasn't been part of the reason you aren't getting good grades or being pleasant to live with and you're just a lazy, self obsessed, drugged out party boy with poor taste in friends while living off your parents, then you need to re-evaluate your life now. One way or the other, you need to demonstrate that you can develop into an emotionally and intellectually mature person.

Good luck.
 
Congratulations on coming out! I think your parents reaction wasn't as bad as it could have been (glass half full). I think it is a 50/50 shot as to whether it will get better or worse in the short term. In the long term I think they will become accepting.

If things are bad enough with your parents that they took the drastic step of kicking you out, I think it's probably time to find another place to live. Unless you are sure you can respect their wishes, you are better to get out on your own. Of course you will find that living on your own is hard. You will need to decide which one is harder, living on your own or following your parents' rules.
 
musicjunkie_87 said:
but what do you guys think about "well we arent happy"? that has been bothering me.... i was expecting a different response.... not a "oh we totally love this" type of response but a "well we still love you" one....
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It could be that the magnitude of what you were telling them was lost in the other issues going on. Given the events of last weekend, they were probably still hurt or angry at what went down on Friday. Then, this new piece of information--which they did not interpret as "good news"--was brought into the mix.

There seems to be some tensions going on on many fronts with them right now. Give it time. Continue keeping the dialogue channels open with them and tackle one issue at a time. Now all the cards seem to be on the table (what's bothering them, and bothering you) so you've made a great beginning. Don't let them go back underground and withdraw emotionally from you right now. Keep this going, even if you need to be in their face a little bit right now. They wanted to talk...so, take them up on their offering and don't let anything drop until you're talked to death over all of it.

At some point, it would be great if you could elicit some statement of love and acceptance over this. But, it's not necessary to get to have a happy and productive life anyway. For right now, they seem to be angry with you over some things that came to a head last Friday. Those issues need to be resolved first and then everyone can deal with your sexual orientation.

Congratulations on bringing this out sooner rather than later. It was brave to do under the tension and circumstances. You'll be glad you did it.

Good luck with all this! Let us know how you're doing. :=D:
 
My mom said "This isn't the kind of thing a mother likes to hear". Now I think she just ignores the fact that I'm gay. But I'd look on the bright side of things. They already kicked you out once and if they didn't do it again after you told them you were gay they probably aren't completely mortified/appalled/disgusted with you, and that means that there's hope for a better relationship.
 
My parents started off saying they didnt like it at one point my mum even said she doesnt want anything to do with me and i will never bring a man back to this house! etc. now the other day we had another chat and they both said, what ever you are we still love you and it wont change anything you still mean the same to us and were proud of you, but for them to say this it took a good few months.. so i guess give it time mate.
 
thanks for the repsonses!

update:
well my dad hasnt tried taling to me BUT my mom has... she was asking all these questions yesterday and we spent about an hour talking... so it seems like shes making an effort... so will i... my dad on the other hand.... in time we shall see...
 
music, thats hard man.

i came out to my parents last year, and they took it HORRIBLY. my mom is a die hard catholic, and she basically told me i was going to hell. i moved out and lived with my friend for a few months last summer, until i went to school. now i'm back home for a while, and the issue is pretty much avoided. they still dont accept me though, and treat me very differently.

i think they will come around sometime though. remember they are your parents and cannot help but love you, especially if they have been with you 19 years already. good luck man.
 
My experience as a service provider in the gay community is that most parents come around eventually. Good parents want most of all for their children to be happy. Ignorance about gay lives is what causes problems for most parents because all they know is the stereotype. Give them time.

I recommend PFLAG, http://www.pflag.org/, for anyone needing help in coming out to their parents and for all parents struggling with accepting their gay children. PFLAG has great resources on their website and they have chapters in many communities for parents of gay people to get together and support each other.
 
It is good to hear that your mom is making the effort to understand what your going through and you both are sitting down to talk about it. But it will take some time for them to fully understand about you being gay. Hope all goes well for you and that your parents know that it was something that you needed to honest with them about.
 
well like i had said my dad hasnt been talking to me recently.... well we have yelling matches but no actual talking... BUT he did come up to me yesterday and ask if anyone in the family knew and when i told him just my cousins who are close to me he got quiet and walked away... so i dont know... only time will show me... :) BUT thanks again to everyone commenting!
O_o
 
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